Life, Love and Growing Up

Saltines and Ginger Ale

Sick.

I was sick for the first time for as long as I could remember. . . Than again. . . I could barely remember what I had for breakfast the day before, sooo that really didn't help my cause much.

I was stuck on bedrest. Moms orders. I was not even allowed to get up to get myself water. . . or food . . . or even anything!

I went through a series of hot and cold where all I would do was shiver underneath a ton of blankets but than I could go through a spurt where all I would do was sweat and would roll up my sleeves and roll up my shirt because it was too hot.

I have drunk almost five gallons of water in the past day just during my hot phases because if I don't I feel dizzy since I'm sweating more liquid than I'm taking in.

Life is so hard.

It's too complicated.

All I've been doing is sleeping and if I'm actually lucky enough since I can hold it down, than I can actually have something to eat. A wonderful life I know.

I've warned Adam multiple times to stay away but he keeps coming back and trying to check up on me. I keep telling mom to send him away. I don't look presentable and I just don't want him to see me all pale, smelling like major b.o. because I'm not allowed to even get up to shower and I don't want him to hear me throw up. It's bad enough that I have to hear it.

Right now my mom went out to go get some more boilsten cubes to make me something that I might actually be able to hold down. The only thing I had near me was a half full can of ginger ale and a package of broken and discarded pack of square, or what used to be square, saltine crackers.

A bowl sat next to them filled with the last of the chicken broth that I had earlier. I was no longer hungry and just looking at it made me start to feel sick to my stomach again.

As I ran towards the bathroom the front door slowly opened as if someone was hesitant to come inside. I leaned over the toilet and once again threw up my meal earlier.

After I was done I rinsed my mouth with a super strong mouth wash and than brushed my teeth with crest toothpaste twice before I turned off the lights and slowly made my way back to the couch.

I plopped back down and sprawled out under where the covers had been previously. I started to shiver and I went to reach for the blankets when I saw Adam, or I think i did. If it wasn't him I felt as if my heart would shatter into a million tiny pieces all over the living room and attach themselves anywhere as long as they were away from me.

"Adam?" I whispered. My heart raced at the thought of it being him, that he was here to check up on me after all I had told him and how much I had tried to keep him away. Now matter how much I pushed him away I would still always want him around, in sickness and in health.

Oh boy, now that was corny.

He smiled and nodded at me. "Yeah it's ok. Just go to sleep." I curled up on a ball and he put the covers over me and I closed my eyes. He placed a kiss on my forehead before he sat down by my feet and than he placed them down gingerly on his lap.

Soon the warmth from his lap comforted and lulled me into a sweet and peaceful sleep.

When I woke up the TV was on a low and quiet volume. He had a soccer game on and was watching as the men run around the field. "Adam?" I asked quietly.

Immediately he sat up attentive and ready to run a marathon if I need to ask him too, he than moved my legs and set them back down "Yeah. How are you feeling Roxy?" He asked as he kneeled down on the floor next to where my head was set on my cloud like pillow covered with a fuzzy pillow cover which kept my face nice and warm.

"Ok I guess." I replied quietly. "Can you hand me my ginger ale?" He nodded as I slowly moved so I could perch myself up on my elbow. Adam grab my half empty can which I bet was now luke warm and handed it to me.

I took a small sip before I handed it back to him in complete disgust at how hot and flat my supposedly helpful soda was, and than carefully I lied back down as not to upset my stomach any further.

Adam took my can and set it down on the small coaster next to where I think my food was. He than pushed my food over to the other side of the table to that thankfully I would no longer have to look at it and I would no longer have to feel sick to my stomach every couple minutes.

"Adam." I said quietly. He stood up and moved me so that my head was now placed gingerly on his lap. "Why are you here?" I asked as I closed my eyes and he ran his hands through my short hair.

"Because I knew you needed me. You weren't really all there, you haven't been answering." He replied quietly.

I smiled. "So, you were worried than?" I asked kiddingly. But really deep down I wanted an answer.I wanted to know maybe even a little bit how he felt about me. That's as much as both of us could muster at the moment, with me being sick and him not wanting to say 'certain phrases' at this stage.

"Yes. . . I really was." He replied and I giggled quietly in reply to him. My heart raced slightly, pounding against my ribcage.

Thank god

Slowly I curled up a little more next to him.

"Adam?" I asked once again as I pulled the blanket a little higher around my shoulders, finally reaching up to my chin and than held it tightly in my fist in hopes of trapping the heat inside of me.

"Mmhmm?" He mumbled as he mindlessly continued to run his fingers through the length of my hair and I smiled a little at how comfortable we were with one another. I liked being close to him. I loved having a best friend like him.

But than again I loved my best friend. And I think he loved me back.

Again he didn't want to say those phrases so I could never say it out loud. . . Well, yet I suppose.

"How'd you get in here without my mom?" I asked quietly as snuggled into the couch even more so I could again keep the heat inside of me until I had another hot flash.

He just chuckled at me and I slowly opened my eyes to see him shaking his head. "Roxanne, did you forget that when we were younger your mom gave me the location to the spare key?"

I opened my eyes completely and I looked up at him. "Oh." I said quietly as I suddenly turned and looked away from him, my face feeling even hotter than it was supposed to be at a hundred degree temperature.

He smiled as the garage door opened. "Moms home." I replied quietly as I yawned and closed my eyes. I didn't want him to move. And mom wouldn't care if we were sitting like this right?

Suddenly Adam was up and across the room and my head had suddenly dropped down onto the couch with a thud.

Well that really hurt. Thanks.

I guess it Adams world she would care very very much. I sighed. Whats upsetting is that he's probably right.

I would probably would never hear the end of it from anyone inc my family since she would tell everyone and I mean everyone if she walked in and we were sitting like we had been moments ago. But it was more comfortable that way and I felt better, safer, warmer and more cared for than when he sat on he other side of the room in a separate chair.

Now it felt as if he were unreachable, as if he were on the other side of the world, I was at the North Pole and he was at the south, so far away they would never come close to one another, so similar and yet to different, so gloomy but yet so bright.

Too me that's what life was like right now. We had out ups, we had our downs and we have everything else, and right now we were at the bottom of the roller coaster.

I just hope we can't go down any further, otherwise we'll be underwater and unable to breathe. This relationship will not last if that happens, and I do not want to be the one that is going to let that happen.

I glared at him before I picked up my pillow and set it bad on the couch before I set my head lackadaisically back down onto my pillow and once again closed my eyes, pretending to sleep until she was going to wake up so she could check up on me.

I sighed quietly to myself as I turned slightly. Secretly dating absolutely sucks.