***PLEASE DONT SKIP THIS IT IS THE REASONING FOR THIS CHAPTER***
So yesterday we had an assembly at my school, this guy named Mike Brown (please look him up!! gafundraising.com/changealife)came and talked to us, honestly at first, I thought why do I have to sit here for a hour listening to this guy, then he starts being funny and by the end of the day I have 0 humor. So I thought oh my god, just let me leave, then he got serious and started talking about how a ten year old wrote him a letter saying she had been getting bullied and she was called a bitch, slut and hor she didn't even know how to spell whore. I started crying while he was talking. Along with many others. But when he was talking about suicide and Self Harm and plastic smiles. I just thought of my self.. I started crying my eyes out. I desperately wanted to get up and walk out. But the sad thing was instead of inspiring people, it made some of them just bully people more, but me, I know how I treat people and I would NEVER say or do the things people say and do to others.. The even worse part wasn't that...it was that that assembly was such a trigger for me, when I got home I laid on my bed a cried but I had to set perfectly fine for two hours before I could go home, but when I got there, I stayed there and laid on my bed and let the tears pour out. I didn't even move because I knew that if I did than I would do something I didnt want to. But this is kind of what I was thinking of when I was laying there... Thank you if you actually read that. I'm sorry it was so much..
Trigger
Someone pulled the trigger
and set me off
I can't move
If I do
I'll do it.
I don't want to do it..
I want to stay
My mind is getting darker.
You aren't helping me
I tell myself.Pulled it
I'm gone
I don't feel it anymore
I don't think anymore
I don't talk anymore
I feel numb
I have a blank, dark mind
If I talk I'll start crying again.Wake up
Don't fall asleep
they told me not to
Don't fall asleep
I'm not listening
Don't fall asleep
I'm drifting awayThen it all stops.
I wake up.
I didn't give in to the trigger
I didn't stop feeling
I didn't stop thinking
I didn't stop talking
I didn't go numb
I didn't give in to the darkness
I didn't start crying
I didn't fall asleep
I didn't drift away.I'm still here..