Hadiya's pov
I walk home in shock. he didn't even return after knowing I caught him in the act. I'm so disappointed, I never raised him like this. " a harami" my son is a harami. I never let him need money. I worked to get us everything we needed. I thought that would teach him how important one's reputation is. I smack my forehead repeatedly thinking about it.
how did I fail so horribly? I expected anything out of him but a harami. I could never think he would do something like that. it must be his friends, it must be because hanging out with bad kids it can't be his idea.
the door opens and he comes into the sala. we stare at each other. "whose idea was it?"
"what," he asks confused
"to steal whose idea was it?" he bites his lips and looks at the ground. no, no, no.
"Mama I'm -"
"I didn't raise you like this," I said getting up. I was more ashamed of myself for raising him. how did he start, how long has he been stealing? I never stole anything in my life, I showed him that you always work for what you want.
***
he doesn't come out to eat all day. I walked into the room, and he looks up at me with his dad's hazel eyes. "come out and eat"i said
"I'm not hungry," he said not looking me in the eyes. I turn around and feel like hitting myself in the head. why is he the one who looks upset, I'm upset. I breathe and instead of walking out I sit next to him and ask
"do you know the punishment for stealing?" he shakes his head.
"do you know its haram?" he nods
"do you know your hands will be witnesses to the things you've stolen?"
he shakes his head. I realize I'm the one who failed him.
"I'm sorry mama," he says with his fingers gripping the back of my dress. "I don't want to go to hell," he says afraid.
"Why did you do it?" I asked
"because some things cost so much and I don't want you to waste money on them. plus I was going to just burrow these things until I start making money."
"oh my little Qamar" I tilt my head and we both stare each other in the eye. my sweet sweet boy. I clasp his skinny cheeks, when did they lose their chubbiness? "you can't pay back what you eat. Allah forbid but what if these street vendors die before you make enough money?"
he doesn't say anything. "you don't need to steal. you never need to sin for any reason. Allah provides from whom he wills. is Allah not enough my Qamar?"
"I don't kn-"
I kiss his forehead "he is enough qamari...
and you're not going to hell. Allah is most merciful to those who repent and I'm really offended, your mother can take on the whole world if it's for you and you're not even giving me the chance to pay for your books or roti?" I said
"it's not that but you've already done so much"
"and for you i'll do more"
he smiles shaking his head. I slap him jokingly on the back of the head.
***
I stare at the wall above me after making sure Jabil was asleep. how do I help him ya Allah? I've been so carried away with my own emotions and my concerns that I hardly paid attention to the boy who grew in front of me. I feel helpless so I make wudu and pray while the tears fall onto the prayer mat. I'm not okay. This is all I'm good for crying like a damned baby.
I hate myself, the feeling of being a failure suffocates me again. Everything my aunt says about me is true I'm nothing but a leech, I'm a burden to all those around me. the world is better off without me. Even my own son thought he should steal because I couldn't provide well enough for him. I shouldn't be surprised, how dumb i was to think i could actually raise him well.
Jabil kicks and mumbles in his sleep. first i have to get him out of here. so what if I'm a woman alone, women are capable of so many things. My son needs me and i will not fail him and stay here.
for the next weeks, we continued reading surah al baqara until both me and him started seeing snakes in our dreams. i would see the snake slither around the yard. Jabil woke up and said he saw his aunt in the yard and she was digging the ground. "she just kept digging and then putting a lot of soil over something" he said tiredly. i bombarded him with questions after every nightmare, he was tired and didn't believe in black magic. "Jabil it's real and just watch, everything is going to get fixed insha'Allah. i went to the Shiekh to ask what could be the possible meanings of each dream that Jabil kept having. The Shiekh told us how the snake could mean that black magic was present in that area. Jabil and i dig the whole yard when my aunt left the house. Jabil found it pointless but I forced him to help. He lashes out sometimes at me but I understood why, he was afraid. He starts scratching his head and complaining that the dream might've been fake.
"what if I'm wrong, what if this is just a waste of time?" he says for what seems to be like the billionth time.
"Well, we won't know until we've searched the whole thing or we'll regret it" I pull out one of the flowers by accident while digging and find the black magic buried beneath it. I'm shocked, relieved, and worried. she was planning on letting it be buried there for life. i feel my anger engulf me, this whole time, all this, everything was all her fault. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO CRUEL? i wanted to storm into the sala and expose her in front of the whole town. i wanted to show them just how wicked she was. this was my only son what if he died, he was the only thing i had to protect and the person who harmed him was my aunt.
Jabil's eyes catch the wrapped black material in my hand and he leaps to hug me. he was almost as tall as me now. he laughs so loudly, so eagerly. i was fuming, what would I have done if I could never hear the sound of his laughter again. "she's going to pay for this"
YOU ARE READING
A silent cry
Historical Fiction"and after all this time of waiting the devil would reach out to me and whisper, he's dead and you are here, how much longer will you wait, how much longer would you deny the truth, at some point, I was afraid that he would unlock my ribcage and sen...
