The Secrets We Keep ( trixya )

Feeling Safe

Trixie POV

" deep breath in, deep breath out." Katya said as she held me in her arms. This was our pre stage ritual. This was our first live performance together since Katya got out of rehab. I knew she was nervous by the way her hands were shaking in mine.

" remember the audience is on your side. They love you." I reminded her gently. " I love you" I added. A small smile creeped across her face.

" I know I love you too. I'm so glad we're back and doing this again." She sighed.

It had been exactly a year since the drama with Katy had gone down. I knew that Katya was worried the fans would treat her differently, but I constantly assured her all would be fine. Everything between the two of us was more or less back to normal, best friends once more.

" Alright ladies time to hit the stage!" Called one of the backstage directors. Giving Katya one last glance and smile I walked on stage.

" Hello Las Vegas!" I called out to the audience. They screamed and cheered, anxious for the show to start. " now before I start the show, you should know that it's not just me here today." I paused for dramatic effect. " I also dragged along with me the amazing the funny the talented ," this was my way of hyping her up backstage. " my beast friend in the whole world who I couldn't do this without, you know her you love her, please welcome to the stage Katya Zamolodchicova!!!" The audience erupted into a fit of screams as she ran on stage. She gave me a quick hug before addressing the audience.

The show was going really well. The crowd was drunk and totally hyped. We danced and put on a bit of a comedy show. Just as we closed the show I wrapped my arms around Katya and kissed her. I knew that this was nothing new and that we did it all the time, however it usually got the crowd fairly exited and encouraged them to ship us. Shipping us resulted in views for UNHHH, the show me and Katya created and starred in. Sure enough they erupted into cheers.

Something was different in the kiss though. The kiss not only lasted longer than usual,but it felt like more. Almost as if it actually meant something, even though it one hundred percent didn't. Right?

Katya POV

me and trixie hurried back to our dressing room to de drag.

" that was good right?" She asked looking worriedly at me.

" so good. And you hardly talked over me!" I laughed.

" your right! I guess I'm going to have to make up for it this evening by talking over you even more." She said. She said seriously as if it wasn't a joke.

" does that mean you want to grab dinner?" I asked hoping she would say yes. I didn't like to let on but I was lonely. I wasn't ready to head back to my hotel yet, I wanted more quality time with my friend.

" I thought that went without saying. Of course I want to get dinner with you. Also you got red lipstick all over me" she said eyeing herself in the mirror.

" your the one who kissed me! That was completely un scripted Mary." I said defensively.

" did you like it? Cause the audience did." It wasn't new for us to kiss, and I really didn't care. It just felt different for some reason. Also our kisses in our shows were always planned at strategical points. This time it had completely caught me of guard.

" no I loved it. I mean I didn't love it, it was okay, I really liked it. I would do it again. I mean" I stopped talking to stop myself from spiralling. I don't know what was wrong with me tonight. It was a stupid kiss it meant nothing.

She laughed and looked at me. " you okay? Is my bald baby getting tired already?" She teased.

We got out of drag, and trixie brought me to her hotel room. There were two beds so she said I could spend the night. We ate room service and talked for hours. I don't know or remember what I was rambling on about , but whatever it was was completely forgotten within seconds. The minute I looked at Brian I lost my entire train of thought. He was staring at me. Not just listening but full on staring.

( out of drag drag names and he/him pronouns. Brian firkus is trixie and Brian mckook is Katya for those of you that didn't know. )

" what?" I asked laughing a little at him.

" nothing your just so...." He paused thinking of the right word. " your so fun to talk too. I don't talk like this with anyone other than you. It's refreshing and I missed you. I missed us." He said sincerely. Which was completely awful because he knew I couldn't take sincerity without joking about it. I wasn't used to compliments.

" oh yeah I know. It's easy to miss all this!" I said jokingly. He laughed a little but than reputed himself.

" no seriously Brian. I really do love working with you. I wouldn't want to do this with anybody else." He smiled honestly.

" I love you I love working with you and I'm glad to be back and out of that nightmare hell hole" I said working up the courage to push down a joke. It really was the truth. If it weren't for brain I probably wouldn't be perusing drag the way I am now. And what better job than talking with your best friend for hours and dressing up. I really did mean every word I said.

" why are you sitting all the way over there? Get your ass over here and we can watch a show before bed." He said looking at me like he seriously was confused why I was sitting in one of the two beds that wasn't his.

Reluctantly I got up and sat down beside him resting my head on his shoulder.

" this is going to sound cheesy but even after everything we've been through, this is where I feel safest. I know it's weird and cringy but it's true." I say.

He kisses the top of my bald head. It says everything without any words.

The show we were watching ends and I start to get up and walk over to the other bed when I hand grabs my wrist.

" where are you going ?" Brian asks genuinely confused.

" what do you mean?" I laugh. " I'm going to bed. It's late and we have to catch the plane early tomorrow." I explain.

" you can sleep with me in my bed if you want. I mean if you don't think it's weird or anything."

Was it weird of me to share a bed with him when there were two beds? I mean Brian was just my best friend so it shouldn't be weird. I climbed back in with him and turned to face him.

" the flight leaves at 9 am tomorrow so I'll wake up you up at five so we can get to the airport. It's a bit far. Also Courtney is driving us to her place after to hang out." He said. I didn't really listen to any of it because he was looking in my eyes the entire time. I couldn't focus like that.

( Courtney is Courtney Act btw. )

He kind of scooted closer to me and and rested his head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and smiled to myself.

Trixie POV

I found Katyas bone structure so fascinating. I found myself staring at her more usual than not. As I was laying in Brian's arms, I realized that I completely understood what he was saying before. I had absolutely never felt as safe as I did laying in his arms. I fell asleep.

I woke up before brain did, so I quietly scooted out of his grasp so I wouldn't wake him. I made my way into the bathroom. I didn't have to pee though. I stared at myself in the mirror. Pink lipstick smudged across my face with a hint of red that I hadn't fully gotten off with makeup remover. There was a slight black hint above my eye were my thick eyeliner had once been. Other than that I pretty much looked like normal Brian Firkus. However I didn't feel quite so normal these days. Ever since Katya had come back, and apologized for everything that had happened something felt different. I found myself more interested in her and found myself staring at her more and more. I didn't want to call it a crush, because I knew that we were best friends and that was all. But whenever we hugged cuddled or touched I felt butterflies. I felt loved and safe in katyas arms. Okay that's something I had never felt with anyone before. It was 5 o clock. Time to wake Katya.

I didn't want to. He looked so peaceful sleeping there.

" Brian, it's five" I said whispering and lightly touching his back. He opened his eyes and smiled.

" ugh I don't wanna" he said. I gave him a nudge and he grudgingly got out of bed.

We packed our suit cases and checked out by 5:30.