𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 & 𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 ━ girl meets world²

6│NINE NOVEMBERS LATER

▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅

❛ ʟᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀ & ʟᴀᴄᴇ​​​​​​​​​​. ❜ ° . ༄
- ͙۪۪˚   ▎❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐗 ❜   ▎˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
»»————- ꒰ ɴɪɴᴇ ɴᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀs ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ ꒱


❝ BUT YOU CANNOT KNOW MY
TRUE FEELINGS BEHIND
LEAVING YOU. MY LOVE,
PLEASE FORGET ME. I'M
ONLY A BURDEN TO YOU. ❞

▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅

𝐢. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑: 𝐢𝐟 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐠𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭

Dear J,

I keep replaying the last conversation that we had in my head and I try to think of what I could've done differently. If I had known then that it would be at least a year before I saw you again, I would have given everything to go to London with you. This is the longest I've ever gone without seeing you or at least hearing your voice and that's not a record that I'm proud of. I keep thinking that one day I'll wake up and you'll be walking through the door, laughing at how you'd fooled me into thinking that our relationship could end so suddenly. You'd scold me and call me an idiot and say that I should've had more faith in you, in us— I always did have the habit of assuming the worst. But it's been months now and I haven't heard from you; it's like you've vanished off the face of the earth.

I keep trying to convince myself that, somehow, this wasn't my fault— that I didn't break your heart again, but there seems to be no other explanation for your silence. It was foolish of me to think that we could pick up where we left off, just like that, when we saw each other again. I was smart enough to know that life isn't a fairytale and happy endings aren't cut out for people like me. I hope you know that I haven't stopped thinking about you. I miss the warmth that flooded through me whenever you took my hand, and I miss the way my breath caught whenever you said my name. I miss your smile, the way your eyes would so expressively reflect your emotions and how you always believed that I could be better than I was.

I mean it, J. You have truly helped me become a better person, even if it feels like you never saw the results. I wouldn't be where I am today without you— and the rest of our friends, of course, but you were the first. You never gave up on me, even when C and I managed to come up with another farfetched idea that probably wasn't the smartest. You helped me when I was struggling and every time you tried to make things a little bit better.

Of all the ways that I could go back and change the past, there is only one that I know would have affected the present: on that last day we were together, I should have let you speak first.

My home is wherever you are,

Shawn

𝐢𝐢. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑: 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

Dear J,

Two years. That's how long it's been now. Some days it still feels like we're kids and I only have to wait eight hours before I see you again— which, trust me, at that age felt like an eternity in itself. You were such a big part of my life that it seems incomprehensible that you're not here anymore. It's usually very difficult for me to get and remain close to people, but somehow with you it has always been easy. You were the first friend that I ever made, back when we met in kindergarten. I still remember how you bounced up to me with your hair permanently affixed in those twin braids that you loved— a side effect from growing up with boys, probably. Even when the other kids wouldn't look twice at me, you weren't afraid to become my friend.