Falling Slowly (A Hogwarts Lovestory) - Fred Weasley Fanfiction

31 | This Must be My Exit

The next couple of weeks passed without any noteworthy incident.
My friends were all trying not to pressure me with questions about the way my boggart had looked, but I knew they were talking about me behind my back.
Hermione and Ginny, who weren't even in my class so they weren't actually supposed to know about it, glanced pitiful at me from time to time and asked me suspiciously often to spend time with them.
Ron offered me to play with scabbers so I wouldn't be so lonely and Seamus Finnigan must have tried to bewitch some blades of grass into flowers to cheer me up, but unfortunately he accidentally burned them all so the entire common room smelled like burned grass for days.
Even Percy tried to cheer me up and offered me to use his notes on Divination for the exams, which I really didn't (the pile of notes he made was usually much more bigger than the actual book).
Nearly everyone was worried about me, which made me kind of happy on the one hand but on the other hand I didn't want to be a burden to everyone.
Yet I had to admit that it made me a little bit sad that Oliver didn't ask for me once. He was always the one friend that cared for me the most, even if I found that so annoying when we were going out that I broke up with him. Or maybe I was just trying to convince myself that that has been the reason I broke up with him because it was easier than to admit it was actually because I had fallen for Fred Weasley during my relationship with Oliver.
Anyway, what surprised me the most during my mourning time after the boggart incident was a message from my other ex boyfriend, Roger Davies. We had broken up a year after my breakup with Oliver, out of the same reason, one could say - because I had still been desperately and unrequited in love with Fred.
However, Roger handed me a small piece of parchment paper at breakfast one day, that was asking me when I was planning to return back to choir practice - something I had loved to attend last year but I hadn't participated the last weeks while I was too busy drowning in self-pity.
I smiled when I read the note, looked over to the Ravenclaw table, catched his eyes and formed the word "soon" with my lips. He understood and gave me a thumb up.

Hopefully he wouldn't be too disappointed if I didn't show up at choir practice as soon as I had just promised him. But I didn't know if I was ready yet. If I was ready yet to be that happy girl again that used to love to sing and to play the Ukulele. It felt like a lifetime ago when I had been her the last time.
Ever since I found out that there was something wrong with me, with my past, with my family, I felt like I was drifting further away from the person I thought I was. And now I kind of had the strong feeling like I had several personalities at once and I didn't know which one was the true me. I had to figure that out as soon as possible, but I didn't know how either.
I was left in the dark. I was drowning in fear. I was standing at the top of the highest mountain and I could fall down every minute. Or maybe I could jump?

There was only one person at this point whose presence didn't freak me out and made me question my entire existence. To my own suprise, that person was neither one if my friends nor Fred. It was Professor Lupin.
He had called me up into his classroom the day after the boggart incident and I was scared to death that he would now ask me questions about why the boggart had looked like myself.
But fortunately, he didn't. Instead, he was telling me in detail how he failed to conquer his own boggart for years and years. How the fear had paralyzed him everytime and how it still did sometimes these days.
He simply accepted the way my boggart was shaped without questioning and helped me to develope strategies to fight my fear when I was facing my biggest dread.
And it worked. I came to practice with Lupin nearly everyday after class except sundays (and one week where Lupin was ill and not able to teach).
There was something very special about this man, something you couldn't see until you look very closely. There was bravery hidden behind his shabby old cloak. And a big heart behind his brittle rips. And a great mind behind his messy hair. And lots of kindness floating through the veins that were running under his grey skin.
His appearance reminded me a bit of my foster father, which was probably why I felt so comfortable being with him, but it also made me a bit sad from time to time because I had started to think about my brother Ben more often.

One day, at the end of one of my practising sessions with Lupin, someone knocked at the door to his office.
"Are you awaiting a visitor, sir?", I asked him. "It's fine, I was just about to leave."
"No, no", Lupin smiled, but he looked tired. "I guess this is for you."
I looked at him questioningly.
"It's okay, Julie, you can go. We are finished for today. You make great progress with overcoming your fears, but now it's time for you to start enjoying your life again. Good night. Close the door behind you, would you?"

I opened the door sceptically and closed it behind me as I was told. Outside of Lupin's office, there was indeed someone waiting for me on the otherwise empty corridor.
It was Fred Weasley.
He was smirking from one ear to the other like nothing has changed the last weeks. Like I didn't had a nervous breakdown in front of everyone. Like I was still me.
"Are you ready, Daniels?", he asked.
"Ready for what?", I asked sceptically. I had planned on simply going to bed after Lupin's class without talking much to anyone, as I did the last couple of weeks.
Fred grinned. "You'll see." He reached for my hand. "Do you trust me?"
"No", I said resolutely. "I certainly don't."
But Fred wasn't offended, not even a little bit. Instead, he laughed.
"Doesn't matter anyway, because I am leaving you no choice. I talked to Oliver this morning and he agreed to leave you alone and give you time and space to think. So I decided that I am not. You're coming with me tonight."
"What if I don't want to?", I asked even if I knew that I would take his hand either way and go with him wherever he wanted.
"Oh, you want to. Maybe you don't know it yet, but I know you do. Because I know you."
"I don't even know myself, how come you do?", I muttered quietly but it was more a question to myself.
"Pardon?"
"Nothing, forget it. Let's get it over with, whatever it is you're planning to do."

I can't believe I thought I was safe
In my most crooked shape
Most vulnerable place
And all that time I was hangin' on your shelf
I was just running away from getting to know myself
- Oso Oso