TALES OF AGONY

006

AM I UGLY?

When I was seven, I always ask my dad "Am I beautiful?" and his constant answer was "Yes Alaiza, because you look like your mother." and that's what makes me happy.

But everything changed when my mom left us for another man. Every time my father sees me, he gets mad at me for no apparent reason.Even though I am afraid of him I still hope that he's still the dad I used to know and love dearly. So I asked him with the same question but my world crumbled at his answer, because his answer was "You're not, because you look like your mother."

And that was our last conversation, because that day....he left me. He committed suicide. My dad left me, because he was tired of seeing my face. And now, my biggest fear is that people around me will leave me because of my appearance. Am i really ugly?

I woke up when I felt the heat of the sunlight on my cheek so I slowly opened my eyes. My head hurts and I don’t remember anything in the past I did, as if I was sleeping for a few days or months.

When I came out of the room I saw my mother-in-law praying and she turned to me. She's a spiritualist so I always see her praying every time I wake up, but in the one year that Shawn and I have been married, I've never experienced his mother treating me well. Every time I talk to her, she ignores me sometimes glaring at me, it's as if she doesn't accept me as her daughter-in-law or maybe there's something wrong with my appearance. Am I ugly?

I coughed to prepare my voice, "Where's Shawn?" I asked.

"He's already at work," she answered me in a cold tone.

"Oum... I'm sorry. I didn't prepare him food," I said shyly.

"Pshh," she said in a disgusted tone and left.
—————

Shawn gets dressed while I face the mirror and comb my hair. I was shocked when I saw a bruise on my shoulder, I don't remember what happened or where I got it. But with that simple bruise, my beauty seemed to diminish.

"Shawn, am I ugly?" I asked.

Because of my question he stared at me. "You're not, because I love you," he replied, he touched my cheek and smiled bitterly.
—————

Our relationship went well until Shawn always came home at night and sometimes he never came home.

Now he has gone home but he seems tired. So because of my sadness I went to the other room. But I was shocked by what I saw. I sat on the floor, my knees lost strength, my sweat grew cold and my heartbeat quickened as if it wanted to escape my chest.

Because I saw Shawn's sister....his sister committed suicide, four years ago. She was wearing a white dress, her corners of her eyes were dark and she was pale with a scar on her cut neck. Because of my fear I screamed and Shawn immediately came up to me, to hug me.

"I-i s-saw your s-sister!!!" I screamed while I pointed at his sister.

"Shh..you don't see anything, just calm down I'm here," he whispered and he hugged me tightly.
—————

Since that happened, Shawn has grown colder to me. When I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyebugs were turning black and I seemed to be lacking in blood because I was pale.

It was late but Shawn hadn't come home yet so I decided to go outside to wait for him there. But my world collapsed at what I saw. Is this what I'm afraid of? That Shawn will leave me too because of my
appearance...am I really ugly?

I held my hand trembling while I looked at him with his beautiful woman. If you look at the woman she's so beautiful and Shawn looks happier to be with her than me. I held back my tears when I saw him kiss the woman on the lips. He cheated on me...is it because of my appearance?
—————

While he was getting dressed, I asked him. "Shawn, am I ugly?"

"You asked me again, afc—" but before he could complete his words i preceded him to speak.

"You lied.." my voice cracked when my tears began to form in my eyes.

"W-what do you mean?" he asked in astonishment.

"I saw you kissing another woman, Shawn," I sobbed and punched his chest.

"Don't worry, I will still do my obligation to you," he uttered.

"How about her?" I asked.

"I'll marry her."

Because of his answer I pulled his clothes while sobbing. "Shall we divorce? I don't want! I don't want to get a divorce!" I scolded and slapped his chest while he tried to avoid.

I was shocked at what happened, because he pushed me causing me to fall to the floor.

"I will marry her, we don't have to divorce anymore!" he shouted.

"W-what do mean?" I asked.

He sat on the floor and bowed. "Five days after our wedding, you rescued the child who drowned in the swimming pool, you struggled to save the child but unfortunately you failed to save yourself. You died, Alaiza! You're dead! You're just a soul that can't accept your death! Because of my grief I begged my mother to open my third eye to see you and be with you, Alaiza! But I'm wrong! You're just a soul Alaiza who doesn't want to let go of the past. You're not ugly, I love you with all your being. Whatever you look like, I love you but I have to let go of the past, I have to move on and start a new life. Please let go of the past, let me go, Alaiza.." he uttered while his tears flowed.

Because of what she said my tears dripped and I suddenly felt my clothes get wet. I stood up from my seat and i looked in the mirror. I saw my own appearance, my skin turned pale and my eyes darkened.

I'm not ugly, but the destiny is.