Goodbye Cruel World

Part 5

Thursday

I missed seeing her face. That was the only reason I was coming back to school. I was supposed to be back four days ago, but I saw no point in coming back. She didn't visit. Not once.

8:30am

The walk to school was lonely.

Nobody bouncing up to me.

Nobody ripping off my headphones. Just me.

My first lesson was science. Chemistry to be exact. At least I got to sit next to her. A short woman with frizzy hair started explaining what we were supposed to do. The actual science teacher was on a school trip.

I caught the words "experiment" and "practical". I stopped listening and turned to my right to see the person who would be doing all the work this lesson with a smirk.

Only she wasn't there.

That's strange. Was she sick? That would have explained why she didn't visit.

The grin was quickly wiped off my face when I saw her in the seat next to Alex.

I read the instructions on the board and started the experiment up when she wandered up to me.

"Hey Dan. Sorry I didnt tell you I was gonna sit next to Alex earlier. I couldn't find you anywhere."

"Were you even looking? I didn't go anywhere unusual. In fact, it's you that I couldn't find anywhere this morning."

That came out a little harsher than I expected. Oh well. I wasn't in a kind mood today anyway.

"Look, Dan, I'm really sorr-"

"Sorry for what? Sorry that you prefer to spend time with your boyfriend than your loser of a friend? It's fine, I understand. Save your breath."

Before she could respond, I grabbed a random chemical and poured almost the whole bottle of it into the solution we were given.

The result created a little more than a mess. Well, it burnt a hole through the table. Surprisingly, all I got was detention.

Apart from a painful glimpse of Becky and Alex kissing at lunch, the day passed in a blur of boredom. As usual. There was no art lesson today, so at home I found myself cutting intricate patterns into my arm. I could have used pencils and paper, but I would end up drawing the same thing I always do. I didn't want to think about her. Not right now.

The next few weeks or so carried on like this, when one day, I realized something. Why am I living like this? There's no point. Nobody loves me. The one person I love is happy with someone else. Isn't that all that matters? That Rebecca is happy?

Nobody loves me. Nobody needs me. I'm dead weight. Pointless.

Why bother existing at all?