Beneath The Scars

Chapter 6

I opened my eyes to see that I was in a ward room with Josy by my side sleeping . I must have put her through a lot of stress, since it was almost morning. I felt pain everywhere and my headache was more than anything I had ever felt . Was this my punishment for not dying with them or was Josy the angel sent to protect me. I just hope that I don't experience another breakdown and live a little longer to experience what true family love is and what having a relationship feels like. I fell asleep thinking of when my life would take a turn .
"Riley , Dexion hide don't come out till I tell you to. Okay sweethearts " Okay mom ,we said systematically. Mom I want to listen to one of your many poems . " Okay sweetheart here it goes , The song of my heart is like the clouds with it's tears ,it's like a poets words to it's audience,it's like a heart beat with it's thumping sound , what's the beauty of a faded rose lost among the depth of soil , what's the beauty of a star if it stops twinkling , what's the beauty of the heart of it stops loving . How was it my princess ? " Mom again , again again .I said repeatedly. The fire was burning our home and I could not see my mom or brother . What were those sounds I heard? My head was hurting a lot .
I woke up trembling , sweating profusely and with tears in my eyes. Josy quickly woke up asking why I was trembling but I could not form words not even a letter could come out . I was quivering and felt myself broken like glass which when broken could not be fixed .What have I done to deserve this ? Josy handed me a glass of water and I politely took it and emptied it. I'm scared ,insecure, depressed,tired of living and a walking dead . I answered Josy with a hoarse voice .
"Riley I have something for you it actually a very small item but I believe it would help you . I'm going to visit some patients and I will be back later on . "Sure goodbye Josy ." I opened the box Josy gave me and it turns out it was a letter . I began opening it as I started to read .
Riley,
When I was eighteen I was a girl used to experiencing life , I loved to have fun but I never imagined it would lead to me getting pregnant. I found it the worst news ever since I had lost my parents and was living with my aunt at that moment . My aunt made it clear she did not like me and abused me. When I was 38 weeks pregnant I gave birth to my daughter Amy . She was still born. Two days before Amy's death I noticed she was sluggish in her movement . My intuition told me something wasn't right so I called my doctor .Amy died of undiagnosed placental abruption. Her death may have been prevented had I known the importance of monitoring my daughter's movement during the third trimester . Amy was my first child and I had never had anyone to teach me, to guide me and those I had left me. Just imagine the pain and the struggles . My boyfriend at that time left me accusing me of causing my child's death . 29th October 2009, if my baby was alive she would be 12 by now. There are still days when the pain outweighs the joy and I'm okay with that.  You see , she was once my joy and my grief is due to the love I had for her .I know I'll finally see my sunshine when I get to heaven .There we will have so much time for fun and my pain will be erased.
Everyone has a story Riley . Everyone has been through pain . Everyone has lost someone they loved before but it depends on them to learn how to heal. My life was not easygoing.  It was difficult to be the person I am today.  I had to fight my battles , put my pain aside and learn not to be affected by these things . Up till now I still remember vividly what the doctor said, how she looked . If I were to follow these emotions I would not be this psychologist you see today . I believe you can do it Riley not because we're friends but because I've been there . I have seen it all good and evil .I want to see you happy with your past behind you.This is all I wish for you every day Riley . Thanks for reading to this level I believe this is the last line ,stay safe and healthy .
Love,
Josy.
After reading her letter I felt warm crystal like beads falling from my eyes , I was crying . Why was the world so cruel . I thought on earth we are supposed to experience happiness so why is there so much pain . Every stage in life leaves a scar ,a mark that will be with you for a life time . Josy looked so clean like not a single particle of the earths struggles had occured in her life but looks can be deceptive .