4 Sisters of the Apocalypse

23- Beth

Beth

When I got to my new dormroom I immediately took a shower. I felt so grimy after being on the crowded ferry. Thankfully Liza hadn't arrived yet. I had the entire bathroom to myself. After the shower I set all of my things on the right side of the medicine cabinet. Why do they call it that? I'd never leave any of my medicine where people could peruse through it. After changing into comfy grey sweats and a CUNY tee shirt I unpacked.

Since I didn't own a television I thought about reading but my stomach grumbled.  The thought of schlepping down to the Cafetorium filled me with dread. I thought, "If mom were alive she would've loaded me up with banana nut muffins and juice boxes." I never minded. It felt good to have someone care that much.  The thought of mom never making me muffins again set me off on a good crying spree. By the time I gathered my emotions the cafeteria had closed.

I looked at the alarm clock on my nightstand. It read 7:14PM. Too early for bed. Even if I tried, my grumbling tummy would keep me up. Then I had an outrageous thought. When I was little and I got a new box of crayons I would draw things I wanted. At first I thought they were sheer coincidences. One Christmas I wanted a Barbie Dream House. Mom and Dad both said it cost too much.  I'm not a very materialistic person but when I was nine all the other little girls in 3rd grade bragged how they had one. So I began drawing Barbie's Dream house over and over and by Christmas morning there it was under the tree. My parents seemed as surprised as I was. My sisters ran over to the big wrapped gift and started tearing away the red and green wrapped paper.

"Hold on," Jo objected. "The tag says, 'To Beth,'"

Tentatively I opened the package revealing the doll house.

My sisters grumbled. "Why did Beth get the best present? It's not fair."

My parents explained how they didn't buy it.

"Who's it from then?" Amy whined, "Santa Clause?" Even at 8 years old she'd stopped believing.

Dad looked at mom. Mom looked at Dad. Both of them shrugged and mumbled, "Maybe?"

At nine years young I thought it may have been a coincidence. I had an idea. We were having a spiral honey ham for Christmas dinner. I hate ham. I neglected the Barbie dream house and got out an old box of crayons from the craft drawer in the family room.

Amy whined, "Mom!  Beth's not even playing with the dollhouse. She's coloring!"

Jo stood up for me. "Maybe she's afraid to play with it Amy. Cuz you're bullying her!"

As Amy and Jo bickered I began drawing the juiciest turkey with gravy and stuffing.

After breakfast Nana and Pop Pop joined. As they shook the snow off their boots I noticed Nana was holding a large roasting pan covered in foil. It smelled like...

As Nana lifted the foil I could smell it. "I brought Amy's favorite!"

"Mom," my mother protested, "I told you not to cook anything today."

"But Amy hates ham and it was no bother. I got the turkey for free at Walbaum's"

I smelled the aroma of crispy turkey skin. "Is there stuffing and gravy Nana?"

Nana hugged me. "What's a turkey without stuffing and gravy little one?"

A smile broadened across my face. What could I draw next? I had always wanted a Pandora's charm bracelet. The kind where you get little charms for special occasions. After kissing Nana and Pop Pop on the cheek I sat at the coffee table and drew exactly what I wanted.

As we opened Nana and Pop Pops gifts us girls received matching pajamas and new board games. Nana thought we watched too much television. I didn't really like board games or television.

Pop pop held out four little boxes. "I picked out something for each of my beauties."

Everyone looked surprised.

"You're full of surprises dad!" Apparently my grandfather had never picked out a gift for her or his granddaughters before. "Where's mine?" My mother teased Pop Pop.

"You have the best gifts already." He put his arms around her four daughters. "Each one is prettier and sweetener than the next."

Amy had to ask, "But who's the prettiest Pop Pop?"

We all groaned. Amy already knew the answer to that question. At 8 years old a real modeling agency had approached her in the mall. Mom wouldn't allow it. "She's far too young and modeling is too worldly for my girls."

I carefully opened the unwrapped plain white box. I closed my eyes as I removed the piece of square white cotton. When I opened my eyes I gasped. A pair of diamond earrings. "Ohhhh..." I must have looked disappointed.

"What's wrong?" Pop Pop asked, "Don't you like the...?

Amy never hid her feelings. "What is this bracelet with a turkey charm on it?"

Mother gave Amy the death stare.

Pop Pop had a look of embarrassment. "Oh Amy I think you have Beth's gift by mistake!"

I gladly exchanged the diamond earrings for the Pandora charm bracelet. My first charm was a turkey. How perfect. Nana helped me clasp it on my wrist then I bearhugged Pop Pop. I ran over to the coffee table and hid my drawings. No one must ever find out. A feeling of guilt clouded my happiness and I never drew my desires again.

I pondered drawing a picture of mom alive again but thought mom may not appreciate that. She always said, "To live is Christ to die is gain." It would be selfish to try and bring her back from the dead with my Crayola 64 pack.  If I did, what colors should I choose? What if I made some weird crayon monster mom come to life and not my own mom? Honestly I may have imagined the incidents as a child but what if I didn't? Why did the brand new box of crayons suddenly appear in my Hello Kitty backpack?

I need to eat something.

---