Falling Slowly (A Hogwarts Lovestory) - Fred Weasley Fanfiction

30 | Don't Go Tonight

At least Dumbledore didn't punish me because of what I did to Snape, but actually there wasn't much left for him to do to make me feel more crappy. And to top it all off, I was now too late on my way to Defence Against the Dark Arts class with the new teacher, Professor Lupin.

I was not only late because I kept on yelling at Dumbledore for quite a while because he still wouldn't tell me everything I wanted to know, but on my way over to the classroom I also ran into Nearly Headless Nick. And by running into him, I actually meant running through him. It felt like I plunged into ice-cold water and I screamed loudly out of surprise.
"My apologies, Julie", Nearly Headless Nick said as I started trembling with cold.
"It's fine", I muttered quietly when suddenly an idea slipped my mind. "Ehh, Sir Nicholas?"
"Yes, my dear?", said Nearly Headless Nick.
"You've lived in this castle as a ghost for... how long exactly?"
"Since 1492", he answered proudly.
"So you've known almost every student that attended Hogwarts since then, don't you?"
"More or less. Why are you asking?"
"Sir Nicholas, I have to ask you... did you know Sienna Black?"
Nearly Headless Nick inspected me sceptically.
"Sienna... yes, I remember her. She was trying her best to ban us ghosts from nearly all privileges we had at Hogwarts. Said, we weren't worth to sit at the same tables as the students because we weren't alive anymore. I honestly hated that girl."
"I understand", I muttered dejectedly.
"I have to admit, Julie, when I first saw you, I was scared you'd be just like her. But you don't want me to sit seperate from you, do you?"
"No, I don't... bye, Nick."
I was too distraught to talk any further, so I went on to classroom 3C in the third floor, where Professor Lupin was probably awaiting me with another detention.

I opened the door to the classroom as quietly as possible, mumbled a quick apology to Professor Lupin (he was kind enough not to give me any detention for being late or even to take some points from Gryffindor) and hurried to my seat. But I didn't sit down long. Instead, Professor Lupin made us all stand up, push the tables aside and gather in the middle of the classroom in front of a large wardrobe.
Didn't Percy say something about a wardrobe being part of a rather interesting DADA lesson? I calmed down a little and watched the wardrobe curiously. Maybe this lesson wouldn't be so bad.
But once again, I couldn't have been more wrong.

The wooden wardrobe was rattleing loudly and there were undefinable noises coming out of it.
"So", said Professor Lupin and the whole class got quiet, even the Weasley twins. "Does anybody already know what's inside this closet?"
The class remained quiet and everbody was exitedly looking up to the closet.
"It's a boggart, isn't it?", asked Katie Bell. She sounded frightened.
I remember to have read about boggarts somewhere but I seemed to have forgotten all I learned about them.
"Excellent, Miss Bell. Five points for Gryffindor. Can anyone tell me how a boggart looks?", Lupin asked around, but nobody answered. "Miss Bell?"
"Nobody knows, sir. A boggart is a shape-shifting non-being that takes on the form of it's observer's worst fear."
I was quite impressed, Katie was gathering more and more self-confidence over the years. It wasn't long ago when she barely spoke in any of the classes. Well, at least one of us was developing into the right direction.
"Exactly", said Lupin and granted Gryffindor another five well deserved points. "So the boggart sitting in the darkness within this old closet has not yet assumed a form. He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door. Nobody knows what a boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears."
Oh no. He wasn't trying to let that thing out, was he? I carefully tried to hide in the back of the classroom behind all my classmates without being observed. Hopefully there wasn't enough time for all the students to face the boggart so I wouldn't have to do it. I didn't want everybody to see my worst fear (even if I wasn't so sure right know what my boggart would look like exactly) but I didn't want to be so vulnerable in front of everyone.
Yet I couldn't leave it and surreptitiously gazed over to where Fred was standing. He didn't seem to notice me at all and was looking quite excited to facing the boggart in fact. I wondered what Fred was fearing most. Commitment, probably.

Fred and George's boggart appeared as Lord Voldemort, just as nearly everybody elses. Funnily enough, the Voldemort-shaped boggart looked quite different with every student, because everyone was picturing him differently.
Katie's boggart surprised me the most, because it was so pure and simple compared to all the Voldemorts. It was a giant wasp nest. A simple fear that appeared to me much more natural and real than the fear of a dead wizard without nostrils or hair.
"Riddikulus!", yelled Katie with trembling voice and the giant wasp nest suddenly turned into a pink pinata full of confetti. The whole class laughed, including Lupin himself.
"Brilliant", Lupin applauded. "So... Miss Daniels, you're next!"

I needed a minute to gather my courage before I slowly walked up front. Everybody was watching me and Lupin gazed at me encouragingly before I took Katies place in front of the pink pinata.
For a short moment, nothing happened. The pinata stayed where it was and swung slowly back and forth. Until there wasn't a pinata anymore.
Right there, in front of me, stood a mirror.
A large, golden framed mirror. I was looking at myself. The mirror-me was wearing the same green sweater under her Hogwarts uniform, had the same honey blond hair tied together in a messy bun and, as I stepped back, made the same movement as I did.
And yet the mirror-me wasn't having the same facial expression as I did. My face was probably pale as a ghost from fear and horror, but not the mirror-me. The mirror-me was smirking viciously. It didn't show the slightest sign of kindness. Or genialty. Or tenderness. Or affability. Not even a little bit.
It seemed like the more anxious I got, the more evil was my reflection grinning at me.
I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I tried to remember the spell that would let this horror come to an end, but I couldn't think either.
Suddenly, I felt someone gently pushing me aside, away from the mirror and I watched it turn into one of the Voldemorts again.
"Riddikulus!", a voice said beside me and the Voldemort boggart turned into a bobblehead. Everybody laughed and, to my relief, Professor Lupin declared the class ended.

I was still shivering when someone touched my arm.
"Everything okay?", asked Fred. It was him who had saved me so bravely from the boggart.
I shook my head.
"C'mon, I will escort you back to the Great Hall. You should eat something."
"I'm not hungry", I mumbled but I let him help me walk outside the classroom, since my legs were still weak, and we walked silently next to each other up to Gryffindor Tower.

Back in the common room, Fred asked if I wanted to hang with him at the fireplace. George and Lee weren't around, they were probably having dinner at the Great Hall along with all the other Gryffindor students.
He hasn't been that kind to me ever since we were back at Hogwarts and I honestly appreciated it a lot that he was trying to comfort me. It meant so much to me to know that after all we could still be friends.
But it was funny though, on the one hand I wanted to spend time with Fred alone so badly but on the other hand I knew that my decision not to start something with him again was for the best, particularly with everything going on with me again. And tonight wouldn't be about hanging around with friends but about to think about my past and future.
I decided to tell him that.
"I'm sorry, Fred, but I think I'm going upstairs to my dorm. I have a lot to think about right know."
"Are you sure?", he asked. He looked worried. "I mean, I accept your decision if you really rather want to be alone right know. It's just... sometimes a nice evening with friends has better healing powers than anything else."
"I will try to keep that in mind", I said and forced myself into a smile. "Good night, Fred."
"Good night, Julie."

I know I may have ruined the chance of us getting back together that night but I certainly didn't feel like I could deal with my feelings towards him in the poor mental condition I found myself in right now. I just had to hope that there would be another moment coming, hopefully some day that I wouldn't feel like a pile of filthy wreckage.

I don't know if I'm good
And everyone knows it
You ever feel you were meant to be alone?
Because I saw a play and and a character said
That he was destined to never feel at home
- Polar Bear Club