Me, Myself and Minions

Chapter 1

"Gru! Gru! Gru! Gru!"

"Argh, enough!" I said as I got out of bed and headed straight for the elevator of evil. I was pushed and shoved around by my minions who were full of such giddy joy for some reason, I would never get.

"Alright! Alright!" I yelled at them as five of my minions got on the elevator with me and we began to descend down to my evil lair. I was EXHAUSTED. Half the time I had to share my bed with Bob, the youngest of the minions, and often Kevin and Stuart would join us, making the bed extremely stuffy and cramped.

"Mini boss!" I could hear them now chanting as I descended to the floor of my basement, (still being constructed to be the perfect lair... for now) and I lowered my eyebrows when I heard them chant "Mini boss!" again and again.

"You guys got me up at this time in the morning just to scream and cheer at me? What is this even?" I asked, dumbfounded as I walked across the crowded floor of minions and saw right before my eyes, red velvet cake with my name iced on it – not well, but there was definite thought and effort put into it, if a little underwhelming.

"Seriously, what is IT?" I snapped and the minions began to circle around me as they began to sing in their own language the words – translated by me.

"Happy birthday to Gru! Happy birthday to GRU! Happy birthday to GRU! Happy birthday to Gru!"

"YAY!" They all cheered, blowing party poppers and bringing the huge cake right before my blue glaring eyes.

I looked at it, my mouth dropping open just the littlest as I realized something just then.

It was my birthday... and for the first time, it was being celebrated.

"GRU! GRU! GRU! GRU!" They continued to cheer and one minion handed me a huge sharp butcher knife, indicating for me to cut the big cake.

I however stayed perfectly still, as the realization was hitting me hard. For the first time in my life, someone... or MANY ones actually cared for me.

My minions... they loved me.

"Thank you, Ryan," I said to the minion who handed me the knife and he gave a giddy thumbs up back to me. I smiled softly, a true endeared smile, and stabbed the cake quite savagely, the minions laughing and greedily eating up quickly the pieces that fell to the floor.

I knew then that I was growing up, as I was now the young age of 12, but I knew right then and there... with these guys, the older I got, I would be unstoppable in my quest to be the most powerful super villain in existence.

"Gru! Gru!"

"Alright, minions, thank you, thank you... but listen," I said quickly and they all gathered around me eagerly, trembling in pure ecstasy as I told them, "Today is a BIG day, the day I start acting more like a man, and accomplish my goals and dreams."

"YAY!" They all screamed and I could hear Stuart call out from the back, "Go, boss!"

"Yes, yes" I replied with still that small smile and I looked at them in giddy glee of my own, "So you ask me, what is my newest evil scheme gonna be?"

"Ce! Ce! Ce!" They all called, so eager, so desperate to know.

"I am going to..."

"CE!?"

"Take over the united states and steer them into war with RUSSIA!"

They all gasped in huge delighted squeals and I continued, waving my pale hands a little to calm them down.

"How to do this, you may ask me?"

"CE, BOSS! CE?!"

"I am going to be the youngest president in the history of the states!"