Falling Slowly (A Hogwarts Lovestory) - Fred Weasley Fanfiction

22 | I Wanna Live on a Mountain

One last glance out of the window, one last chord on the Ukulele, one last thing packed into my trunk and my fourth year at Hogwarts was over.
I stuffed my song diary in my bag and closed the door to the dormitory. I wished I could stay here.

While I walked down to the train station in Hogsmeade with my friends, I thought about how different the last years have been. Life wasn't simple anymore. And I wasn't a light-hearted child anymore.
I remembered when I first walked through the halls of the castle and everything has appeared golden and shiny and overwhelming. It was still golden and shiny and overwhelming but all that has slid into the background of other problems I had to face now. I was growing up. I was almost an adult now. With adult problems. And I had to figure out who this adult person was and not just on the emotional side. I had to figure out who I was.

We finally arrived at the station in Hogsmeade. I said goodbye to Hagrid and Fang who had both accompanied us students and Hagrid burst into tears so he had do blew his nose with a handkerchief the size of a large blanket. I gasped for air after Hagrid's hugged me a little too strong. "Bye Julie", he sniffled full of tears. "Gonna miss yeh, hope yeh know that. Perhaps I'm gonna visit yeh if yeh like? Dumbledore told me yeh staying at the Leaky Cauldron." Hagrid smiled his brightest giant smile at me.
"It would be a pleasure, Hagrid. Goodbye!" I said and waved at him as I was about to enter the train. Hagrid waved back and turned away to say goodbye to Harry, Ron and Hermione.
I couldn't see my friends anywhere, they had probably already taken a compartement while I was talking to Hagrid. Great, now I had to search for them in the train that was almost full. I tried to lift my trunk onto the train but I failed just as I did when I tried exactly the same in King's Cross at the beginning of this school year.

"Need a hand?", someone offered gently and when I turned around I looked in Rogers friendly face. I was having a deja vu.
"Thank you so much", I said when Roger lifted my heavy trunk onto the train. He had a harder time getting it onto the luggage rack this time.
"Blimey, Julie", he groaned. "What did you pack in your trunk? Bricks? The whole school library? I don't remember this being so heavy the last time."
I turned red. "Eh, I'm so sorry. Must have packed slightly too many books for... homework", I answered timidly. Roger laughed.
"I don't remember you being that ambitious about your homework either."
"Well, people change."
"True. However, I gotta go now. Penelope's keeping me a seat in her compartement. I reckon you'll be sitting with the Weasley twins? Oh and by the way, is Fred your boyfriend at last or do you plan not to admit your feelings towards him for another year?" Roger winked.
I was perplex and didn't say anything but Roger obviously didn't expect an honest answer because he turned around and left into a compartement in the back of the train.

Why was everyone pressuring me with that? Angelina and Alicia had tried to talk me into confessing my feelings to him too this morning. What if I didn't want to? I didn't know why I was so afraid of it. I knew he liked me too, he made that perfectly clear when he visited me in the hospital wing. And when he punched Malfoy. So maybe it was true and we could really be something. I just wasn't so sure if we could be something good. My feelings for Fred almost destroyed our friendship completely this year.
I had to make a decision. Did I want Fred Weasley as my boyfriend and risk to lose him in case it didn't work out? Or did I rather want him in my life just as a friend but with a higher probability that he'll stay a part of my life forever?
I was bad at decision making. And so, the only decision I made was to postpone this decision.

I walked down the train searching for my friends in any of the compartments but I didn't find them, so I entered the first door with familiar faces behind it.
"Come in, Julie!", said Hermione kindly and offered me the seat next to hers and I gladly took it.
"I am so excited for summer", said Hermione. "My parents are going to take me to Paris for two weeks and afterwards they promised to come with me to Diagon Alley and buy me a cat so I won't be the only one without a pet at Hogwarts. What do you say, do you all want to meet up there?"
"I'd love to", said Harry. "As soon as possible. I can't stand the Dursley's all summer."
"I don't know when we'll be back from Egypt", said Ron. "But if we're back in Britain by then I will come!"
"I'm at the Leaky Cauldron all summer anyway", I said. "So I'm definitely in."
"Wait", said Ron. "You're staying at the Leaky Cauldron? Why did Fred try so hard to convince my parents to take you with us to Egypt then? He sounded as if they'd drop you off at some orphanage if we wouldn't take you."
"He did what?", I asked surprised. I couldn't believe it.
"He wanted you to come with us, didn't he tell you? I thought you knew."
"I didn't."
"Weird. I thought you are best friends with my brothers, why wouldn't you talk to him about that?"
"Because", said Hermione annoyed. "They aren't just friends. Right, Julie?"
I didn't say anything.
"What do you mea- oh, eww, gross", said Ron disgusted as if love was the most horrible thing in the world.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, shut up, Ronald. What do you know about love anyway?", she glanced angrily at Ron.
"Listen, Julie. Do you remember what happened at this very train on our way to school a year ago? You wanted to tell him you liked him but something's gotten in your way. Or, more precisely, someone. But the circumstances changed, didn't they? And your feelings are still the same, I can tell that by the look on your face. Yes, exactly, that's the expression I was talking about. So don't lie to me anymore. And to you. And to him. Stand up and tell Fred how you feel!"
"Jeez, Hermione", I mumbled. "When did you get so bossy? But okay, I will do as you say. Wish me luck!"

This was the second deja vu this day. Hopefully it wouldn't end the same way.
I found Fred at the front of the train sitting with George, Angelina and Katie in a compartment and eating a box of Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans. When the door slid open, Angelina could tell what I was about to do by the look on my face just as Hermione did a minute ago.
"C'mon, Katie, George - let's search for Lee, he wanted to show us something he found in the forbidden forest", she said winking at me and the three of them left the compartment.

It was just Fred and me now.
"What's up, Daniels?", Fred smirked. How could he be so handsome?
"I'm staying at the Leaky Cauldron this summer. Dumbledore offered me a room there."
"Oh, that's great", smiled Fred. "I was already worried."
"Don't be. You can come visit me when you're back from Egypt. Just wanted to tell you that."
Fred grinned. "Is that all you wanted to tell me?"
I took a deep breath and gathered all my courage, opened my mouth and -
"I like you", said Fred before I could even say anything. "I mean, we're friends, of course, but I like you more than a friend. You're the one girl that's stuck in my head since we first talk to each other. I can't stop thinking about you. About us."
I didn't expect that. I was supposed to tell him how I felt, him coming clear before I could say anything ruined my whole plan.
"Fred...", I began and sat down next to him. He took my hand.
"Yes?"
"I like you too. And I'm not stupid, there is obviously more between us than just friends."
"Well", he came a little closer and smirked. "That's good news, isn't it?"
I couldn't say anything. Fred's hazel eyes were just an inch away and I was afraid my lips would touch his if I opened my mouth. I moved a step back.
"Yes. And no. I don't know."
"You don't know if this is good news?", Fred asked sceptically and I nodded.
"You have to understand", I said desperately. What I was about to do was the opposite of what I wanted to do, of what my heart longed to do. Every cell of my body wanted to kiss him right now. But I had to do the right thing.
"You mean so much to me, Fred", I whispered and my eyes filled with tears. "I don't want to risk losing you. Can't you see how bad we've been for each other this year?"
Fred frowned.
"You're scared", he concluded.
"Yes, I am. And I don't want to lose you."
"You won't lose me."
"I will if this doesn't work out."
"You won't."
"How can you be sure? I almost did this year. That feeling when I thought you'd never speak to me again... that was the worst thing I felt in my life. I won't risk that ever again. I lost my brother last year. I can't stand losing someone again. I'm not strong enough."
Both of us didn't say anything for a moment and I could feel how disappointed he was.
"So", he said slowly. "You don't want to start anything with me. You want us to stay where we are. Friends. Nothing more."
No, I thought, I want to kiss you and I want to be with you.
"Yes", I said instead.
"Okay", he sighed. "Fine. Friends, then. At least for now", he added and winked at me.
"You won't change my mind about that, Fred", I said. "I'm sorry."
"In that case", he smirked. "There's nothing more to lose, isn't there?"
And then he kissed me. Hesitantly at first; he wanted to see if I kissed him back. And I did.
His hand lay on my waist and he pulled me softly closer to him, while his other hand grabbed my hair as he started to kiss me more passionately. His lips felt softer than I ever imagined and it felt like my skin was glowing anywhere he touched it. There was something exploding inside me. It felt like a million butterflies made their way through my guts up into my arms and my lips. I was burning.
I can't remember how long the kiss lasted, but it wasn't long enough. When his lips released from mine and his beautiful brown eyes pulled back, all I wanted to do was to feel him again. But I knew that it wasn't right.

We had obviously reached our destination because the train suddenly stopped and I could tell by a look out of the window that we arrived in King's Cross.
Fred stood up and reached for the doorknob. Just before he opened the door, he turned around and grinned.
"I don't think we're done yet, Julie. I hope you have a great summer, though. I see you soon."
Then he was gone.
"You too", I mumbled, even if I knew he couldn't hear me. What was this guy doing to me?

Tom, the landlord of the Leaky Cauldron, waited for me at King's Cross. He somehow already got my luggage with him and I followed him outside the train station.
"You got a lot of things in there, miss", he sighed unter the heavy weight of my trunk. "You sure you need all this?"
I was sure. I had a lot of work to do this summer. Despite that thing with Fred, I had still other things to worry about. One of that things was my past. And I was determined to find out the truth. And hopefully, I had brought everything that would help me with that task in this trunk.

I remember the way I loved but I lost it
Staring back at me from the dark
keeping me honest
I wanna kiss you in my own way
If you want me to
- Camp Cope

TO BE CONTINUED...