i just wanna tell you

?¿

I should be happy now but I'm not. I got a car 2 jobs and still yet I'm not happy. What's wrong with me. I can't just be happy like others. I have no real connection with nobody. Everyone got each other so strong it's like I don't fit. I'm the weakest link of a chain that doesn't even fit me . Walking in a void. Black. Dark. Cold. But still not feeling anything but one single wet tear drop. Still having the bright loving smile that everyone enjoys. Them not know the dark scary monster that lives within. Suppressed and festering. Growing in control more and more as every night passes. But some day you be looking so bright and fulled with joy. What be going on in your head these days. The memories of the words the one gave to me. The one that doesn't even remember me. Doesn't even think I exist.  They don't even remember the words they told me to help me keep going. So even then the monster still fester gets mad at the fake happiness. The fake serotonin the weed gives helps the most but it comes back still. It won't go away. And I'm honestly scared for it to leave. Who would I be with out them. Who would have my back with them. Who would love me with out them. Just stuck in confusion loop. 🤷🏾‍♂️