change of pace

think

chapter twenty five

I barely got any sleep last night. At around 5:30AM, I decided to go take shower and rinse off the tears from yesterday. I cried all night. My sloppy steps stumbled back into my room to find something to wear to school. An overwhelming feeling made it difficult to find anything so I decided just to wear a baggy gray sweater and black sweatpants. I pulled my unbrushed hair into a tight ponytail to keep out of my face.

The sun was slowly coming up and I realized Eddie was going to pick me up. I had no interest in seeing him, so I quickly ate some food and headed out the door to begin my walk. A paper was left on the kitchen counter explaining to Dad that I would be walking home and wouldn't be home as early.

My baggy clothes masked the cold wind hitting against me on my way to school. That walk was as relaxing as I remembered. Something about the cold morning air really allowed me to think, and I did have a lot to think about.

Students were just rolling into the parking lot by the time that I got there. I walked over to my locker and shoved in the notebooks I didn't need before heading to my class. I sat next to the door giving the teacher wasn't there yet.

"Where's your boyfriend?" I heard from above me. It was Robbie.
"Oh, um..."
"Wait, are you okay?" he says kneeling down next to me noticing my puffy eyes.
"Yes, Robbie. We just...aren't really talking." I say. I'm the one not talking to him. Eddie doesn't know that I know.
"Oh. I'm really sorry, Jess." he sits next to me.
"Its okay. Why are you here so early?"
"Zero period. I take a zero and a seventh period. I want it to look good on my college application." Robbie says.
"That's a good idea. I could never do that." I chuckle. "I can't stand being in this fucking place."
"Yeah...You seemed to have enjoyed it at first. I mean, you were popular. Not to be creepy or anything, but everyone knew you."
"I know. Now I hate being called Jessica because of it. I wanted to rid myself of the past forever. Everyone talked to me, now they just talk about me."

Heeled footsteps came from down the hall. Robbie and I turned to see our teacher, Ms. Kerry walking towards her classroom.

"Oh, Jessica...you're early today." She says smiling at me.

We stand up and head towards our seats in the back. Robbie pulls out our project, which was nearing completion. More students made their way in. The final bell got closer to ringing and I turned my head towards to door noticing Eddie was looking at me confused in the doorway. I snapped my head down towards my project and heard as the bell rung and Ms. Kerry made her way over to shut the door, causing him to take off.

I was worried Eddie had ditched his classes to find me so I raced to my next classes as quickly as possible. By the time fourth period came around, I decided to ditch and go out and hide towards the field. My hands shoved inside of the sleeves of the baggy sweater to head off back towards the woods. Tears streamed down again thinking about Eddie and that girl. The only two cheerleaders I knew was Cathy, that bitch from my class, and Chrissy, the prissy head cheerleader who always announces shit in the middle of lunch. Cathy hates Eddie so I know it wasn't her, and Chrissy is with Jason. So who the fuck was he with and why? I sat down against a tree and pulled out my camera. I snapped a photo of the lunch table. Once it developed, I looked at it and sighed. Maybe this was what the dream meant all along. It was trying to warn me.

I heard the bell ring, signaling the students to go to lunch. My stomach was churning still so I decided to sit out here and think some more. Once the bell rang, I headed quickly towards my next class.

The end of school bell felt so relieving because I didn't have to worry about seeing Eddie anymore. I rushed to my locker to grab the notebooks I needed and heard as people mentioned his name as they walked past. It sounded like confusion of why he wasn't with me. Or maybe it was about him and his new preppy bitch. Regardless, I rushed my way out of there and speed walked to my house.

Dad tried to ask me why I was walking now and I lied and said something was wrong with Eddie's car. He seemed to believe it.

"Maybe you can drive my truck to school and back then. As long as you're back before I have to leave for work." he says sitting down to tie his boots.
"W-wait. Really?" I say excited. I didn't have my license, but both Mom and Dad gave me lessons right before she died.
"Sure, honey. Just promise to be safe. And don't put a dent in the poor girl." Dad says and I laugh.
"I promise I'll be careful."

Dad took off to work and I locked the door behind him. I headed into the kitchen to start making some dinner. A heavy knock came from door, practically slamming on it. I quietly walked towards the door to look through the window to see who it was without being noticed.

"Jessie, please open up." Eddie's voice says from behind the door. Fuck. I didn't think of this.
"Please, Jess, I just want to know what happened..." he sounds upset. I kept myself composed and ignored him. Eddie tried to yell through the door some more before eventually giving up and driving off. I broke down into tears once again.

Maybe I was too hard on him about the basketball thing. He felt pressured, and I shouldn't have been so aggressive on him. I'll talk to him tomorrow morning before class.