4 Sisters of the Apocalypse

19- Amy

Amy

After two helpings of rigatoni with moist meatballs and ricotta followed by a slice of my favorite Entimen's raspberry cheesecake I was about to bust.

Aunt Catherine and Uncle Jerry retired to the living room to watch the 27th season of Law and Order SVU. (I'm only slightly joking.) I waddled up to my kitten-themed bedroom for a little mom and me time.

I opened Mom's journal.

Dear future reader,

It's been about six weeks since my last entry. Guess what? I'm pregnant! I took one of those dollar store tests. I mean I already knew I was pregnant so why waste 19.95$ right? The plus sign practically leapt off the little plastic screen. I've been feeling nauseous and my boobs are sore which is a sure fire indicator. I took the test just as a keepsake. It'll be the first thing I put in Amy's baby book.

Ew mom you saved the pee stick?

There's nothing wrong with keeping it Amy. Urine is sterile.

Mom, why do you keep answering my questions?

Remember Amy, never ask a question you don't want answered.

I threw the journal across the room knocking down a poster of black kittens in tiny pink rollerblades.

All of the pictures of kittens and cats seemed to be staring at me in judgment. Above my bed hung a poster of a kitten creeping across a fallen log over a raging river. The caption read, "You've come a long way Amy!" I rubbed my eyes. It actually said, "You've come a long way baby." I pulled my pink princess eye mask from out of my Disney pillow case and took a power nap. It lasted 12 hours.

My Iphone's alarm went off. It read 5:45. I jumped out of bed hitting my head on the slanted part of the wall. "Dang these colonials!" I was so disoriented. "Is it AM or PM?" Being wintertime looking outside didn't help me at all. I pulled up the brightness on my phone and I groaned. I was devastated to discover it was Monday morning and I had to catch the bus like a mortal. Mom would always drive me. She said, "Princesses should never have to ride in ugly yellow busses."

Oh mom...  I gave myself exactly two minutes to cry then I thought, ''Why do people say, "catch the bus?" It's not like it's being thrown at you..." Whatever...on this dreary Monday morning I was doomed to walk 4 blocks in the cold then sit next to strangers--probably Freshman boy strangers! Ew! Flooded with humiliation I began my morning beauty routine. What normally took an hour I'd have to accomplish in 15 minutes. My day was ruined before it even began.

I had no choice but to throw my hair up into a messy ponytail (it must on purpose messy!) add a touch of pink lip gloss and black mascara. Since I'd forgotten to do my evening routine my eyeliner wings were still intact and only needed to be touched up with a bit of eye liner. I had not picked out my outfit the night before. This is a definite no-no in Amy's rulebook. Thankfully I had hung up a few of my dresses so I chose a charming floral wrap around paired with an oversized fuzzy pink sweater.  I slipped into my gold flats and was out the door in record time.

Uncle Jerry greeted me as I descended the stairs. "Good morning Princess! Are we late for the ball?"

I smiled politely but I didn't think the comment was the least bit funny. I answered him, "No but I'm late for the bus."

Uncle Jerry asked, "How about I drop you off at the bus stop on the way to the senior center?"

"Do I have time for a latte?" Why I asked the question when I already knew the answer puzzled me.

Uncle Jerry responded, "I'm not sure what a latte is but you can grab a cup-a-Joe in the kitchen. Let's rock and roll Shug (Shug is short for sugar. Uncle Jerry is from the South so I don't fault him for this.) The big yellow bus waits for no man--or princess."

Eek Uncle Jerry.

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