***PLEASE DONT SKIP THIS IT IS THE REASONING FOR THIS CHAPTER***
So yesterday we had an assembly at my school, this guy named Mike Brown (please look him up!! gafundraising.com/changealife)came and talked to us, honestly at first, I thought why do I have to sit here for a hour listening to this guy, then he starts being funny and by the end of the day I have 0 humor. So I thought oh my god, just let me leave, then he got serious and started talking about how a ten year old wrote him a letter saying she had been getting bullied and she was called a bitch, slut and hor she didn't even know how to spell whore. I started crying while he was talking. Along with many others. But when he was talking about suicide and Self Harm and plastic smiles. I just thought of my self.. I started crying my eyes out. I desperately wanted to get up and walk out. But the sad thing was instead of inspiring people, it made some of them just bully people more, but me, I know how I treat people and I would NEVER say or do the things people say and do to others.. The even worse part wasn't that...it was that that assembly was such a trigger for me, when I got home I laid on my bed a cried but I had to set perfectly fine for two hours before I could go home, but when I got there, I stayed there and laid on my bed and let the tears pour out. I didn't even move because I knew that if I did than I would do something I didnt want to. But this is kind of what I was thinking of when I was laying there... Thank you if you actually read that. I'm sorry it was so much..
Trigger
Someone pulled the trigger
and set me off
I can't move
If I do
I'll do it.
I don't want to do it..
I want to stay
My mind is getting darker.
You aren't helping me
I tell myself.
Pulled it
I'm gone
I don't feel it anymore
I don't think anymore
I don't talk anymore
I feel numb
I have a blank, dark mind
If I talk I'll start crying again.
Wake up
Don't fall asleep
they told me not to
Don't fall asleep
I'm not listening
Don't fall asleep
I'm drifting away
Then it all stops.
I wake up.
I didn't give in to the trigger
I didn't stop feeling
I didn't stop thinking
I didn't stop talking
I didn't go numb
I didn't give in to the darkness
I didn't start crying
I didn't fall asleep
I didn't drift away.
I'm still here..
