Evelyn's Pendant

5.

I decide to pass the time and ignore some of my anxiety by starting to unpack some of my stuff. I slowly start with my paintings and painting supplies. I find myself repeatedly looking at the clock on my phone. As I hang up the last painting of mine on the white wall and set up my easel, there's a faint tapping on my door. I take a deep breath and go to the door.

I don't say anything as I open the door to see Hannah with her straightened chestnut locks, bare face and a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt on.

"Hey..." she says sheepishly while I go back to my almost-empty box of painting supplies. "Your roommate is... something else," she chuckles nervously.

I just nod and continue with unpacking. She closes the door behind her and stands there awkwardly. I can see the fear mixed with guilt and sadness in her eyes, but I try my best not to show that I care, so I turn towards my stuff.

"I'm just going to come right out and apologize," she says. "I wasn't there for you on Saturday night and I feel awful."

She sounds relatively desperate. I put my stuff down but still have my back towards her.

"I was drunk and wasn't thinking clearly, and I feel awful about the way I reacted to what you told me about what happened," she continues as her voice cracks and squeaks. "I miss you and will do anything to make it up to you, Lil."

I don't know whether to let it go or to start screaming at her. Do we let bygones be bygones or continue with whatever this mess is?

"You pretty much said that I let that guy take advantage of me, Hannah," I say as I turn quickly to face her. I look her in the eye, and for once, she does the same.

"You know I didn't mean it that way, Lillian!" she says. I continue to stare at her and cross my arms. "I just want you to be able to be okay on your own, you know? I want you to be more careful about what you do... because I won't always be around to protect you." She puts her hand over her mouth and sobs in it.

I look down. She does have a point, as much as I hate to admit it. I want to scream at her, I want to hate her, I want to break her down.

But I just can't.

This is my best friend.

"Yeah..." I say quietly. "I understand. I can admit that I did overreact a little as well." Why is it so hard for me to get these words out?

"You're my best friend, Lil," she says. "I don't want anything else bad happening to you. I just want you to be safe."

I kind of chuckle. "You know, I'm still going to do what I want," I say. "Just don't worry about me, I'm fine."

I think I just lied... I can't be certain of my current feelings.

Hannah smiles a little bit and looks down. I follow her eyes and also look down at my yellow-tinted wrists and arms. This heat of the end of summer is making it almost impossible to wear long sleeves.

I put my hands behind my back and Hannah looks at me with a frown and tears still well in her eyes.

She runs up to me and gives me the biggest hug. With my eyes starting to sting with tears, I hesitantly hug her back. She doesn't bother to talk anymore about the incident, she knows better than that.

I pull myself away from her gently and give her a faint smile.

I decide to let things go and change the conversation. "So where are you living here?"

"I live across the street," she says. "Washington Hall."

"So it looks like we're neighbors," I chuckle.