Goodbye Cruel World

Part 2

Monday, 5:00

I got home and went straight to my room, locking the door and completely ignoring my parents. They would wouldn't care if I came back with a broken leg. They wouldn't care if I didn't come back at all. I got changed and got my knife from the inside of my pillow.

I had just started to cut into my hand when I got a text. From Rebecca.

"Hey Dan! Can I come round tonight? I need to return your umbrella."

I dropped the knife and fumbled with my phone. My fingers had become slippery with blood, and more was coming out of the wound on my hand. After much cursing and dropping my phone, I managed to text her back.

"sure! Come around 6?"

I looked at the time. It was 5:45. That only gave me 15 minutes to clean myself up. I unlocked my door and washed the cut clean. I didn't bandage it though. Why bother?

I got another text from her.

"ok! See you then!"

I took a 5 minute shower just to clean myself up. I tried (and failed) to clean up my room, but oh well. I hid my knife again. Becky would go ballistic if she saw it. She was used to seeing my room messy, and she was never really that bothered about that.

I checked the time. 5:57. She would be here any moment now. I hastily started dressing myself, hoping I would be presentable by the time she turned up. I heard the front door open and shut, but I assumed it was my father going out to buy more alcohol.

I was nearly ready. My hair was still a mess though. I reached for my shirt when I heard a voice.

"Dan? Dan--"

She stood in the doorway and stared at me. I didn't know how to react, so I just stood there awkwardly with my shirt in my hand.

"umm..."

She took a couple of tentative steps towards me, staring at the multitude of scars scattered around my upper body. She traced a particularly large scar on my chest with her finger, before her gaze moved towards a rather new cut I had.

She looked at me. The expression on her face seemed to be a mixture of emotions. Her eyes seemed to be blazing with anger, but at the same time filled with tears of pity and sadness.

"Daniel you told me you stopped harming yourself..."

I had told her I had stopped about 3 months ago, 1 year after she had found out and 5 years after I had started. It was obviously a lie. How could I stop?

"I lied..." I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I stared at the floor, ashamed at myself for not telling her the truth.

She stood there, about a foot away from me. I pulled the shirt on and looked at her.

She stood there for a moment, thinking. Then all of a sudden her face started to crumple up, and she burst into tears.

I pulled her into a hug and did my best to comfort her. I wasn't the best, but I wasn't as hopeless as I thought I would be.

"shhh, don't cry. What's the matter now?"

I could barely understand her through the sobbing and mumbling.

"I m-miss him a-a-already!"

Eugh. Not Alex again. What did she see in him!?

"it's ok. You deserve better than him anyway."

"Are you k-kidding? H-he was the b-best th-thing that ever h-happened to me!"

It carried on like this for a while. I would say something good about her and bad about Alex, and she would insist that Alex was too good for her.

I eventually managed to get through, and she gave me a small tear-stained smile. She had completely soaked through my shirt.

"Thanks Dan. You are such a great guy! Who knew a friend could be this nice?"

Friend. The word being said to me by her felt like being stabbed in the chest. More specifically, the heart.

"yeah, friend..." I mumbled to myself.

I looked outside my window. It had gotten quite dark. Becky got up and looked outside too.

"it's getting late. I should get back home..."

"Oh... Ok... I guess I won't see you till next week then."

"Of course you will! I will visit you everyday after school." she said with a grin.

"really? Thanks!" I couldn't conceal my happiness. I smiled, something I rarely did. I probably looked awful, since I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I just stood there awkwardly, my mouth curled up in my awful attempt of a grin.

She got the umbrella out of her bag and passed it to me.

"I believe this belongs to you."

"oh. Yeah. Thanks."

I took the umbrella from her and looked at her face. She wasn't everyone's idea of beautiful, but to me she was as close to perfect as you can get.

Her Dark blue eyes were still red and puffy from crying, and her wavy sand colored hair was a mess. She looked pretty awful, and I think she could tell. Her eyes shined with fresh tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

"Now why are you crying? It better not be Alex again."

I didn't bother trying to hide my distaste for him.

"No, it isn't Alex. I just look absolutely awful. Im sure of it."

She was crying... Because she thought she thought she was ugly? Oh hell no. That is not the Rebecca I fell in love with.

"but Rebecca... It's just looks. Besides, you look great! And anyway, since when do you care?"

Hrmm. Maybe I worded that wrong. By that I meant the Rebecca I know, aka my sunshine, wouldn't give a damn about how she looked. As long as her family, friends and (unfortunately) her boyfriend was happy, she was.

"Since when do I care? Since when do I CARE!?"

Yep, I definitely worded that wrong. She went off on a rant about how she has always cared, but I didn't hear a word of it. I was too taken aback at how much she had changed.

In just the space of a few days, the girl I loved had transformed into someone unrecognizable. And who had been the cause of all this?

Alex.

If Alex hadn't done this to her, she would be fine.

She was still shouting. It didn't look like she was going to stop anytime soon. I wondered how I could stop her. Shouting back? No, that would just create an argument. Hugging her? No, she would just shove me away. It might not be enough anyway.

I had a thought. It was stupid really, but it could work. I had wanted to do this for years anyway. She was still yelling, when suddenly I leaned forward and kissed her.

It wasnt very long, but it seemed to do the trick. She went completely silent. I stood there awkwardly, staring at my feet. When I eventually looked at her, I wasn't surprised.

She was still silent, and her face had turned bright red. I could feel my face heating up, and I guessed I was blushing too. I was quite surprised that I had actually done it. but now that I had, I felt terribly embarrassed.

"sorry. I didn't mean to--" I stuttered.

"it's fine. Don't worry about it..." she mumbled back.

"I-I should go..." she said quietly, before running off.

I slumped against a wall, cursing myself. Why did I do that!? I am going to regret this moment for the rest of my life.

Not that I plan on it being very long.