Hide It {Zoella}

Could I?

I'd been thinking about it all day since then, it just hit me like a shock and I couldn't believe I'd never thought about it before.

Everything that's ever been said about me in the papers, everything written on magazines, my children... Sounds weird... Will all be subjected to that.

The viewers, they'll all want to see them. When we're out, they'll possibly want to touch them, like they're some kind of exhibit in a museum.

But they're not an exhibit. They're not a thing people can take pictures of and criticise, they'll be my children and it's mine and Alfie's job to protect them.

I can't protect them if I carry on doing what I'm doing. They'll be completely open to everything. I'm not sure if I could do it.

Or if I could, how would I have the time? I'm going to suffer through sleepless nights and days and be constantly up and out, I won't have time to film. And even if I do, how will I have the time to edit it, I'll fall asleep on the sofa after they've gone to bed!

But then, I don't want to quit doing what I do because I love it and I can't stop Alfie doing that either. I don't want to let anyone down. It's to confusing.

"Zoe..." My thoughts were interrupted by Alfie lightly tapping me on the shoulder.

"Mhmm?" I responded, my head still not in the right place.

"I was asking if you wanted any good but that doesn't matter now, are you okay?" Alfie asked, sitting next to me on the sofa.

"Yeah, I guess, just thinking," I sighed, scratching my head. "Food sounds great, but can we just have something light?"

"I was just going to give you a bowl of mash potato to be honest," Alfie laughed. I nodded, happily as he got up to go to the kitchen.

"Alfie," I sighed, just as he reached the door.

"Little one?" Alfie asked.

My stomach felt like a thousand butterflies, my heart still melts when he says it, it never gets old.

"Do you think we'll, you know, do good? I just, can't think how we can do what we're doing and raise them," I mumbled, he tilted his head and sighed.

"Is that what's been wrong? You've been over thinking to much?" I nodded and Alfie chucked.

"Not gonna lie, I was to but I then I thought you know maybe we'll be a bit higgildy pigglidy for a while but anybody would be, any job you would be, that's why you get maternity," He sighed, I nodded and hugged him.

"I think it's gonna be harder than we think though," I mumbled into Alfie's chest.

"Even if it is, we'll get through it together, I love you so much Zoe," Alfie smiled, kissing my forehead.

"I love you too," I murmured and then my stomach groaned. "But I'm sure me and these two would love you so much more if you made us some mash potato."

Alfie chuckled and walked to the kitchen. This parenting things gonna be real hard.