Pain

90 5 0

by curly1307

by curly1307

21 years ago

Adam was two, Justin was three, Jay was six and Will was nine

I sigh rubbing my face. Adam was asleep, Jay was in the living room playing with his police car. Will was reading in his room. "I can take Adam" Bob said walking in "Adam is the least of our worries" "whys that" Hank said Camille and him walk in, Camille carrying Justin. "I just" "your a good mother" Camille said sitting beside me placing Justin on the ground, Justin runs over to play with Jay. "Am I'm keeping two of my kids away from their dad because his a drunk one hates me for it the other doesn't care" "he doesn't hate you" "he does" I said surely "I how am I going to parent three kids on my own" "your not on your own you have me and Henry also I don't think Bob will leave Adam" I sigh I felt like such a failure "how will I pay for it how will I" I said running my shaky hands through my hair. Camille grabs my hands "look at me your the best mother and these kids are lucky to have you it's why your Justin's godmother" Camille said rubbing my hands "mum guilt is real god I nearly drowned if it weren't for Henry I can't imagine trying it by myself but you aren't alone you have all of us" she added making me sigh. "Mumma why you sad" Jay said making me look up I wasn't aware he had moved. He climbs into my lap hugging me tightly. "Auntie Elle we like your smile" Justin said joining us. Jay tried to push him away but I grab his hand stopping him.

"Come on lets give your mum a minute" Bob said grabbing Jay. He was the perfect father to all of my kids. Even if he didn't have to, I expected nothing. I could tell Jay didn't want to leave, after nodding at him he eventually stopped fighting. "Hey your a perfect mother" Camille assures me as we watch the two males take the boys outside. I go to talk but stop hearing Adam start to cry. I jump running up the stairs to get my baby boy.

Camille was amazing. The perfect woman. Kind, caring, so very loving. I often wonder where Henry found her, I should correct I knew where he found her. I meant how he convinced her to be with him.

I carry Adam down the steps. Said child snuggled into me. "That boy is always going to be your baby" I smile "don't think he will grow out of it" "Jay did" "oh please it may seem like his grown out of it but that boy much like this little one they notice" she adds making me sigh "mumma sad" Adam said rubbing my face "I'm ok baby blue" I rub his back me smiles his beautiful smile. "Hey your my sister it may seem like you have no one because you have no family but that means nothing you have us you've had Henry for god knows how long" "since we were eighteen" I tell her "your our family I know you have mum guilt badly right now and have been probably suffer since you had him I fell horrible that non of us noticed" "don't feel bad I throw myself into them shield what I feel" "you shouldn't have to" "it's going to take a lot more that just that I was basically trained as a child to shield my emotions" "makes you a brilliant FBI agent I imagine" I nod "want to go play with your brothers" I ask Adam who shrugs "think his rather content in your arms" "if he could he would never leave them" she laughs.

"Camille told me you told her" "I told her I was trained to hide my feelings" "how are you" "well I had a horrible mother which I insure I will never be like my father well he it was always a guess as to what version you would get" "hey I know you want to talk about it" I sigh "my mother was an addict in every kind my dad he was kind but he was so sick my mother used his illness to keep him from leaving" "I know" Hank was the only ones to know the full extent of everything. How bad my childhood was. Going from caravan to trailer, the screaming, the beating, the alcohol and drugs. "Your a million times better than that look at this place" he highlighted wrapping his arm around me.

My kids were all playing running around. The three musketeers. Will was standing off to the side looking like he wanted to join, he wasn't as crazy as his brothers and cousin. "You can join them" "I know" he sighs "they will include you" "I know" "hey I know your my quiet baby but that doesn't mean you can't fit in with your crazy brothers" he smiles "go on and if they give you any trouble you tell me" he just looks at me "if hey it's Adam or Jay they can come sit in the kitchen I know Justin will be fine his a good kid but your brothers can be mean so if they do anything you tell me or your aunt and uncles ok" he sighs nodding I could see his nervous he was. He wanted to play with his brothers but he didn't know how to, his the opposite of his brothers. He doesn't know how to just be crazy like his brothers, even if he is a bit crazy himself.