amsterdam ( central cee )

2

Okay. I tend to overthink things a lot. It's a bad habit. Even now, I wonder if my music is too loud. I wonder if people around me can hear it. I've lowered my volume about twenty times the past few hour. I'm pretty sure no one hears it but every glance my way breaks that certainty.

I've been looking at a picture of the human respiratory system for the past ten minutes now, pretending that I'll remember better that way. In reality, I've zoned out nine minutes ago, lost in the beat of the music booming in my ears. I fall into a hypnosis that is Alex Turner's voice, flashes of his face ran before my eyes and my imagination runs wild.

I snap out of it by the ding of my phone. My AirPods stop the music and read the message for me.
Marius Smit has send you a message: yo you awake?

I drop the textbook and navigate to FaceTime. I call him and he answers quicker than I expected.

"Yo." My brother is sitting behind his desk, his glasses balanced on the tip of his nose. He's setting the phone up so he could see me, doing way better than I am who keeps the camera angled on my forehead.

"Wassup."

Marius shrugs and I watch him open his laptop.
"Just checking in on ya.  Everything alright?"

I check the time and frown. "It's about seven thirty why are you at work?"

Marius sighs. "I'm doing something cool for my kids this morning. Why are you awake this early, it's Monday?!" His 'kids' are his students. A bunch of ten year olds he'd seem to love unconditionally. My brother is corny but that inspired me. He finds passion in what he does. I wish I could find passion in what I do.

"I took a trip to the library for some early studying." I hold up a shaky thumb.

He laughs as he types away om his computer.

"I almost believed it."

My jaw slacks. "I'm telling the truth!"  I angle the camera so he could see my books and iPad but he doesn't look at the screen so I flash my middle finger and frown.

"Why are you awake? Didn't sleep?"

"Nope," I say but he's not surprised. I hear him type and wonder if I should tell him about that weird boy last night. But I don't. I don't want him -nor my parents- stressing about my stupid safety.

"I just... thought... I'd be very early for my class today."

He laughs and shakes his head.
"Why don't you use this time to exercise? find a better job? Make friends? why else have you moved all the way to London?"

I stare at myself on the screen and shrug, momentarily lost in my own beauty. "To escape you."

Marius looks at me, his already small eyes hanging lower. He stands up and writes something on the school board and I noticed he's much broader now.

"Have you gained weight?"

He turns around with a side-mouthed smirk. "I'm just in a bulk session, can you see it?" He starts flexing his biceps to which I immediately get annoyed.

"Okay if you're just gonna stand there and flex at me the entire time, imma hang up." I sigh, knowing this can go on for minutes.

"Fuck you," he continues writing the daily schedule on the whiteboard. "You know I have a date tonight."

I snort. "Does mom know?"

He rolls his eyes. "I'm 32, Hanne, I'm not telling her shit."

"But you know how she'll want to know every detail." Marius rolls his eyes at that.