Drumbeats into My Heart

68. Jordi Wants a Do-Over

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Why did I tell him about Dustin? And why did I phrase it like that?

I got back together with Dustin.

What was Seth supposed to think?

I stand there watching the old Honda as it rolls out of the parking lot, onto the street, and out of view.

Gone.

I grind my palms into my eyes. All I wanted was to come clean. To put everything out in the open so there'd be no more secrets between us. No surprises popping out later.

But I didn't think the admission would shock him to that degree. I wish I knew what was going on in that complex brain of his.

Maybe I should have kept quiet. Kissing Seth was wonderful. Made me realize how much I've missed him. Why did I have to ruin it?

With a heavy sigh, I stop pressing against my eyes and let my arms drop. I can't bring myself to move. Maybe he'll change his mind. Maybe Tai will talk some sense into him. Any moment now, the car is going reappear, returning Seth and my heart back to me.

It never does.

I force my feet to move. When I trudge back into the apartment, Dad folds me into a warm hug and pushes the door shut. Knowing him, he's watched the entire thing from the window.

"I'm so stupid," I whisper against his chest.

"No, you're not. You're dyslexic." The scrape of his short beard against my forehead is oddly comforting. "And if that bothers him—"

I shake my head. "I told him about Dustin."

"Oh." His following sigh speaks volumes.

"I shouldn't have said anything, right?" I pull back to look at him.

"Well..." He scratches his beard. "I don't know. Your mother was pretty pissed when she found out I was dating Suzy Pickett the same time I was dating her."

My eyes get huge. "You were?"

"Yeah. We were dating! I thought the whole point of dating was seeing if you were compatible with someone. Like shopping for a car. You test drive different cars before you settle on one, right?"

"Ohh, I'm sure that explanation went over well with her."

He sighs and turns to drops into the couch. "You know her. Sweet as pie until she's been wronged. Somehow she didn't like being compared to a car."

I follow and sit next to him. "What happened?"

"Oh, you know. Told me to get bent and slammed the door in my face."

My mouth hangs open. "And then what?"

He shrugs. "I dated Suzy, of course."

"What?"

He gives me a half-smile. "What else was I supposed to do? If your mother didn't want me, I wasn't about to go begging her to forgive me for something I didn't think was wrong at the time."

"I don't believe you." I hug a throw pillow at the thought of my father never getting together with my mother. "You told me she was your destiny."

He nods. "And she was. But I didn't realize this until I figured out that a cute giggle and great rack don't necessarily make the best companions."

I swat him with the pillow.

He laughs and pushes it away. "Okay maybe I shouldn't call them racks anymore,but I'm just telling you how it was. The whole destiny thing doesn't happen until both parties figure out what's important."

I sigh, pressing myself into the couch and dropping my head back onto the cushions. Figure out what's important.

I did that too late, and now Seth is gone.

Dad pats my knee and stands. "Things'll work out. You'll see."

I like his optimism, but I'm not so sure he's right.

What do you think? Should people be allowed to "date around" until things become serious? Or do you vote for dating one person at a time?