Picking Up The Pieces//Luke Hemmings

Chapter 8

The first week was hell. Only an hour before he'd left I was so convinced that I belonged with Harry, I mean we have a child together, but I was so wrong. I didn't need Harry's bitterness or his sudden outbursts of romance, I needed Luke and all of his quirks. I craved his warmth and affection. I craved him and all of his being. But he wasn't there, all I could manage to do was care for Ava and wallow in my own self pity. It was my own personal self inflicted hell.

The days all blended after that, I wasn't entirely too sure what month we were even in anymore. It'd been six months, one hundred and eighty days, all spent doing the same thing. Six months of fake smiles, fake love, six months of trying to find him, trying to tell him the truth. Ava kept me strong, I knew this was the best thing for her. Every little girl deserves a happy life with both her mummy and her daddy. I used to believe Harry was the good actor, the one who faked it all, but in reality, I was the actress; I was the star of the show.

"Good morning love." Harry mused pressing sweet kisses to my cheek.

"Good morning." Fake cheer rang in my voice.

"Can Calum watch Ava tonight? I have plans for the both of us." Giving me the best puppy dog face he could manage he waited for my answer.

"There's no harm in asking." I smiled excusing myself from the table.

'How can I remember to forget..' My ringtone caught me off guard.

It was his ringtone, it was the first time in six months that he'd called me, I couldn't even speak.

"Hello?" His voice rang clear on the other end. A deep sob ran through the speaker and I knew there was no going back.

"Oh Lucy.." This was all I had wanted for six months, and here I was at a total loss for words.

"Luke.." I finally managed to squeak at least an acknowledgment out of my mouth.

"I'm so sorry Lucy." I couldn't do it, all of my progress, which really wasn't much, was gone in the blink of an eye.

"I miss you." I whispered before ending the call.

I sat on my bathroom floor, door locked, head in my hands. I wiped the tears that still stung my eyes, quickly dialing Cals number.

"Hello m'lady." His smile could be heard through the phone.

"Oh Calum, I can't do this anymore." My voice was small and weak sounding.

"Come over Lucy, you can explain everything once you get here. I'll see you in fifteen, bring Ava with you." The line clicked on his end signaling that he'd hung up.

I cleaned myself up a bit before exiting into the living room. Without saying a word I made my way to Ava's room, I packed a bag for Calums throwing in clothes for both her and I, I wasn't too sure if I'd be returning home tonight. I gently woke Ava bringing her close to my body.

"Come on baby, we're gonna go see Cally!" I cheered earning a sleepy giggle from the baby cuddled deep in my chest.

"Cally." She mumbled slipping back into her dreamy slumber.

Harry was still sat at the table eating his breakfast when I returned Ava on my hip. He smiled cheekily pressing kisses to both mine and Ava's lips. I smiled a false smile while slipping on a pair of black toms and my pea coat.

"I'm heading to Calums and then going shopping text me when you want to go out and I'll meet you there or something." My voice came out emotionless, I forced a smile on my face and placed a kiss on his cheek just before walking out of the prison I called home.

A short drive later and there I was, in the familiar bedroom where it had all began. Only this time it was different, he wasn't going to come walking through the door with his Australian charm. This time it was just Ava and I sitting on the bed that now seemed too big for just the two of us.

Ava was sleeping silently in the bedroom as I sat there explaining what had happened. Calums eyes were filled with sympathy as he tried to figure out what to say.

"Lucy, I just don't know what to say." He whispered patting my leg tenderly.

"I miss him Cal." I whispered a few tears falling effortlessly down my cheeks.

"Do you love him?" He whispered not meeting my gaze.

"Yea..I do.." I admitted staring intently at my hands.

"Then go love him." He whispered not meeting my gaze.

Silence overcame the both of us as we processed our own thoughts. He was right, but right and easy aren't the same things.

Making my way to the room I decided to make the call. Even if he didn't answer I just needed him to know how I felt about things.

"You've reached Luke, leave a message." His mailbox signaling he hasn't answered.

"Hey, it's me. I tried everything. I smoked, I drank, I drove 100 on the freeway. Anything to make my heart feel the way it did when it was next to yours. I used to wonder what I wanted to be, well I've finally decided. If I could be anything I'd want to be someone you love, because I love you. So much." I clicked end before losing grip on what sanity I had left.

Sleep soon took over my mind as I laid myself down next to my daughters sleeping figure.

The last thing on my mind was Luke, it's always Luke.