White Valar (A Legolas FanFic)

Chapter Thirteen - Memories

~Sorry for not updating, I lost faith in myself and this story, but my faith was renewed when dreamescape07 helped me out and encouraged me to update, so I'd like to say thanks to dreamy~

'Oh my gods...' I whispered. This couldn't be real. How could Varda even know who I am?
There was this sickening feeling in my stomach, every part of my body felt numb, I was dizzy and my breaths became shallow. It all came back to me like one massive slap.
There were sixteen of us. One turned evil, another was tempted and fourteen worked together to save Arda. It was incredibly painful, my sight was blocked with explosions of visions and memories, all in black and white, the dark dominating the light.
Everything flashed before my eyes, it was incomprehensible. Flashes of ice, snow, burning and darkness. Each of their faces. Erú. Manwë. Varda. Melkor. Sauron. The very depths of Utummno. The agreement I was offered:
'Darkness and ice were made for each other. Join me and we can take this world as our own.'
Upon my disagreement there was torture, years of it, until escape.
The destroying of my home in the Grinding Ice, everything I had ever made, destroyed. They turned their back on me, they abandoned me. I was left for neither side.
Then the trees, the pain, my last memories of being one of the Valar. The recurring dream, the pain, SO MUCH PAIN!
I screamed. It was an ear piercing one, like it was shredding my vocal cords. It was all so overwhelming, I couldn't understand anything. It was like I was trapped in this little bubble where nothing could get in to save me, not even the sound of the outside world. I couldn't escape the darkness, I couldn't breathe.
I felt hands close around me, and I was lifted into the air and then pressed tight against the chest of one of the Valar. I couldn't tell who it was, but I buried myself into the chest and tried to take control of my rapid breathing. The hyperventilation was making me light headed and nothing could bring me back into the real world.
Hot tears poured down my face and everything I once had control of spun out of control. And I let myself slip into the welcoming darkness.

-•-

I slowly opened my eyes. It was difficult, the dried up tears cemented them closed and the bright light hurt. I didn't want to wake up, not now. I tried to curl myself up away from the light.
I heard footsteps, someone must have noticed that I was awake. I could hardly see anything, stone walls, bright windows, plants, rows and rows of books, it was a little meeting hut. A soft hand rubbed my shoulder and I turned round to see a familiar face, but it was not exactly the person I was expecting to see.
'Vairë?' I whispered.
She said nothing, but remained looking down on me, stone faced. Her books and tapestries were gone, her face seemed disinterested but I could see a hint of interest in her eyes.
'Tell me everything you know,' she ordered plainly.
'What?'
'Tell me. Tell me everything you remember,' she requested again.
'Why?' I interrogated. I didn't know what exactly she was talking about, but I didn't want to talk to her in the slightest bit.
'All of my scrolls about you disappeared with you, I need to know everything. They need to know everything!' She urged as she pointed out the door.
'I don't need to tell anyone anything!' I snapped back without thinking. Vairë was infuriated, she was boiling with anger, but she suddenly calmed down.
'We hardly remember what happened... The only thing we know about you is your name, your power and your sacrifice. That's it. The past has all been forgotten, but it can contain answers for the future. You need to help us because you are now the only one who remembers, you are the only one who knows how this whole thing works, you are the only one who can save us. All you need to do is forgive us, drop your grudges and help us or everything precious to you, to us, will burn,' she sternly lectured.
I couldn't help but feel incredibly stupid. I had to help them, but my blind hatred kept getting in the way. I might hold the key to saving the world but my grudges blinded me. I hated myself for this. I needed to let go of the past and focus on the present.
'How...how did you know...that I remembered?' I stuttered quietly, looking up into Vairë's cold eyes.
She sighed and sat down on the chair next to the table I was lying on. I knew she didn't want to talk about it, she seemed hurt, like it had happened to her before.
'Sometimes there are...certain...triggers for the memories that have been long forgotten to come back,' she began uneasily. 'We sometimes forget things, but they come back. We feel everything that happened. It's...overwhelming...'
I remembered how memories that I had forced myself to forget would come back. Sometimes in dreams, sometimes in broad daylight.
'It's like a curse. I hate seeing it damage other people,' she whispered. 'It happens so much now that we get older, it destroys our minds.' She went quiet.
'It happens to me sometimes too,' I said, trying my best to comfort her and show that I understood. She gave me a confused look, but nodded her head almost in approval.
'Come, we have many things to talk about,' she instructed and took my hand, leading me out the door back toward The Ring.
'Hopefully we can find a way to fix this.' She sighed. I was ready to face the Valar with a new attitude and a new understanding.

~ Yay, I finally got my lazy arse to update. I'm going to make the chapters shorter from now on to make it easier for the both of us:
Me - because it won't seem like a huge chore for me to write chapters
You - so you won't get so bored and stop reading because reading long chapters is like a boring chore
So I'd like to thank you for sticking with me and hopefully I can update if anyone reads this ;)
Cya.

~Ps. Dun4get2vote;)<3u