I'm afraid of loosing control. When I was younger the control of most things got taken away from me. If I can't control what I do, say or feel then I usually mess up. I don't want that to happen ever again.
When I was between 10 and 13 years old I often got bullied. Those bullies took away my control and made me believe what they said. It's like brainwashing.
Brainwashing is a concept of so-called psychological manipulation. Tactics of mental reprogramming attack the self-confidence and judgment of the target person.
They told me that I'm ugly, not good enough, wrong, too thin and tall and all this stuff. It may not seem as awful as what others maybe get to hear but it still hurt me. I listened to them for about two years.
I'm like a glass of water. You can fill it to the brim but one day it will be full. Even one drop of water can make it overflow. That's when I get overwhelmed and start to cry. You can say sorry but it won't fix me. You can fill the glass again and again but I'll get even more hurt. They won't notice anything.
Now it has become a trauma. I'm afraid of being judged or doing something wrong. I hate making mistakes, although you should actually learn from them. I always suffer from being criticised (especially at school) and having to live in this fear because this of this damage that has been done to me.
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Therapy
Ngẫu nhiênA self-help journey. [based on my life] I have many mental illnesses. It's like a buffet of mental disorders and I took a little bit of everything. It's hard to diagnose anything. If you struggle with anything, please talk to a person you trust and...
