i just wanna tell you

Honest

This one might hurt a lot of you but it's the truth. As much as y'all tell me you love me, you matter, and your special. It has no value towards me.  You all have made this deep connect with what you thought has been deep connections but it's surface level tbh. I'm still longing for this one person. Miguel. I don't want you to compare or make y'all feel like I'm comparing cause y'all are different people but it's just the way he made me feel I don't think I can ever feel like that again. No matter who or what. Y'all have showered me with gifts . He never did that. Y'all give me weed. And y'all care about me. But I still don't feel any of it. And I hate myself for it. I hate my self a lot. I  hate the way I act and think. This cycle of waking up hating everything I do ignoring myself my body my own thoughts or feelings to live for others just to keep disappointing them or not meeting their expectations of me or being forgotten. I just wanna wipe everyone memories of me so it'll be easier for me to take myself out. It wouldn't really change much. Everyone got each other. Jess got kait. Kait got Noah rob got Daniel everyone got Simone to cope with . Keep going do you goals and dreams. Complete the things you wanted to do with life. Just forget I existed and continue going just like you planned too just not with me in the picture.