Anything but This |C.R

9

"I can't see through my eyes because my eyes aren't showing the real world." I speak and here the class clap at my poem.
Chandlers mom has made us return to school and take regular classes again. Chandler and I both fell behind in online and that didn't work very well. Time to be normal again.
"Okay. Who is next to present?" Ms Edwards asks the class. Chandler slithers into class late like always. And sits in a desk in the back. "How about Chandler?" She speaks. Her eyebrow cocked at his tardiness.
His head shoots up and eyes filled with fury. He is smart. If he applied what he knows. He would be an amazing student.
Trudging his steps up the class, he gets to the front and faces the class. Over half of them asleep. The other half are resting their head in their palms, trying their hardest to stay awake.
"Light. Is not always light. Fire is light. Fire is heat also. Fire is also pain. Light is not always light, but so much more than that." He signs and starts to trudge back to his desk
"And Chandler is not always a little bitch." The venom leaks for someone's mouth. chandlers eyes press shut.
"Watch your tongue or you'll get another bruise, just it involves a broken nose." He seethes and goes back into his desk.
"Ooh. So scary." He initiates Chandler and laughs with his friends. "What's wrong with you and him. Huh Sydney? I mean. You two did drop out together. How much banging did you do?! You preggo. Back street abortion I'm guessin." He turned to me and I stare at him with disgust.
"The only thing that should've been back street aborted is you." I say with my eyebrows pushed together and head tilted a little.
Damn Sydney. That was low.
"OOOOHH" the class roars.
"Settle down class. Sydney. Trevor. Chandler. Enough" ms Edwards tried to hush.
"Oh. Is that your mom calling? Cause she needs to teach you some manners." Chandler says from the back of the room.
"Oh is that your dad calling? Oh wait. He's dead" Trevor tried to say. But right when the last word rolled off his lip, Chandlers fist collided with his nose. And then his jaw. And then his temple. And then his mouth.
"If you ever. FUCKING SPEAK of my family again. You will be pleading for me to kill you." And with that he walks out of the room. I watch this in horror and agony. His black soul has conquered him and is taking over his last bit of life. I can't witness this anymore.

I leave the class and sit in the bathroom. I just want to be with my mom. I just want to have a normal life. To be a normal kid. To not live a life where I want to die every two second. I hopes that a plane, or school shooting will end my life. Maybe I'll get sick or not wake up. Maybe I'll just leave. Never come back.
I pull out my phone and pull up Chandler contact
"Chandler. It saddens me to say this but it must be done. I am leaving. Don't come looking cause you won't find me. I'm going to live with my aunt and she will take care of me from now on. This isn't working. And I can't handle living this life. I need a structure. And an education. And. Something different. Something that I can live through. I desire to want to wake up in the morning. To love another day. But now. I can only think of pressing the send button. I'm sorry for how much I've broken you. Have I can not express how much this hurts me. I love you Chandler Riggs. I always will. But for now. This is goodbye.
With love.
Sydney"
And with that. My shaking hands press that blue button. Sending the message. That may ruin someone's life. Turning off
My phone and leaving his life behind me.

I arrange for my aunt to pick me up tomorrow. And I gather my belonging from chandlers before he get home. I give one last glance at his house and smell his scent one last time before I leave it forever.
This hurts more than anything
I go and sit in the backyard of my house. Which is still vacant from my father not being present in my life. I lay down. But can not sleep. The minutes fly by like seconds. And I stare at the stars. I shake in numbness and absence of my love. Every breath I breath, I think of him. Every time I blink, I see his eyes shining back at mine. Every inhale, my nostrils are filled with his scent.
I am completely. And undeniably. In love with Chandler Riggs. But I'm leaving forever. And he will move on.