I Won't Mind (BWWM)(#Wattys2015)

Octavia: I Won't Mind

It's been a few days since I left. I miss him but I need to learn to be without him. He isn't mine but damn, if I didn't feel like he was when he came to me. He told me he loves me and he wants to be with me. I was so happy that he wanted me too but I couldn't help but doubt that he really wanted me. I mean, look how long it took him to say those words to me so who's to say it isn't a spur of the moment thing with him. I love Keyton but i'm doubtful he'll still want me in a few days when I return. He's probably with Natalie right now trying to make everything up to her if I know him like I know I do. He probably thinks I left him so he's left me too.

"Ma'am, would you like a refill?", the waitress asked me. I nodded, "Thank you", I said when she was done. She nodded her head then walked over to another table. I didn't leave the city. I'm actually just at a hotel a few blocks away from where I live because I know Keyton wouldn't suspect me actually being this close to him while he thinks i'm most likely overseas. I finished my drink before paying and going back upstairs to my room. My room was a presidential sweat on the 9th floor with an amazing view of the city's skyline. I laid on the bed facing towards the glass sliding doors that led to the balcony.

The sun was setting and the sky started filling with oranges and reds as the sun set and the stars started being visible. Flashes of the night and morning I shared with my bub fleeted through my mind. Flashes of us throughout the years. The flashes of him bringing me back home. It was like the timeline of us. My phone tinged but I ignored it. It was probably just mama (his mother) checking on me again. She was always rooting for us, her and all of our friends but I guess, he wasn't until now.

What changed? Why now? Did he mean it or did he say all of those things that my heart's been yearning to hear for years out of desperation? I feel so exposed right now. I haven't really said anything at all but I feel bare. I should be happy he even said those things to me instead of doubting him. But I can't help it.

Hell, we're damn near 30 now and he's just now saying something after almost a decade? I just have so much floating around in my head right now. I need answers and he's the only person I can get them from but i'm not ready to confront him just yet. My phone tinged again and I would've ignored it like I did before but it tinged a few more times. I got curious and picked my phone up off the little table that was on the balcony. There wasn't a new text alert on my lock screen and my phone didn't ring so I pulled down my notifications bar.

It was Instagram and my phone tinged again in my hand. I clicked the newest alert and almost dropped my phone. It was a picture of me with a caption underneath it.

'Exposed! Never trust when your man say she's my best friend. She'll seduce him & try to take him away but he's home with me where he belongs. You've been exposed desperate ho!'

It already had 27 comments and counting. I didn't even want to think about what was being said because that picture had already said enough and then some. My phone tinged again alerting me of me being tagged in a photo. I clicked it and suddenly the world because an ugly dark place. It was a selfie of Natalie and Keyton on his couch. She was smiling up at the camera while sitting down but he was stretched out on the couch with his head on her lap watching tv laughing. I stupidly read the caption:

'Real love always conquers all. He's right here with me where he belongs. I love him & he loves me & our baby. #StrongLove #Perfect #MyEverything #Success'

I guess I don't need to confront him anymore. I knew it was too good to be true. Why would he want me? He has little miss perfect Natalie, so why would he? He used me. All this time he's been using me. I'm done. If he wants to be with her then fine, but I won't be around anymore. I can't, will not be used anymore. I wonder if she got a kick out of it when he told her all the bullshit he told me? I-my God! I can't anymore.

I'm set to be here at this hotel for a few more days so I am not going anywhere for the moment. When my days are up i'm going to my condo and packing my things up. I'm not going to be boo-boo the fool any longer than I already have been. Then again, he doesn't owe me anything. I put myself in this position so now i'm finally taking myself out of it. I'm going to stay out of his life and let him be. No more me being his safety net. As for Natalie, I wish her all the best. I commented on her picture and turned my phone off.

'You won. I wish you both the best. Have a nice life!✌'

Edited: 6/19/2015