change of pace

disappear

chapter twenty six

Every year, after the first pep rally, all the popular kids became much more obnoxious than usual. Parking Dad's truck was horrible because all the kids blocked almost every spot getting in.

"Sweet ride, Jessica. Does this mean you and the freak are done?" Bryan asks while standing next to his Charger with a few other girls. Bryan used to have a thing for me in Freshman year. We got drunk at a Halloween party and he confessed his love. Its weird to think that wasn't so long ago.
"Never anything good coming from you, huh?" I say slamming the door shut.
"Perhaps you'll like this. There's a party tonight. Jason's house." Bryan says flicking his sunglasses on. The first pep rally officially commences 'party time' practically every fucking weekend. "Maybe you can stop by, since the freak isn't on your ass anymore."
"Nice try, babe." I say walking away.
"What, Lawson? You used to be hot! Now look at you!" he says and I flip him off.

I felt a lot calmer today than yesterday. My plan was to stop Eddie during lunch time to talk to him, but I haven't caught him yet. Clumsy footsteps followed close behind me and I whipped my head around to find the nerdy cap wearing boy.

"Jessie, what the fuck is going on?" Dustin says, out of breath.
"What?" I ask confused.
"Eddie cancelled DnD tonight. Said something about he had a job to do or whatever. Jeff was telling me that Eddie has been trying to talk to you but you're avoiding him." he walks with me all the way to my locker.
"Listen, I shouldn't even be telling you this. I saw Eddie with some girl and I maaaaybe...might've...reacted a little rough. But I'm going to talk to him today." I say quickly shoving my books in.
"Oh shit. Okay. Well, let me know if it all turns okay. You two are fucking weird."
"Yeah, well, once you get a girlfriend, you'll start to understand."
"Actually, I do have a girlfriend. But with that attitude you won't get to hear about her." he says walking away.
"Because she's not real?" I joke.
"Because I have class!" he yells turning his foot and walking away again.

I laugh watching him walk down the hall. Whispers started flooding again mentioning mine and Eddie's name. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before heading towards my class. A very annoyingly familiar voice came from ahead but was blocked by a crowd of kids. I pushed through the way to find that same FUCKING bitch. And surprise, sur-fucking-prise...Eddie. Walking right fucking next to her. My jaw dropped to the ground and I felt my cheeks go warm. Tears started pouring down. A flip of curly brown hair turned my direction and his big eyes looked straight at my swollen ones.

"Jess!" he called out and I took off running towards the doors.
"Jessie, stop! Slow the fuck down!" he says angrily.
"No!" I yell at him running out towards the parking lot.
"Please just talk to me, Jess!" he whines and I slam my car door shut to quickly reverse out of the parking lot.
"We're done, Eddie." I say driving off. My eyes flooded tears down my neck as I looked out the mirror and saw a very sad long haired boy standing in the middle of the parking lot watching me drive off.

I wish I could just drive this fucking car into a ditch. Or go to the lake and swim until I my body gives up. Or disappear like everyone else in this fucking town.

My mind was bringing me so many places at once that I didn't even realize I was driving towards the town. All I needed was somewhere quiet to think. Somewhere that I wouldn't have to deal with being interrupted. The truck found itself in the parking lot of the mall. It was destroyed. People had come to graffiti all over the walls of Starcourt that hadn't collapsed. I got out and sat down at a bench in front. Loose caution tape blew nearby having fallen off.

If it really was a misunderstanding, he wouldn't have been walking into school with her. Like we used to do. We would hold each other's hands and he would examine me as I put things away in my locker. It was like a routine. Maybe be got tired of the routine. Maybe he got tired of me...

He needed something more in his life, which is why Eddie went with her. He wanted more excitement. I need some more excitement. There used to be constant excitement and now I just sit and wallow over my mother's death looking for the answers. Maybe I'm the reason.

Bryan was right. I was hot. People loved me. I was likable and popular. I was loved.

Pep party was the answer. Its never too late to go back to your roots. I'm going go that party.