Goodbye Cruel World

Part 8

The funeral was short. A few friends of his parents turned up, but nobody was really sad to see him go. Except me. I looked over at his mother. She hadn't shed a single tear. His own mother didnt care that she had lost her only son.

I walked over to him to say my final goodbye. He looked so peaceful in that wooden box, like he was sleeping. I put my hand on his chest where the steady thumping of his heart should have been. The heart that had loved me for so long. The heart I broke.

A gentle kiss on his cold, pale forehead and a whispered "I love you" was my final farewell to him.

I stood by the pit as he was lowered into the dark, cold ground. He didn't deserve to be down there; buried in the mud and hastily forgotten.

It started to rain lightly. A small smile managed to break through my tears. Dan loved the rain. I looked up to see a rainbow. A pretty bit of colour in a sea of grey cloud. Was that what I was like to him?

I watched as the grave was refilled. They could fix the hole that was made here, but the gaping space that was left in my heart couldn't be replaced by anyone or anything.

Dan never got his chance to be allowed to love me.

I never took my chance to tell him I love him back.

Until it was too late. I guess you don't know how special what you have is until it's gone.

-

About a year later, I started cutting. It was my fault. My fault he killed himself. He was dead because of me. I rejected him for Alex. I didn't even give him one chance. I was all he had in the world, and I left him.

I finally understood the relief that the pain gave him. It gave me freedom, a distraction and a respite from the cruel world we live in.

I had placed flowers on his grave every day for 2 years now. Every single day. We were 19. My life had gotten nowhere. My grades had dropped, all of my friends had left me. He was my only real company. The only one who really cared.

The epitaph on the gravestone read:

ᎻᎬᎡᎬ ᏞᏆᎬᎦ ᎠᎯᏪᏆᎬᏞ ᎮᎯᎽᏪᎬ:

ᏞᏫᏉᎬᎠ ᏰᎽ ᎷᎯᏪᎽ,

ᎡᎬᎷᎬᎷᏰᎬᎡᎬᎠ ᏰᎽ ᎯᏞᏞ

I could almost laugh at how unfitting it was.

I carefully layed a single red rose in front of the gravestone. Today was the anniversary of his death. The anniversary of the day he was taken from me for the rest of my life.

I whispered to him.

"Hello Dan. How are you? Today's the day. Today's the day..."

I carried on muttering to him, ignoring stares from passer-bys. I was used to the stares. I had no friends anymore, and I had sunken into a depression. The only person I talked to was dead, and I still talked to him. Most people wouldn't regard that as normal.

I kissed the top of the gravestone, stood up, and walked away.

I read the note for the final time. The paper was spattered with both my blood and his, but always with the same knife.

Rebecca,

I know you will be the person to find this note. Which is good, because you are the only person I want to read this. Nobody else would care enough to understand.

If you haven't realized my departure yet, check the bathroom. The door isn't locked. Don't worry, the water should be red enough so you won't see anything. If not, then I apologize.

As you probably already know, I don't have that much to live for. Life doesn't really seem to have a point for me. All I seem to do is self harm. I hardly ever go to school, and when I do it's only ever to see you.

But lately you seem... Different. Maybe you are just changing, or maybe it's Alex changing you. Either way, you aren't the Becky I used to know. You are still my sunshine, and you always will be, but you aren't the same Becky that was my best friend for 6 years.

The world was cruel to me. It gave me a life of pain and hatred, so why should I carry on living it? The only reason I did was because of you. It's strange really. I love rain and I love sunshine. Together they make a rainbow.

I love you Rebecca. Never forget that.

-Daniel Payne-

I wondered why he had used his full name. Maybe it was because of his last name. Payne. It sounds like pain, the pain he was always in.

I looked at the bottom of the note. It was a familiar picture, drawn in his blood. The same picture I took from him so long ago. Though it had taken me a while to figure out it was me and Dan, not me and Alex.

I sat on the carpet in my room, facing the window. From the angle I was sitting at, all I could see was the sky. Not a single cloud floated by. All that was visible was the sun and an abyss of blue.

I held the bottle of pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. The note was next to me on the floor. This would be my note too, I had no need for my own. There was nobody alive that I needed to say anything to. I had signed my name next to his at the bottom; Rebecca Wolfe.

Not taking my eyes away from the window, I swallowed a large handful of pills followed by a mouthful of water. I sat there, waiting for the pills to take effect.

After a few minutes I started to feel tired and weak. I forced myself not to close my eyes, keeping them focused on the window. I was determined that the last thing I saw would be the sky, the place I wanted to go. The place I wanted to meet Dan again.

The sun in the corner of my vision seemed to get brighter and brighter, until it filled up the whole sky. All I could see was brightness. It didn't hurt at all. For the first and last time in my life I could stare at the sun without getting hurt.

It kept getting brighter and brighter, until my entire vision went white.

Goodbye, cruel world.

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine,

You make me happy,

When skies are grey,

You'll never know dear,

How much I love you,

Please don't take,

My sunshine away...

ᎢᎻᎬ ᎬᏪᎠ