Evelyn's Pendant

15.

Theo gave me a combination of pills to take for my pain and some others to "calm" me down. I still lie restlessly on my hard spring bed tonight. I was reluctant to take the pills, but I was forced to. He told me I'm going to need to follow the rules around here and not get myself in trouble if I want to get out of here sooner rather than later.

    'I want you to think tonight, Lillian. I want you to think about what you are hiding and why it is beneficial for you to hide this secret. I also want you to think of how it is detrimental for you to be hiding it.' I recall Katherine telling me.

    I take a deep breath and turn onto my side.

    I tried to keep my suicide attempt a secret because it seems like when people find out about my secrets, they will use it against me and find a way to destroy me even more. I've been trying to keep Evelyn's death a secret because I truly believe it was my fault and that I killed her. When people find that out, they will - and have - think I am a murderer.

I want to look perfect in others eyes. In my own, I am not. I am a disgrace to my family. I caused the death of my parents' favorite daughter... and I almost killed their last, more troubled, daughter. Myself.

    I gasp lightly to myself and my eyes go round.

    What have I done?

    My door opens and Theo pokes his head in. He realizes I'm still awake and comes into the room and says, "Lillian, it's two in the morning."

    These visits are called checks, which is when orderlies and nurses come around to each patient's room and check on them to make sure they're alive, not causing trouble, et cetera. They can happen at random, every five minutes, every hour, all depending on how severe the situation is. I get checks every fifteen minutes. I still have yet to get used to them; they honestly piss me off and every time they do it, I have either yelled, thrown a pillow at someone or just hid underneath my blanket, blocking my ears. This time, since it's Theo, I just watch him as he comes into my room.

    "Did you take the melatonin I gave you before bed?" he asks quietly.

    "Yes."

    "Do you need some more? You've had a stressful day; you need to sleep since you have an appointment with Dr. Redding in about six hours."

    "No, just leave me alone, nurse."

    Theo stands there for a moment and sighs. "Goodnight, Lillian."

He quietly leaves my room and I quickly turn on my other side.

    I don't want to act as friends here with him. He's not supposed to know me, and I'm not supposed to know him. It obviously upsets him a little for me to be distant towards him, but right now I just need to pretend like we don't have the awkward history that we share. I mean, it's like I barely even know him anyways.

    I try to close my eyes to sleep, but my mind doesn't stop racing. I miss my friends. I miss Hannah... I miss Asher... Rose, Hazel, Cody. Fuck Alexa. I hope Cody dumped her ass.

    I hear the door creak open again. I grunt out of frustration. "Theo, please!"

    But it's not Theo. The girl's frizzy red hair is darkened from the lack of light in my room.

    "Tess?" I say.

    She quickly shushes me as she tip-toes in my room, and whispers, "You gotta be quiet. Come on, let's get out of here."

    "Are you insane?" I whisper back. "What do you mean 'get out of here?'"

    Tess rolls her eyes and tilts her head back. "I mean, obviously, we can't escape. But, I know of a little place where we can go to escape from these prison cells for a little while."