In Love with the Darkness (A ROTG Story)

Chapter 21

The silence was deafening as I caught my breath. My heart pounded loudly in my ears, beating an erratic rhythm against my chest. I could feel my cheeks frosted over with frozen tears and I reached up to wipe them away.

My body felt dull. Like I was wading through a pool of cement. My thoughts were muddled, and I gingerly pushed myself up to a seated position. It was difficult and slow, my body not responding to commands as quickly as it used to. I closed my eyes, sighing and letting the serenity of emptiness wash over me. I felt like a wet cloth that had been completely wrung out. It was a surprisingly welcome feeling. However my worry clawed at the back of my throat, reminding me of the guardians and the danger they might be in. I snapped open my eyes and gasped at the sight before me.

Giant shards of ice splintered out in all directions. It was as through a bomb had gone off. It took me a moment to realize that the bomb was me. I gaped at the icicles. They were huge.

300 years worth of torture had gone towards creating this explosion. Each jagged spear was a piece of my soul that Pitch had torn apart. Looking around, I wondered how much was left. After everything Pitch had done, was my soul really even salvageable?

A sputtering sound caught my attention and I looked for the source. My eyes followed the path of the ice, one of the larger leading directly through Pitch's stomach. He was pinned against the wall, the icicle no doubt piercing through to the outside. He sputtered again, thick red blood running down his chin.

I stared at him, our eyes meeting across the room. There was something behind his expression that I couldn't identify, and his lips turned upwards slightly. My breathing hitched when he coughed again.

His blood was quickly turning the icicle a horrid color of red. He was dying. The idea made me dizzy and I covered my mouth with a shaking hand.

I couldn't kill him. I couldn't be responsible for that kind of thing. But I couldn't help the want to leave him there, to send another icicle straight through his heart and finish him off for good.

"Jack?" A tentative voice called from behind me.

I whipped my head around to see Tooth clamoring over the rubble in my direction. My heart leaped in my chest and I tried to get to my feet. A dull throbbing resounded through my legs as they refused my command, and I sat watching.

One by one all of the guardians emerged from the rubble. The fur above Bunny's eye was matted with blood and North was nursing his elbow, but they were alive. The relief made me feel weightless, but still empty. What should have been happiness seemed to pang into the empty cavern of my chest. There was nothing for it to latch on to.

Tooth finally picked her way over to me and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. It felt like my skin was on fire where she touched me, like dozens of spiders sinking their tiny fangs into my flesh. I yanked myself away from her, the sensation disappearing almost immediately.

I felt her eyes on the back of my neck, but I couldn't bring myself to care. My attention was still locked on Pitch's sputtering form across the room. The black hole in my chest seemed to grow when I looked at him, swallowing up my pain and sorrow until there was nothing left.

It felt good ... To forget.

"Just fucking do it, Jack!"

Pitch's voice rang throughout the room, slicing through my illusion of serenity and straight into my heart. I looked into his golden eyes, and he was crying. Tears rolled down his face as he struggled to move, the muscles in his neck straining with the effort.

"Just kill me!" He screamed.

All of the blood rushed out of my face as I stared at him: tears, snot and blood all mixing as they worked their way down his chin. He was so different now than he was a few moments ago. Where was the Pitch that put me through hell for fun? Where did he go? The eyes I looked into now were those of the Pitch I thought I was in love with.

"I don't want to kill you." I whispered, the words gauging into my heart.

Pitch's surprise was clear on his face. His brows furrowed and he seemed to not quite believe me. "Why?" He muttered.

I looked at the ground, I didn't really know that myself. Death was so final. So permanent. There was still good left in Pitch, I could see it. Didn't that part of him deserve a chance to make up for all that he had done?

"I really did love you, Jack ... For the first century, at least. But some point along the way, I saw how powerful you were. I knew I needed more from you than just a partner, plus ... Your refusal of anything more than a kiss was getting to be excruciating."

I looked up at him, my heart darkening.

"You're just too tempting, Jack, too fun to tease. I'll never get enough. I can't live without you. I can't. You're supposed to be by my side. We were made for each other, remember? We're the same."

Pain shot through my heart and the anger rushed back all at once. Pitch had severed the only thing that connected me to him. He was gone. The Pitch I thought I loved was a lie right from the beginning. All of it was manipulation. There was nothing left of him to save. At his core, he was a cruel and sadistic man and he would never change.

I formed another long icicle spear in my hand. I couldn't save him. No one could. He wasn't worth saving. The world would be better off without him. This was my chance to deal with him once and for all.

I sent the spear spiraling towards his heart. Pitch closed his eyes, preparing for the end.

"Jack, wait!" A voice cried out.

The little girl from my mind suddenly appeared in front of Pitch, her hands outstretched. My eyes widened and the spear stopped midair a few inches from Pitch's chest. 

"Jack, you can't. You'll never forgive yourself!"

I felt like I couldn't breathe. I can't believe I was going to do that. I can't kill someone. The similarities between Pitch and I were already striking. If I killed him, how does that make me any better than he is? How can I refuse when he says we're the same?

The little girl grabbed my face with both her hands, touching our foreheads together in a kind of embrace. Her touch felt like the wind, barely brushing against my skin. Something about her felt so familiar. She was a part of my soul. I closed my eyes and let the serenity of her presence wash over me. She always made me feel at ease.

A quick series of shouts and screaming echoed around the room and I ripped my eyes open.