Evelyn's Pendant

12.

    ... Is it finally over?

    Am I free from the wretched mind that haunted me of my sister every day?

    Am I free from those constant reminders by the people around me that I killed her?

    Can I see Evie again now?

    I ache to see those striking blue eyes and her lightly freckled nose that looked like mine - hers just stuck out a little more, but was still ever so perfect. That straight, perfect, long cinnamon hair. Everything about her was perfect.

    She was everything that I wasn't - I looked up to Evelyn.

    Most sibling relationships were different from ours. Evelyn and I were always the best of friends. Of course, we would bicker, but we were always there for each other no matter what. We kept each other's deepest, darkest secrets. We gave each other advice, did everything together...

She was my rock. My favorite person. The one who never left me, understood me and was there along with me during the hardest times.

    We both had to witness our own mother fall into a deep depression after the death of our little brother. He never even got a chance; mom had a miscarriage when she was six months pregnant with Aidan.

    I was so excited when I learned that I was going to be a big sister. Evie wasn't - she was content enough with just me. Once we found out that our mother was having a baby boy, her and my dad picked the name Aiden immediately, got his nursery room set up in our house and we were all anxiously waiting for his arrival... But he never came.

The screams my mother made that night have haunted me for the rest of my life.

Our father would leave for days because he couldn't stand our mother being so depressed and useless. He would commonly come home in the middle of the night in a drunken stupor and just collapse on the couch, not saying a word to either of his baby girls.

He would sleep there most nights.

    Evelyn and I would stay together in her bed when this would happen. She would hold me and console me while I would cry, telling me everything would be okay.

    "Mommy and Daddy are just sad, Lilly," she would say to me.

    She was only eight and I was five.

    Our family never had it easy, but eventually, things were slowly starting to fall into place when Evie and I were teenagers. Our parents fixed their relationship after mom started going to therapy and dad went to rehab. We were almost happy again, everything was slowly but surely getting back to normal.

    Until the crash.

    I ruined everything, and I lost it all.

    I not only lost my sister... I not only lost my baby brother all those years ago... I not only lost the already rocky relationship that I had with my parents.

    I lost myself.

    I lost my way due to alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs.

    I lost my innocence I had left to sexual relationships that included abuse.

    I lost any respect I had for myself when I turned to self-harm.

    I lost my responsibility when I recklessly started spending any money I could find.

    I didn't care anymore. What else did I have to lose?

All of those things meant nothing with Evelyn gone.