i just wanna get lost with you - ronance

chapter 2

Nancy knows they're heading east. Yeah, their path is mainly determined by where they think they may be able to find supplies but it's always east, east, east. She doesn't ask why, it doesn't matter. She was walking for days on end with little aim before she met Robin so they could drive so far east that they end up in the ocean so east is good.

She trusts Robin.

She has too. It's been a rough half a year after losing her group. She just hopes they're all okay.

She looks over at Robin now, hands tapping a song she can't put her finger on, face halved by the shadow of the visor and the golden setting sun. She trusts Robin. That should make her feel uneasy but instead the idea settles comfortable and warm in the bottom of her stomach. Maybe it's because she knows that the other girl wouldn't risk her life for Nancy, because she would be able to keep going if she were to die. It's a nice feeling.

Nightfall means sleep. Headlights attract too much attention and there's no point in driving blindly through the darkness. Robin always lets her sleep in the backseat, despite it clearly being set up for Robin. She sleeps in the frontseat so she doesn't think it's that bad of a compromise.

"Goodnight," she calls in her low, raspy voice.

"night."

They fall asleep to the sound of each other's breathing.

*****

"Good job, Robin." Her chest is rising and falling rapidly and she can barely get enough air in to spit out the words. This was supposed to be an easy raid but the countless bodies scattered across the grimy floor prove that it was anything but. Their eyes connect over their kills and she can tell the other girl is just as wrecked as her.

"Buckley"

"What did you just call me?"

"oh it my last name. Buckley."

"Oh."

"its just that was a close call so I'd prefer you to know my full name in case next time we don't make it out obviously you don't have to bury me I guess but it would be nice, okay sorry that's a bit morbid, no let me start again. Robin Lynn Buckley that's what I want written"

"oh okay." that's all Nancy says because what else could someone say?

She watches as Robin crouches down to a body in front of her and disentangles a blade from the corpse's fingers. Buckley. Huh. Suits her.

*****

Nancy has slowly been teaching to other girl to drive, sure she won't get her license but eh no one really cares as long as she doesn't crash and they can still find gas all's good for now.

"Buckley!"

"Fuck, what?!" Robin can't ignore how much she likes her last name on Nancy's lips as her outburst nearly caused the younger girls heart to fucking crash.

"Go back."

Robin throws a rough U-turn and feels satisfied when Nancy slams against her door. What - she scared the shit out of Robin. Robin sees what she was so damn excited about after a few seconds. It's an old crappy-looking truck stop and she hesitates before pulling into its driveway.

"I just want a real bed for once. Oh, shit! Do you reckon it'll have a shower? A working one?"

Robin counts the look in Nancy's eye's as a win.

She gives in and pulls into the driveway. She could mention that it's her long legs that were getting cramped and she had given Nancy the best sleeping spot but she finds she doesn't really care. The rotting wooden door of room 18B is easy to kick through and they make their way in. There's a faint stale smell but other than that the room's in fair condition.

"this ones mine!" calls Nancy, moving towards the bed closest to the window.

"Yeah, whatever."

She soon forgets about the bed anyway, rushing for the bathroom. Seconds later the sound of rushing water meets her ears. So Nancy found a place with running water. Huh.

"It's kinda mouldy in here but the shower works!" her voice echoes over the water. The sounds from the bathroom are muffled as she shuts the door behind her.

When Nancy sees her reflection it's... unpleasant. After Mike was gone she had chopped off the majority of her hair and it had grown back uneven, hanging unkempt at her shoulders. Her face is a roadmap of cuts, blood and scars. When she strips off her clothes they tug painfully on her cuts, held tight by dried blood.

She steps into the shower and the water feels as if it is shedding a layer of her skin. Red and brown dance and swirl down the drain. She closes her eyes and allows herself to feel everything she's been bottling up inside. Exhaustion - a constant companion that hangs from her limbs. Loss - the tears that sit behind her eyelids, ready for any moment of weakness. Fear - something that sits at the pit of her stomach that she tries to shove down, down, down.

Down the drain. Down with the red and the brown and maybe some tears if she's being honest. She scrubs her skin with her hands, with the small flannel on the side of one of the showers, cleans under her nails washes away all the blood, it doesn't get rid of it not really but she tried because if she doesn't then what's the point. She used to be so pristine, so we'll put together. Not anymore she thinks.
When she sees her reflection again it's not particularly pretty but it's more her. Her hair isn't matted with blood and dirt, her hair slightly wavy now that it had been replenished with water. She attempts a smile. It looks awkward and a little creepy so she promises herself not to try that again anytime soon; she was never much of a smiler anyway. She had soaked her clothes and now they hang dripping over the towel rail so she wraps herself in a old discarded towel before heading back out.

"Shower's all yours."

"Thanks."

She gets quickly into bed when she hears Robin shut the bathroom door. When she's wrapped in the stiff, off-white sheets of her bed (her window-side bed) she hears the shower turn on again and falls asleep to sound of water against tile.

*****

Robin hears Nancy crying that night. Sleeping was almost impossible for the taller girl to find with the heavy quiet of the room - an eerie presence. All quiet is shattered as a sob scratches its way out of her throat from across the room. She never shows any weakness in front of Robin so Robin stills beneath her sheets, unsure of what to do.

"Nance?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She's asleep. She starts gasping for air and Robin quickly makes her way across the room.

"Nance," she whispers gripping her shoulders. "Nancy, wake up. It's just a dream."

Her eyes snap open and she reaches out to dig her nails into Robins forearms. "I had to." Robin starts for a moment before realising her wild eyes are unfocussed and the blonde shakes her shoulders firmly.

"Nancy!"

She finally comes to with a shock, frantically looking around the room.

"Deep breaths. You're okay," she reminds her. They breathe together for several moments and Robin watches as the steel creeps back into her eyes.

"Thank you," she says in a firm voice. She takes this as her cue to go back to bed.

"You're welcome, Princess."

Robin doesn't ask what Nancy was apologising for just like Nancy doesn't ask what's in the east. Robin knows better than to try and dig through Nancy's demons. Hell, she'd be fucked if the other girl tried to do it to her. Some things are better kept secret, and the ghosts that haunt her skull are such things.

The next morning they dress and, slightly cleaner and well rested, head out onto the road again. They fall into an effortless pattern, as the miles of road stretch before them, the horizon's edges trembling in the heat.

It goes on.