The Secrets We Keep (CAMREN)

Chapter 6: Baby Steps & Remembering

Camila's POV

Lauren had gone through with her part in driving me home. Unfortunately for me though is that when I tried to continue our talk from earlier she ignored it and turned on her radio. I guess she still didn't want to speak about the scars or tell me about what happened that day when I stupidly ditched her when she really needed me.

We were arriving at my house I noticed that my parents weren't home yet. so I thought maybe I could get Lauren to come in and talk. As I was about to ask her to stay, my phone rings and right on time was Chris calling to tell me about his practice like I was interested in hearing about it at the moment.

As it continued to ring I look over at Lauren and notice that her grip on the steering wheel gets tighter and I brush it off thinking she probably just hates my annoying ring tone. So instead of answering I shut it off and decide I'll call Chris back later.

"Why didn't you answer?" I hear her ask me as well pull into my drive way

"Um well It's um" I had no idea why I didn't answer I mean I always answer when he calls but right now I had other things in mind and Chris was not one of them.

"A-are you two fighting?" She asks a bit worried and when I notice that, my heart leaps. She cares, she's actually showing she cares

"I-I mean I'm asking because he's my brother and if you" and as she begins her threat my heart sinks again. She's only worried about Chris she's not worried about me. What was I thinking.

"Uh-no we aren't fighting" I answer her "I've just been dealing with stuff that I don't want him involved in" I add so that she'll just drop the Chris subject and maybe get back to our talk from earlier

"Oh well good. Now get out of my car loser and next time don't show up at my house when Chris isn't home because I won't open the door" She says going back to bitchy Lauren. God why can't she just act the way she was in her room earlier. The Lauren I used to know and love. Wait what am I talking about love? Agh I seriously need a nap this is getting too stressful.

I got out of her car and thanked her for the ride. By the time I got to my door she was gone. This was going to be a long process to get Lauren to be my friend again but at least I know she doesn't completely hate me and that I wasn't alone dealing with our non existent friendship. All I have to do is get her to stop disliking me and then I can work on our friendship.

"Baby steps Mila baby steps you'll get there just don't let Chris get involved because he'll ruin everything" I tell myself as I walk into my room and pull out an old picture of Lauren and I a year ago at the beach with me on her back and smiling at the camera.

Lauren's POV

After droping Camila off I decided to go to the one place no one could find me, well except Camila of course but she's probably forgotten about it ever since she started dating Chris.

I haven't been here in a while and I think the last time I was here was a week after that horrible day and I had gotten high. Yeah I admit that was also the day I started to return to my dark side. The side where I give a big Fuck You to the world and don't give a shit about what anyone thinks. It's also the side where I drink and get high, then cut class, and get into trouble. On top of all that it's also when I cut to let go of all the pain to actually try to feel something.

I still remember the first time I actually cut myself. I was 14 and I was a freshmen. Camila wasn't with me to start the year because she went to a different school, so I was alone. I remember that I was always getting picked on for being too smart and since I hadn't gone through puberty completely I was called an alien. Being 14 and alone in high school sucked and I easily believed everything I was told. The teasing really got to me but I never told anyone because I figured they'd just tell me to toughen up. The day that I actually broke down though was a day where I went to school with my new favorite outfit and new boots. I found it odd that no one had bothered me that day but I was liking it. As I was walking out of school though that changed. In less than a second I was drenched in green paint from head to toe. It was like in Carrie where she gets pigs blood thrown on her after she wins prom queen, but unlike her I didn't go all supernatural on their asses. I just ran off crying.

When I got home that day I was lucky no one was home yet so I ran up to my room locked the door and opened my drawer and saw a pair of sharp sciccors. As I looked at my green colored arms I was still crying and out of so much humiliation and disgust, I had had decided that maybe I was an alien and I should just leave earth. I didn't completely go through with it as you can tell but I did cut my self 5 times on each arm. After that I had continued to do that for 4 months straight.

The day Camila found out though was exactly the same way she found out today. She was sleeping over my house that weekend because her parents were out of town and because we also needed to have our Camila Lauren time. It had happened so fast, one minute we were laughing at Mean Girls and the next I guess she saw a one of my scars.

She had freaked out just like today. She also cried and blamed herself for not being there for me, just like she did today. And then she made the promise to never leave me alone again but she must have forgotten the promise because once Chris came into the equation she left me hanging all the time. I guess that was the main reason I ended our friendship.

It was a promise that was keeping sane and alive and because of that I trusted her completely and believed that she wouldn't leave me alone again, but she broke that trust and that killed me in more ways than anyone could guess

The part where I fell in love with her didn't really happen until the night she told me she liked Chris and that was also a part that made a wound. But I think that the only way I can be friends with Camila again is if I trust her and at this moment I don't believe I can.