White Valar (A Legolas FanFic)

Chapter Seven - Explanations Are Demanded

We left Imladris together without another word.

Legolas rode silently beside me. I occasionally looked over to him to observe his facial expression. It shifted between angry, hopeless, guilty, sad to just all out aggression. I could see that he was biting his lip very hard. He must have been dealing with a lot of stress.

'Legolas,' I finally said, trying to break the agonising silence.

'Don't apologise again,' he sneered. I just bit my lip and looked away. It was exactly what I was going to do.

My mind had been so messed up lately. Going from panicked, to angry, to suicidal, to guilty, to just about every other emotion humanly possible. I felt like I was ten different people, with ten different feelings and personalities, but all of them got my into trouble.

Sometimes I wish I could just be a little bit more normal.

We reached the mountain pass by nightfall and we found a small indent in the rock face to shelter in. The awkwardness of the silence was driving me insane, it just amplified my problems for some reason.

I set up a blanket and some food and Legolas did the same. We sat in silence just staring at each other.

If looks could kill.

I could feel his eyes burning a hole through me and every square inch of my body was being judged. I couldn't move.

'Fine, you want to know my whole dirty history?' I blurted, waving my arms like a mad woman. 'You want to know every little thing I've been hiding from you? Don't you?' I sounded angry. Very angry. Legolas flinched a little at my sudden outburst.

'Right now? I feel like I want to, but I just don't want to hear it,' He said firmly.

'Is the only way to get you to stop being mad at me, to tell you every little secret I have kept from you?' My voice was practically begging for his forgiveness.

'No,' He practically spat, 'But it would help.'

I stopped my flustered state and looked him in the eye.

'Alright then,' I said smugly, folding my arms. 'What do you need to know so you can stop hating me?'

'I don't hate you. I just hate the way you're acting,' he mumbled.

'Fine. What do you want to know?' I was so annoyed. I couldn't tell him everything.

But it would probably get me into more hell.

No it won't. A little white lie never hurt anyone.

Yes it does. I've already lied to him and that's already coming back to bite me.

It won't put him in any danger.

Yes it will! Knowing always hurts. His knowledge of this could be used against me.

By whom?

Sauron, you dumass!

Fine. Just be difficult and try to avoid questions that could potentially reveal that you used to be a freaking Valar!

After I finished the aggressive conversation with myself, I turned to Legolas and looked him in the eyes.

'What's going on?' He asked. 'You must know something.'

I took a deep breath and replied, looking him straight in the eye. I couldn't lie to him about this.

'You mean with the attacks? Or me? Or both?' I was hoping he would go for option one.

'Both,' He demanded.

'Ok,' I huffed. 'I would say the attacks all started with dead dwarves, but it starts a little before that.'

I told him about when Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel, Radagast and Saruman fought off the Necromancer in Dol Guldûr and how that was actually Sauron. I told him that it was me he was in the Battle of the Five Armies. I told him that Gandalf and I were scouting and we found some dead dwarves, then some orcs and we realised that the Necromancer couldn't be defeated, not in that way.

I said that the dwarves may have thought that elves would have killed the dwarves to steal treasure because they didn't get the Lonely Mountain. Which probably set off some ancient tensions and attracted the help of some orcs. Therefore meaning that they partnered up to attack and avenge their kin.

But I didn't tell him this; maybe the orcs just needed some extra power to attack Mirkwood because there may have been something there that they needed for Sauron.

'What's going on with me?' I changed the topic. 'Well, I couldn't tell you, because I actually don't know myself.' Excellent, nicely avoided.

'Bull,' He spat.

'Fine,' I sighed and rolled my eyes. 'But you have to promise you won't freak out or tell anyone.'

He gave me a tired look, as if I was joking.

'I have to save the Valar.' The words were rushed but they neatly landed on his shoulder. He was shocked.

'Pfft!' He exclaimed. 'That's ridiculous, what do you have to do with the Valar?' I felt the urge to slap him.

'Legolas. Freaking. Greenleaf,' I hissed. 'I. Am. Not. Kidding.'

The playful look in his eyes disappeared and he straightened his posture.

'Are you serious?' He interrogated.

'Yes, I am serious,' I looked him in the eye and gave him the sternest look I could. 'Sauron is trying to steal the powers of the Valar.'

'How can he do that?' He remarked.

'I don't know, maybe someone taught him or maybe it's his power as a Maiar,' I replied. 'Look, Nessa took me to the void and told me what's wrong, she wrote a note to me telling me that the Valar don't know about me and they don't know much about what Sauron is doing. They thought that I was a servant of Sauron! I don't know what to do! They're asking me to save them from evil, but how? I don't know, why can't they just do it themselves? It's not like Sauron is more powerful than Melkor!' I shut my mouth as soon as I said it.

'No elf would dare utter the true name of Morgoth,' He whispered. 'What are you?' He sneered, starting to unsheathe a dagger. He was going to kill me.

'Legolas,' I slowly began to back away. 'Legolas, what are you doing?' The blade was fully drawn and it was pointing at me.

'What are you?' The question was repeated as he drew closer.

'I'm me. Cerirae. I'm just a really old elf.' I tried to reassure him.

'Then why are you not withered with millenniums of age?' A fire of hatred burned in his eyes.

'I-I-I don't know!' I stuttered. 'I'm normal and I'm not plotting against you or trying to kill you. You're my friend and I would never do anything to hurt you.'

He stopped and sheathed the dagger. 'Sorry,' he mumbled. 'I don't know what came over me.' He plonked himself down next to me.

'It's ok. You just scared me a little.' He sat down beside me and he put his arm around me.

'We scared each other. Why do you say His true name,' emphasising the "His".

I really didn't want to tell him. But he could help me. Maybe he knew something that I didn't.

'Legolas. I'm sorry. I lied.' I mumbled. 'I'm not exactly an elf.' I paused for a long time, trying to muster all of the courage I had. I couldn't lie to him any more. It was freaking him out and confusing him. If I was going to be a good friend and save the Valar, I had to tell him. I had to.

'I used to be a Valar.'

~ Oh my Eru, cliff hanger! Sorry :( The next chapter will be up soon, so I hope you're looking forward to more regular updates.

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Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.

Madi