Chasing her

Secret

I blinked assuring what I saw was real "steve?" I stuttered he caught my worried look "shit" I heard him mutter. Then I exploded.
"Yeah, shit, what the hell steve why are you hear with her are you seriously joking. What was it you said the other night "love of my life" actually you said a lot of things last night which I guess weren't true huh?" I said my voice gradually raising. Hold on why am I shouting I've done the exact same I am such an idiot this it what it would feel like if I they ever found out slowly I broke down into tears placing my hand I've r my mouth realising for the first time  what I'd actually done. Steve walked over to me pulling me towards him I just stood there "y/n I'm sorry you were never supposed to find out like this" I cried harder I couldn't help it through tears I managed to say "look steve I'm sorry, I shouldn't of shouted at you when I've done the same thing and I'm so sorry can we just agree to never speak of this and go our separate ways I love you steve but I can't do this" "are you sure y/n I love you I want to be with you" I buried my head into him. After a minute of nothing I lifted my head up to loom at him "and we can but not like this I love you Steve but I can't date you I've done something terrible you deserve someone better okay after this pls can we just stay like this friends if we ever wanna start again way into the future but for now I just I can't" he kissed my fore head and nodded slowly walking away not leaving my touch until he was metered away looking down to the floor. It was done. If started it now I had to finish I can't live this lie date more than one guy it's not right knowing how it felt it's wrong and I am only just realising this I always knew it was wrong but the knife cuts deep, deeper than I expected and red pools were slowly growing around me.

Billy walked towards me broadly smiling but his was dropped with concern when he saw I'd been crying "hey what's up?" He said pulling me towards him. Stop lying to someone you love that much. "Nothing can we go. Please." I said wiping a tear off my face he nodded taking my hand in his.
This was the first car ride with him where I didn't feel at home how could I do much had happened and I was slowly avoiding the truth the silence stabbed my in the chest k couldn't bare it he knew something was up, he just thought it was clouds not a flaming asteroid sprinting towards him. The car slowly stopped out of breathe. "So are you gonna tell me what wrong" he said bluntly turning to me
I exhaled quietly it was now or never I couldn't bare to think of his face "before I say this you need to know and keep in mind one thing and I know after I say this it's gonna sound like bull shit but it more true than I could ever explain" he smiled confused "billy I love you okay I am madly in love with you and it made me so mad I did something unforgivable."
" Y/n what's up" i quiver of fear ran Ik my spine I could here the concern in my voice I tried to push down the guilt and stalled the tears I paused for a moment to prepare for battle. I raised my sword "since we've been going out I've been dating someone else. Two people um actually. You all asked me out on the same day and somehow i couldnt say no. I've been cheating but I'd never do it to hurt you i know saying I wouldn't do anything to hurt you sounds stupid but it's true and I have no excuse for what I've done except for I loved you all so much I couldn't make a choice until it happened to me it made me realise I can't do this to the people I love most so here I am" he heavily breathed in and out in and out in and out (that sounds wrong) "so this whole time you've been with two other guys" I stayed silent I couldn't reply I just couldn't I could feel the growing rage in his voice. Silence. After a minute of death and silence i slowly started to from words "billy I can't apologise enough and I know you'll probably never want to see me again and that's okay it will break my heart but I understand. Like it said it's gonna sound like shit but.....I do love you billy." As I said those last words i slowly stepped out of the car and silently shut the door sorrowfully walking towards my house I turned to billy who sat staring ahead a mixed expression plastered on his face, one that I could read. I slowly walked inside and shut a door on the love of my sad pathetic life.