Evelyn's Pendant

22.

The next few days go by unbearably slowly as I have been fighting against my own stubbornness. I finally won against it, and I currently sit in awkward silence across from my wary mother. The diner's ambience is loud tonight, but the silence between us is deafening. My father promised my phone back once I had a civil conversation with mom. I'm determined but scared beyond belief. No matter where we are, whether at home or in this diner, this could turn into a competition of who can scream the loudest. I don't want that kind of attention, so I'll try to stay as composed as possible, but it doesn't seem possible, given my past, but what can this 'new me' do? What can she handle now? Is that person even real? My mom twirls her hair in her fingers.

    Why must I be the first one to say something? She's so damn stubborn; at least I know where I get it from. I take a deep breath. "So," I start while huffing out my breath and grab a fry off of the plate in front of me. "Dad - I mean - I wanted to talk to you, mom."

    "What about?" she cautions.

    I scoff. What do you think? "Everything...?"

    "Everything, huh?" she asks sarcastically, not touching her food. She has dark bags under her crystalized eyes and her sunken-in cheeks. I frown at the pain I've caused her, no matter how much we don't get along. She looked the exact same after Evelyn died.

    "Yeah," I sputter. "Everything. Everything that has led up to this moment, right now."

    She sighs and then nods once. "Okay then, go ahead Lillian."

    I don't waste any more time. "I'm sorry about Evelyn," I start.

    "I'm sorry too," she sniffles and brushes her hair back. "She was an angel."

    Ouch. "I know... and she still is," I sigh. "Mom, I need you to know that I still blame myself for everything. Guilt pushed me off that ledge. I'm so lost without her and everything has been dark since she has been gone," I cry. "Everything's dark, and the only time I got to see light was when I 'died'." I know where I'm going and I know she's not going to believe a damn word I say.

    "Am I supposed to be happy about that?" She says, disgusted.

    "Mom," I choke. "I saw Evie... Wherever I went for those couple of minutes."

    "That's sick, Lillian."

    "Mommy, please" I say as I cry. That got her attention and she quickly reaches over the table and takes my trembling hands in hers. "She was happy, and safe. She was warm and beautiful. She wasn't in any pain. She forgave me, but I still can't forgive myself. I need my mom," I sob as we clutch each other's hands. Tears flow down her cheeks. "She's been watching me, and I know she wouldn't want us to act like this towards each other."

    "You really saw her, Lillian?" she squeaks and I quickly nod. "I guess she would be right about that. She always wanted peace."

    "Mom, I just need you to know that I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't get that little closure I got with Evelyn. I'm not saying I should have done what I did, but seeing Evelyn was what I needed, and I hope you can learn to forgive me for all I have done."

    "Oh, Lilly," she relents. "You're my daughter. I love you more than anything, and I'm so glad you're alive. What you did was stupid and wrong, but I forgive you," she sighs. "I just hope you can forgive me for being so terrible to you."

    "You were hurt, I know you didn't mean any of it."

    "Let go of that guilt, Lillian. Your sister loves you and will always be with you." She points at the pendant dangling from my neck.

    I grasp it tightly. "Okay."

    When we get home, dad follows through with his promise and hands my phone over to me. I smile and start to my room.

    "Wait a minute," dad says sternly. I turn back to him. "If you're smart, stay away from social media. You understand me?"

    I chuckle and nod, then head up to my room.

    The line rings.... And rings... Voicemail. I decide to leave a message.

    "Hey, Ash... It's - uh - It's Lillian... Uh - 'Ombre'." I chuckle through my stutters. "Just wanted to let you know that I'm home." I clear my throat. "Call me back so we can catch up. I haven't heard from you. I miss you. Bye." I quickly hang up the phone and groan to myself and lay back on my bed. I hold my phone to my chest and wonder why I haven't heard from Asher since that night. Shouldn't he be worried about me? I know he wasn't technically my boyfriend, but still, is it too much to ask for him to show he cares? Is he scared? Busy?

    The doorbell rings and I quickly get up and run downstairs. I hear Hannah's quiet voice from the front door where my parents have greeted her, and run past them to give her the biggest hug. I begged my parents to have her visit, as I needed some girl time with my best friend.

    "I need an update, like now." I say as Hannah and I lay next to each other on my bed.

    "On what?"

    "Everything! Like what's been going on since my long hiatus in the loony bin."

    She lays to face me on her side with her hand against her head. "Lil, you know that I've been here this whole time, I don't know what's been going on up there at school."

    "Yeah, I guess, but like, why isn't Asher calling me back?" I say as I throw my phone down on my bed in frustration.

    "Like I said when I came to visit you, you can't trust him."

    "But why? Maybe he didn't have anything to do with Hazel's antics to try and get me killed. I doubt Rose has any idea either."

    She huffs. "I dunno, Lil. The whole thing is just sketchy to me. I mean, I wouldn't trust the whole group, but that's just me." She turns back onto her back and texts on her phone.

    "Hm," I mumble as I sit up. "Speaking of, when are we going back?"

    She shrugs. "Whenever you're ready, I guess? Spring semester starts in about a month. Maybe then?" she suggests. A month? Time has flown by.

    I groan. "A month? I want to go back now!"

    "Lil, you just got home, give yourself some time to recover. Your arm still isn't out of that nasty cast yet." She makes a disgusted face at me.

    "Stop," I chuckle. "I get it taken off in a few weeks, jeez. Let's go for a walk, I'm fucking sick of sitting in this house all day."