The Suicide Checklist

Chapter 8 - Nothing, Arizona

Even though we were now in a significantly more remote, desolate environment than we were just a few hours ago when it was night, the shining morning sun made things feel more alive. Clearer even.

Maybe a little too clear.

My mind began turning its wheels again. Like a train picking up steam, I started wondering if maybe I had received a call or a flurry of concerned texts from Olivia and somehow hadn't noticed. So I reached over, snatched up my phone and held it out in front of me. That way I could keep my eyes on the road as I looked at my phone. A very responsible thing to do.

However, there was no new message. No missed phone calls. Nothing. I tossed the phone onto my lap 'cause the drink holsters I usually kept it in were currently being occupied by drinks. We had stopped off at some run-down Burger King for a couple sandwiches and sodas. A great way to start off the day.

"Burger King for breakfast," Jared said as if he were reading my mind. "I feel like I should start quoting the Bible as I gun someone down."

"You know, I've never seen that movie," I admitted. Pulp Fiction was one of those films you kinda feel bad saying you've never seen. Like Titanic or Alien. And although I've never seen it, I knew enough to know exactly what he was referencing.

"That means I now have a plethora of witty lines and clever quotes I can take credit for." Jared beamed as he munched on fries.

"I'll know if you use them. I know what you sound like and I know what Quentin Tarantino sounds like."

"Friends do know other friends' speech patterns."

"We're not friends."

"Lovers!" he blurted out. As soon as he did, I almost choked on my Sprite. "No," he continued. "That's not right. Feeling the energy between us, I'd say friends feels good." I could not stand to hear him talking about feeling good and 'feeling the energy between us' right after he mentioned love. It made me feel very... I don't even know. Like my soul started to catch fire. All my internal alarms were sounding. The confusing thing is, I didn't even know what they were sounding for. Concern, embarassment, fear? And why hasn't Olivia contacted me!?

My mind was definitely clear now. An open road for a torrential rush of ceaseless thoughts.

"Agh, this fry tastes like sorrow," Jared eeped out, choking on a fry. "It's been around too long. Seen too much despair... Now it's soggy and sad."

"You can taste the sadness?" I asked, trying to get my brain to focus on something else, anything else. Even something as stupid as sad french fries.

"Oh, yeah. Sure. Maybe that's what people mean when they say if you lose one sense your others heighten."

"So you can detect the emotions of food?"

"I don't know. I could just be projecting."

Just as my mind began to wonder about what he meant by 'projecting,' I noticed a building down the long, flat road.

"We're here!" I shouted, terminating this train of conversation that was only serving to further my anxieties rather than solve them. Sometimes things happen like that. The more you struggle, the harder things become. Like a Chinese finger trap.

"Where's here," Jared asked.

"Nowhere. Well, actually, Nothing. This place is called Nothing, Arizona and Nothing is nothing but an incredibly dilapidated building and an equally decayed sign, hiked up on rusty poles that reads 'nothing'."

"They have a sign with nothing on it."

"No, it's got the word 'nothing' on it."

"Oh, 'nothing' is written on it," he said. A smirk peaking out onto his face.