Anything but This |C.R

3

The feelings
Rushing back to me
The butterflies
Evading my stomach
How should I deal with this?

-Chandler's POV-
Did I really just do that? I ruined everything. And I lied. Lied about the stairs. I just really really wanted her back. But this kiss. I wrecked the whole thing. I hurried off of her and stood in the corner. Watching her and she just laid there.
I
Messed
Up

-Sydney's POV-
I slowly stood up and went the the table grabbing my backpack on the way. Shit. I can't fake homework. It was my first day. I ended up sitting at the table and staring out the window. Chandler comes up behind me and starts saying words host I don't listen to. I just keep my gaze at the window. Then I start thinking again. Thinking about my mom. How it's my fault that she is gone. How I should've been in the car with her. How I made her leave that day. How it's all my fault. I start to feel tears running down my face and feel him put his hand on my shoulder like he used to do when we were little. I lean my head onto his hand and enlace my fingers with his standing up being pulled into an emotional hug.
"It's my fault Chandler. It's all my fault." I say with tears pouring out of my eyes
"What that I kissed you. That's impossible" he says with confusion
"What? No" I say looking up at him cause he is taller than me.
"Oh" he says and rubs my back in circles.
"She is gone. And my dad is too. Never be the same. And I am just stuck in the middle." I say grabbing his shirt "I can't take this anymore"
"Don't say that. Shhh. Don't say that. I'm here. Look. Im here. You've been back for a day. But. I'm here." He says holding my face
"And I've only caused trouble" I say pulling away from him and walking to my room upstairs
"Sydney. Don't le-" he says as I slam my door in his face. I stumble into the bathroom and look in the mirror
"You're disgusting" I say as I pull out a blade
"Sydney. Open the door" Chandler pounds as I inch the sharp piece a metal onto my skin. Right as it cuts he bursts into the room and throws the razor into the toilet.
"Now why'd you do that huh?" He asks pulling his shirt up to stop the bleeding. I stare at what he is doing and not say a word
"Well. Let's get you on the bed" he says and scoops me up.
Hours past and I don't say a word. Chandler has stayed with me and that means the world. Even if I haven't said anything to him. He bandaged my cut and let me sleep on his chest. I wake up to my dad and him talking
"So. I see you two have reunited?" He says in his drunk voice "don't touch my daughter. Don't hurt her." He says he pulls me up off the bed
"Sir. I would never." He says and puts his hands up in surrender "now please. She hurt herself. You'll break it open. Just let me take her. I haven't done anything. I promise. Just let me-" "YOU AINT DOING SHIT WITH HER. NOW GRAB YOUR STUFF AND LEAVE!" "No. You're drunk and in no place to take care of her. I'll take her to my house. Remember. Gina. Yeah my mom. She will be in good hands. Just give her to me" Chandler says and my dad passes out onto the floor.
He picks me up bridal style and grabs the book and bags on the way out. He grabbed my phone also.

:-:-:

-Chandler's POV-
Wow. Her dad is worse than I thought. She won't go back there. She just can't find out about Hana. Hana is out of the story now. I never even loved her. I don't need that in my life. Sydney is all that I need and that is final. I hear my mom come home from work so I gently lay Sydney's sleeping beautiful self down on my bed and go talk to my mom
"Chandler. Are you kidding me. I got the call already. This is he fifth time this year. I'm getting really worried." She says with a hand on her hip
"Mom. I can explain. Sydney is back and this kid was doing bad things and I just saw red and didn't know what to door. I promise it won't happen again. I promise" she tried to interrupt me but I continued "Sydney means the world to me and I can't let her go again. I didn't realize how much I would miss her until she was gone. The 7 years she was gone was hell on earth and I can't loose her again. Mom. You have to understand. Her dad is abusive and she is self harming. And her mom died and she blames herself. I mumbled the last part
"Well. Let's go get her." She said grabbing her keys.
"She is already upstairs. We haven't done anything if that's what you're thinking but she has been through a lot today and needs sleep." I say ruffling my hair.
"That's great Hun. She can stay as long as she needs to." She says and pats me on the back.
I get back upstairs and Sydney is slumped over by the door.
"Did you really mean all that" she says looking up at me with her tear stained face
i nod and put her back on the bed
"I love you Chandler" she says and falls back asleep.
"I love you too" I say kissing her forehead
I look over at my phone and see 13 messages from Hana and 4 from Sam.
"Shit" I say and grab it.
"Hello babe :)" "Chandler?" "Don't ignore me" "stop hiding. I wanna talk" "BABE!" "Hello!" "!" "!" "?" "?" "?" "?" "better not be with Sydney. Yeah. I know about her"
"Great." I say and text back
"It doesn't matter if I'm with her or not. She has been through hell and back and is my best friend. So you can just go fuck Justin again. Yeah. I know about that" I say clicking onto Sams texts
"Hey" "duude Hana is pissed." "Bruh. Who's Sydney. She is like flipping shit about how everyone at school thinks that you two are dating and shit" "I'd watch out if I were you"
"Sydney is a girl that I've known since I was a baby. I love her more than anything." I send back to him
"Watch out. Hana will be pissed" he sends and I don't reply
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. AT LEAST IM NIT FUCKING A DEPRESSED SLUT AND AND. UGH. IM SO ANGRY AT YOU!!!!!" Hana sends back
"Then be angry. But don't talk to me or Sydney EVER!" I send back turn off my phone.
I look over at Sydney's and hers is buzzing uncontrollably. I look at her and she is sound asleep. I go and grab it.
Will <3
I get over whelmed with jealousy
"Hey babbee. Just wanted to make sure you moved fine. And be safe. I miss you :)" all in separate texts. I scroll up through the conversation and it looks a little rockey. At the beginning they texted for hours. Then. She sent this after the first time he said I love you
"I love you too chandler"
She never forgot about me.

-Sydney's Dream-
"This boy is trouble Sydney. Watch out. He is trouble." Annalee my only friend from Texas says to me.
"He won't hurt me lee lee. I promise." I say giving her a strong hug speaking into her blonde hair
"Be safe" she says and disappears.
She committed suicide a year before I left
"Lee lee." I cry running around the darkness
I fall to the ground and curl into a ball of tears. then I find myself in a bathroom with a blade on the counter.
"You are shit. Awful life you disgust me. I hate you. You are a mistake." I hear my dad say as I cut my wrists and blood pools in the sink
"You deserve this pain" I hear and start screaming
-end of dream-

"Sydney. Shush. Shush. I'm here. Listen I'm here. Shush" Chandler says and sees blood all over my hands. "What did you do?!" He says picking me up and bringing me to the bathroom and getting medical supplies to clean whatever is causing this blood. He gets my hands clean and finds that I have clenched my fists so hard that my nails cut deep gashes into my palms
"I, sorry. I. Didn't mean to" I say quietly.
"You didn't do anything babe." He says looking into me eyes
"Don't. Call. Me babe. Please. Just don't." I say pulling my cleaned hands away from him.
"Why cause of Will" he says putting his head down
"How do you know.." I ask getting angry
"He won't hurt you anymore" he says trying to give me a hug but I put my hands between us to stop
"How do you know" I ask more sternly.
"He texted you. Over and over. I read them yes. But I thought I needed to. if he is better than me just say it and you can go back home to your drunken and abusive father. He beats you. I know. You are staying here now." He says and walks out of the bathroom getting his phone and leaving again
"Chandler don't." I say but he is already out of them room. I end up going into the bath tub and curling up and crying. I guess my dream is true.
"Please. Mom. Lee lee. Someone help. For gods sake don't make me stay here. I'm dying. I have already died on the inside and don't want to live anymore. Someone. Take me away." I whisper. I take my phone and text Will back
"I thought I told you to never talk to me again" and that was it. I'm done with him. Done with life. I can't stay here. I get out of the tub and see that I'm in Chandlers room. I walk out and go down the stairs like this was a dream. I was bombarded with the amazing smell of Ginas cooking and follow the seant to the kitchen. I look around for William, Chandlers dad but can't find him anywhere. I go to grab my stuff and Gina pops out of no where.
"Oh my. Look who it is sleepy head!" She says and runs over to me "oh and how much you have grown. Chandler never stopped talkin about you for a second. OH. We have missed you sweetie. Stay as long as you need. Our door is always open." She says holding my chin. "Thanks Gina. Where is William?" I ask pushing away the moment in the bathroom.
"He. Is no longer here. He died about 6 months after you left. Sent Chandler on a downward slope." She said less cheery than before
"I'm sorry" I said sitting at the table
"Well he understands what you are going through" she says tending to the chicken Alfredo and not saying anything about my mom but that's what she mentioned to
"Oh" is all I say
"He is outside right now if you wanna talk to him" she motioned to the slide door.
"Thanks Gina" I say and walk out of the room to the yard
He was sitting with his back to the house writing something on his phone.
"FUCK YOU HANA!" He screams and I stop walking.
"Oh" I say and turn around to go back inside
"Sydney-" he says pulling my wrist.
"Chandler. If you have someone else in your life tell me cause I don't wanna waste my time." I say not looking at him cause I'll cry
"I only have someone if you do. Because that someone is you" he says pulling me into a hug. I accept for a second but then pull back.
"Will was only there to fill a void that was left by you. He did a horseshit job and I was a awful person to him" I say motioning for him to talk about this Hana
"Hana. Was my will. But. She is violent. Threatening me. I can't let you get hurt." He says ruffling his hair. Again
"The only person that can hurt me is me." I say and sit away from him