The Secrets We Keep ( trixya )

Soldier

Katya POV

1 month later

I was getting sick of the hospital. The only thing getting me through it was Trixie. I forgave her but Until we were in a relationship I still couldn't be fully sure where we stood. Good news was that I only have a week left in this dump and then I can head home.

My phone buzzed with a text from Trixie.

💕😳T: my car broke down, I won't be there for a while srry

♥️ : that's okay do t worry about it. I think some of our friends are coming for a visit today. They'll keep me company until you get here.

💕😳T: I'll be there as soon as I can. Love you

I stared at the words love you for a long  time.

Sure enough friends did show up. Bianca, adore, Courtney, alaska, and ginger came waltzing in. I was super exited to see them.

" we don't want to overwhelm you so well send a few in at a time" said a nurse that I didn't even realize was there.

First we're Bianca and adore.
" well look at you, you piece of shit" Bianca said. Adore gave her a little punch in the side.

" I feel like a piece of shit" I said truthfully.

" seriously though, how are you feeling?" Adore asked.

" oh I'm good, we'll not good but better" I said. They nodded understandingly.

" how's Trixie. I assume she's been here a lot." Adore asked. We were package deal. When people asked about one of us we usually had to talk about the other half of us as well.

" oh yeah she's doing good. Her car broke down but she said she'd be here soon" Bianca raised an eyebrow.

" ok now how are you and Trixie?" I looked at them confused.

" I just told you how we were Barbara!" I laughed.

" how are you guys doing together? Figuring it out I suppose?" Adore asked making much more sense then Bianca did. I caught in to what they were saying.

"I guess you could say that" I responded honestly.

" have you heard her new album?" I shook my head. Truthfully I had no idea she even had a new one out.

" you should probably listen to it. I think there are a few songs on there that might be of interest to you." Adore smiled and patted my leg.

Alaska ginger and Courtney came in and talked with me for a bit. They all stayed about an hour in total.

Then once again I was on my own. Remembering what adore had told me about trixies album I put in AirPods and began to listen. They were all amazing but one stuck out to me in particular. A song called soldier, I wasn't quite sure what it was about or who it was for, but it was clear that whoever trix wrote the song about meant a lot to her. It was beautiful. I listened to the song on repeat.

Weirdness follows me wherever I go,
Weirdness seems to know me even better than I seem to know myself,
I'm someone else.

The lyrics were kind and sweet. I wish Trixie would write a song about me. I would love that. This song was perfect and she sang with such emotion about the topic, that it made me wish it was for me.

Oh soldier take your time,
No said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine,
But even if they don't, no one needs to know
Whoa,whoa soldier you got to let things go

I heard the door open and I paused the song and took out the earbuds. I smiled happily the minute I saw who it was. Trixie Mattel.

" hey trix" I said reaching my arms out for a hug. She obliged and gave me a big hug. It lasted a few seconds longer than it needed to but I didn't mind one bit.

" the nurse said you get out in a week. That's so amazing," she smiled. " I'm so proud of you" she said looking into my eyes. This part confused me.

" trix I love you but your wrong. Please don't be proud of me. I literally tried to kill myself, and then proceeded to try and convince you to let me die" I shivered at the memory.

" yes but I didn't let you die did I? I'm still proud of you. You've been so cheery through this whole recovery. I don't know if I'd have the strength." She said as she sat down on the edge of my bed.

" hey, how come you wrote a whole album. Which is incredible by the way, and then didn't tell me?" I asked genuinely curious why she wouldn't tell me something like that.

" oh!" She looked taken aback that I even knew about. Maybe she didn't want me to hear it. " do you like it?" She asked touching my hand.

" I love it. But that wasn't my question" I repeated.

TRIXIE POV

oh god. He was asking about the album I wrote for him. I didn't want him to know because it was cringy and I didn't want him to think it was weird.

" I didn't tell you cause I didn't think it was important. And honestly whenever I come here I'm focused on you. Not anything else" I said partially telling the truth. he didn't seem to realize it was about him, and I couldn't decide wether to tell him or not.

" oh well. The songs are very good. What are they about, you seem to have some sort of inspiration." I wanted to change the subject but I couldn't.

" kat, most of them are about you." He looked at me dumbfounded.

" no way!" He seemed so exited it made me smile.

" wait your not mad?" I asked surprised that he was t lashing out at me writing something so personal about his struggles.

" mad? Why would I be mad? I love it trix. That's the nicest thing you've ever done for me" he smiled this huge smile that made me want to kiss him.

" really? Well I'm glad you like it" I said.

Katya yawned loudly and sighed.

"I'm tired. I might have a nap" he said still smiling a little.

" do you want me to hold you?" I asked hoping he would say yes.

" that's not something friends do trix." He said looking up at me.

" well we're not exactly friends" I said matching his energy.

" then why are you still sitting there? Come on" I smiled wider and scooted into bed beside him. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed.

" do you- do you think we would be a good couple?" I asked awkwardly. This probably was t the time but I felt like bringing it up again.

" this again. Look I know your not ready for that and it's fine. Don't worry about it" he said closing his eyes again.

" I- I um I think we'd make a good couple" I said trying to say what I was thinking without saying it.

" I think we would to." He said still not getting the hint.

" kat, would you maybe I don't know want to give it a try with me. I mean only if you want. We don't have to" I squeezed my eyes shut in embarrassment and fear of rejection.

He bolted up in bed so fast I jumped a little.

" trixie Mattel are you asking me out?" He asked eyes wide.

" I think I am" I said sitting up as well. " do you accept?"

" of course I do Mary! Obviously! Your the one who wasn't ready." That was technically true.

" okay then. So just so we're clear unlike last time. We're a couple. Correct" I asked clarifying so things didn't get messy.

" yes. That sounds good. Does that mean I can kiss you and hold your hand and stuff whenever I want." He asked with this idiot grin on his face that made me smile.

" yes it does mean that" with that he leaned in and kissed me. I smiled into the kiss and wrapped my hands around his waist. After that we layed down and cuddled.