amsterdam ( central cee )

1

I'm convinced every girl knows this feeling all too well. You're walking at night in a hurry to get to your destination. At the end of your path, there's a group of lingering boys. You hesitate... do you cross the road or march through them like it doesn't bother you? But how do you ignore their whispers, the burning gazes, and the obnoxious catcalling? How do you ignore the fear of being assaulted, or robbed?

After puberty, I've come to terms that this is just the reality women live in and all I can do is show that I'm not fucking afraid.

Water hits my face and an annoyed scream traps in my throat. I zip up my jacket in a feeble attempt to keep the rain out. But the storm was heavy now, the droplets pouring on my cheeks are like millions of tiny icicles that I couldn't block. Speed forces on my feet, my socks annoyingly wet.

I look up from the floor just to see where I'm going and I see them. The group of boys... some full-grown men, hanging around the convenience store at the corner of my flat.

God damn it.

I focus religiously on my steps, ignoring the stone settling in my gut. The group came nearer and I hesitated walking past them for the store a few blocks further away. But the truth is, my back hurts, my feet hurt walking those extra ten minutes would be the death of me.

I walked past them, they hadn't noticed my presence luckily. The warmth hit my face almost suffocatingly fast. I took my hood off and inhaled a relieved breath I had caught my reflection in the security mirror and wished I hadn't. I walk away from it and snatch a shopping basket from the pile. Like always this store is empty... lovely. The noise cancelation in my AirPods erases the world around me, I love shopping like this.

I take a big packet of crisps and head back toward the drinks. I swerve through the familiar isles and grab the essentials. Lays originals, salted peanuts, sour gummy worms. For the drinks, I stand in front of the refrigerator for a few extra seconds even when I know exactly what I want. Mango chamomile ice tea. I'm a very lazy individual, I think y'all should know this. The ice tea is on the top shelf and I'm just over 5'0 ft, this should be illegal.

I balance myself on my tippy toes and push the plastic from beneath the bars of the rack so it's closer for me to grab. Slender fingers reach over my shoulder and grab the bottle. I step aside a little shocked that someone would just rudely lean over me like that. I avoid looking at its face but its scent is strong, wavering toward me as if its luring me into curiosity. Its presence lingers and the scent is stronger, yet I fight the urge to look at it. I repeat the motion from earlier but something cold taps me.
Finally, I find the nerve to look at... Him.

He's pressing the cold bottle against my jacket, small brown eyes standing confused. For a moment, I forget all the common knowledge of the English language. He's wearing a grey tracksuit and black puffer jacket, and the upper half of his face is almost covered with his designer hat and hoodie. He looks like the type that belongs to the group out front.

Great.

"Thank you." I smile at him, ignoring all the heat rushing to my cold cheeks. Just before I turn away from him I see his pink lips move.

I take out a single earbud, the word becomes alive again and it's only then I realize how loud it is around me. "Pardon me?"

A corner of his mouth kicks up, a pleased grin. "I said, I've been talking to ya for a long minute now."

I'm convinced my face would start melting by how hot it's getting in this damn store. "Sorry—... I seriously didn't know my music was quite loud." I say through an awkward breathy chuckle.

I drop the ice tea in my basket and hear the potato chips crunch. A heartbeat of silence is enough for my need to flee, so I do. I turn and walk toward the cashier, faster than I did before. Much more conscious and aware of my surroundings, I kept my earbud out. I heard his footsteps behind me.