Duality

Chapter 4

Her mind races with flashbacks of the past that increases her craving for Amiya's lost self to come back and change the present. But instead of feeling happy for these quick reliving memories, she detests it thoroughly.

"Gah! Stop it, stop it now! I will never be who I once was! That Amiya is gone, lost, dead and buried away deep into the emptiness..." Amiya grips her hair and pulls on it with rage.

Amiya's desire to embrace that reflection as herself builds a more resentful hatred in herself. Anything to demolish and get rid of everything is all she wants. Amiya builds up more passion to despise herself so much she glares at herself in the mirror, the same as she did to her friends.

"I hate you! I despise you! You and me, we are done. There is nothing between us anymore, there is nothing there at all! We will never be one again..." Amiya screams madly.

Her mind runs wild, glimpses of herself change from the sweet Amiya to the now enraged Amiya. Her memories collectively pile on each other in a tumbling mountain, her mind spinning in circles as if her mind is a circus and she is merely a joker. Her reflection in the role of the ringmaster whipping together her past self and her current and now discovered self in a continuous and torturous mess.

"Aah, please it hurts knowing that it is finished and dealt with, Amiya is me not you!" she points to the mirror specifically to her reflection.

The tears of now anger and resentment take over her first regret and sad emotions, her previous negative emotions surface and take over her heart and mind. Amiya raises her bloody hand to wipe and eradicate the horrid and treacherous form of herself she sees in the mirror. Her expression does not alter neither from the reflection nor herself; it remains stiff with a dead look in her eyes.

Her hand nears closer to the mirror ready to wipe the mirror as her hand freezes and trembles. In front of Amiya is not the Amiya she originally desired to be and delete; it was a different Amiya.

This new image of Amiya does not have that eyes that provide reassurance of well-being. Her image flickers as if there are two versions of her, something that her friends saw in her during the chaotic argument in her room. However, there is only one reflection of Amiya; how does this make sense or even work in the first place?

Amiya observes her reflection, her eyes notice every detail in change in the persona and attitude of the reflection. The reflected Amiya is still the same; there is no difference. Until Amiya looks up and makes direct eye contact with her image.

Her eyes glisten and shine with nothingness, no emotion in sight: the opposite of what her smile contains. While her smile glows brightly with pure joy and positivity, her eyes radiate pure darkness and negativity deep within that emptiness. The dead gaze of coldness covers up the malicious and devious stare that is kept hidden. Her smile switches to a twisted, sly smirk for a quick second as her eyes perceive the unexpected innocence of herself. The reflection of Amiya stands tall with pride and presents an aura of delirious and cunning intent, but her hand reaches out as a helping hand of support.

Amiya backs away from the mirror in shock and as she blinks it is like her image is now one version of herself. But then it is like there is a mask that is peeling off her face and reveals the two-faced version of herself that struck terror in all of Amiya's friends. The very same presence that possessed such strong negative, sly, and eerie intent now fills the bathroom; the lights flicker timidly as if even the inanimate object is afraid of what stands in front.

"Woah, there is no way, I must be tripping. There cannot be two reflections of myself in the mirror, that is impossible. Am I actually losing it; am I for real going insane?" Amiya blinks twice before she wonders if it is just a trick, playing with her mind.

As if Amiya still contemplates what is going on, the Amiya in the mirror lets out a smug laugh which haunts the bathroom as it bounces back from wall to wall; it screeches into her ears painfully loud.

"The only real relationship and connection I have is with myself. I forsake everything that was once in my hands just to present myself in this way. This way where my once naiveness vanished into thin air. I am no longer the friend filled with laughter; I am now the foe filled with anger. I was a positive and honest girl and now I have so much negativity in me that trust issues harass my mind fearfully." Amiya preaches to herself amidst of the chaos of her own toxic voice.

The feelings of true, pure, holy, and flawless relationships with clear cut communication and honesty are what Amiya lacks in now. No one ever notices it, only because she hid it to herself well. Amiya is tangled in a continuous hassle of emotions and thoughts filled with fear and judgement. There is no escape for her; Amiya is trapped in for good in a cage filled with thorns that isolate her from everything in life. Her only supporting friend is also unfortunately her greatest enemy and cause of sorrow; herself.

'Is this what my friends, no people, see me as? Am I a girl with two different personalities which has a great imbalance and unleashes whenever and creates problems with everyone? Is there an issue with me; which causes this to occur frequently and disrupt my relationships with everyone around them? Am I even capable of these relationships, or have I let them perish forever with no hope to regain them back? These questions that flood through my mind, will there ever be answers to them? Answers that I need to hear for the better, am I destined to find them?' Amiya ponders about these questions with her eyes stuck on the mirror, especially at her reflection.

"I want to be free from this never-ending maze of deception and misconception. I desire to be normal if that is even possible for me. No, scratch that, I want to be human; I want to be the girl I once was. I want all my previous moments in life back where I was happy with my friends. I do not want to be feared upon; I want love, not hate. Is that so much to demand for, it is my right to have everything, I once kept so close before pushing it all away towards nothingness." Amiya continues to speak with herself madly.