Duskwood: Love's Beginning

27 - Jake

I looked on in consternation and helplessness at Jayna's explanation in the group chat as she tried to tell them what happened to Richy. I could see her panic and despair, and regretted getting some sleep so that I was not online when she got a phone call.

Why was he targeting her? Each time he made a move, he tried to hurt her with his actions. What was the reason? I wish I could find out so I could protect her better.

Once her painful conversation with the group was over, I messaged her privately. She was hurting so much. She begged me to be there for her physically, and my heart shattered. I wanted that, so much. It took everything in me not to hop into the car and drive to her. But I knew once I saw her, I would not be able to leave. I would need to keep her with me always, and I could not drag her down with me into this life of flight and risk.

Even with my poor emotional intelligence, I still knew that she needed to vent and I encouraged her to do so. Let her take her anger, sadness, and frustration out on me. I would rather she say hurtful things to me than hold it in and damage herself. She blamed us and blamed me. These were valid feelings, appropriate to the situation. I felt this guilt myself.

I told her to hang on, that we could not give up. When she asked me why not, I held nothing back from her. I described to her how much I wanted to take her away, to keep her safe. But I knew this situation would follow us wherever we went.

And I feared that it would eventually tear us apart if we did not see it to resolution. Someone with as much integrity as her could not just abandon those who needed her, and I worried the guilt would eat us both alive.

Then, I held out my hand to her and asked her to stay. I hoped with everything I had that she would because I did not know if I could continue without her. I let go of my contained breath when she agreed. I had hope again. With Jayna on my side, I could move mountains.