Other Worlds - The Wilds

Chapter 32

Hell0!! Same old trigger warnings. They are all at the start of the book if you need a little recap. Lots of love!

Usually when Toni was waiting on the corner of the street for Shelby instead of in the warm comfort of a home, she considered what this situation might have looked like if she were the same person simply plucked out of this life and placed in another. One where her parents would follow her through the door and her dad would shout, "don't do anything I wouldn't do!" only for her mother to whack his shoulder and playfully push him inside the house, but not before yelling out to Shelby something corny but sincere like, "drive safely that's precious merchandise you are transporting." A world where Toni would cringe at the affection and run out, embarrassed, without saying "love you" because love wouldn't be a reassurance just a feeling that flowed through the family quietly and effortlessly.

Reality was cruel.

Reality was standing in the cold on the curb a few yards away from a home, no, house, where joy and love is stifled by the simple act of crossing the threshold, and trying to understand why one particular memory was somehow so much more unbearable than the rest that her brain decided she needed to be protected by it.

Toni didn't know how long she waited for Shelby. At the time she would have waited hours just so that she didn't have to be at home, no matter how cold it was. She found the cold helpful, actually. It brought her back into her body a bit more. She wasn't sure if that was healthy or not, but it was certainty more healthy than where her head was at before.

Her mind raced. She remembered entering foster care. It was nearly 10 years ago, not 7. She remembered the day well; so did Martha and Bernice. The only explanation was that she actually did achieve reintegration and returned home to her mother once before. At least once before; she had no way to know that this was the only memory that had been under lock and key in her mind. Her mother had actually managed to get well enough to care for her.

The realisation was bittersweet, because while it was reassuring to know that her mother tried, it also showed that her existence in her mother's life was directly harmful to her mother's sobriety. The only times where her mother was sober, was when Toni wasn't there.

She knew it was selfish, or petty, or simply resentful, but Toni couldn't bring herself to consider that her mother was probably doing well now, let alone feel happy about it.

Shelby arrived as Toni was picking at the threads in her ripped jeans, She didn't even notice that Shelby had pulled up until she sat down on the curb beside her.

Any other day, Toni would have noticed and enjoyed the fact that Shelby was all dolled up with make-up fit for a celebrity instagram post and silky curled hair. Her clothes were normal though; Toni would have appreciated that too.

She realised that Shelby was talking and tried to pretend that she had been listening all along.

"- whatever you want, okay? I can drive you somewhere, are you sure you don't want to go to Martha's?"

Toni was struck with the realisation that Martha probably knew that she returned to her mother's house at some point. Or at least Bernice definitely would have known.

She tried to stop it but the anger built faster than her ability to think clearly. "Shelby, stop. I don't want to fucking go to Martha's okay?" Her breath came out shaky and rattled, punctuating the final word with almost a growl.

Shelby didn't respond, although Toni could see the hurt flash through her eyes. It didn't hit her until later that the hurt wasn't for herself but was an empathetic response to Toni.