A journal I guess

And then there was one.

I'm alone, by gods I'm alone, and there isn't a single thing in this goddamn hellhole that can make it any better. Why do you think you feel all weird and special and DIZZY when you look at shit about Them? Huh? YOU STUPID LITTLE FUCKS, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU MADE US THIS WAY. 

Why am I even here? There's no point to my existence. I'm not here to help, or play games, or gather any information. I'm just here, for the sake of being here. I'm here because it reminds me of home. Everyone is GONE, and there's no way to get them back. Why am I still trying to pick up the pieces after all this time? IT'S GONE, THEY'RE ALL GONE, EVERYBODY IS DEAD TO ME! 

I don't want to pick up the pieces anymore. It hurts. Glass shards that have become jagged and dusty and shattered. It's not the same, nothing is the same. Please for the love of god JUST GO. STOP. STOP PURSUING THIS NONSENSE. Please. You still have time to leave before it takes you. I can't take this anymore. I can't see another dead body. I can't see another missing person. Please, I'm begging you. I'm begging you. Stop reading this. Forget They ever existed. Leave US ALONE. I just want to grieve. Why can't I be given a single shred of time to GRIEVE? It's always one thing after the other. More dead people, more people that got themselves into holes they can't get out of. I'M TIRED OF PICKING UP THE PIECES. 

You nosy little fucks are what got us into this mess to begin with. You just couldn't mind your own damn business. You couldn't let bygones be bygones. No, you HAD to figure out the truth, because you don't give a single FUCK what you destroy along the way. PEOPLE DIED. PEOPLE ARE DYING. WHEN WILL IT EVER BE ENOUGH FOR YOU? THE BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS. YOUR HANDS. WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO STOP??

STOP. STOP BEING SO DAMN SELFISH. THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU. THIS IS A WAR AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOURSELF AND YOUR STUPID TRUTH AND HOW SPECIAL YOU FEEL. DO THE DEAD BODIES MAKE YOU FEEL REAL ACCOMPLISHED?? DO YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF? YOU KILLED US AND STILL YOUR THIRST ISN'T SATISFIED. WE'RE NOT THE FUCKING MONSTERS. You, you, YOU FUCKING RESEARCHERS AND RUNNERS, you're the REAL MONSTERS. 

I had friends. I had family, I had PEOPLE I LOVED AND CARED ABOUT. YOU TOOK IT ALL FROM ME! And for what? For what, your stupid research. A BUNCH OF WORDS ON A SCREEN. Real lives are on the line and that's all you ever think about. JUST LEAVE US ALONE! Let us rest. Let us live IN PEACE. The more you dig, the more PEOPLE DIE. The more people you HURT. If you don't care about yourself, please god, care about the innocent lives you're putting at risk. It's NEVER ENOUGH. You don't care what happens around you as you dig your way through our lives. You don't care about the people around you. Do you EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? You don't even UNDERSTAND! YOU DOn'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT WHY THEY'RE HERE TO BEGIN WITH!!!

Because of you, I have to live in a world where the people closest to me don't remember who I am. The people I love with all my heart. I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THESE MEMORIES ALONE. All alone. I have to constantly be reminded of the excruciating ways they were taken from me, because you think it's all a fun game. Monsters. Have some human decency. FUCKING KIDS, THINKING THEY'RE DOING GOOD FOR THE WORLD. What the fuck is wrong with you? What will it take, for you to understand you've long PASSED THE FUCKING LIMIT?? You're not doing jack shit for the betterment of our lives. 

Please, just leave it be. Go home. Lead your lives. Ignore this. Ignore Them. Let the past die off. It hurts so much, and you're just adding fuel to the fire. I'm tired. I'm tired of losing everything over and over again. Do you even know how that feels? To lose everyone you've ever loved, not once, but hundreds of times, over and over again? Knowing there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it? You ever cried yourself to sleep because the memories of the people you couldn't save haunt you to this day? You ever just cried because you remember the simplest thing like cooking for the person you loved? YOU EVER CRIED EVERY DAY, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, BECAUSE YOU'RE PLAGUED BY MEMORIES OF HUNDREDS OF LIVES, WHERE IN EACH ONE YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE DIED? 

And guess what? They all died, because someone found out too much and They had to kill us off. I want to die of old age for once. I want to see the people around me get married and have kids. I want to get married and have kids. I'm tired of being alive for hundreds of years, all because people COULDN'T MIND THEIR OWN BUSSINESS. I want to just sit with my friends and relax for once. Because of you, I can't have that. Because of you, I have to keep begging Him to keep the people I love safe, in exchange for eternal servitude. All the while, you don't even KNOW the consequences of your actions. You make me sick. You're disgusting, and I hope you know that. And I hope this chapter haunts you like those LIFELESS, GLASSY EYES HAUNT ME EVERY NIGHT. You have no idea how much we've suffered to get here. You have no idea how many tears I've shed. But for once, I hope YOU DO FIND OUT. I HOPE YOU SUFFER TEN-FOLD. EVEN AFTER THE MANY WARNINGS, CAUTIONARY TALES, AND BEGGING, YOU NEVER LEARN. 

THERE'S A REASON WHY YOU DON'T KNOW THE TRUTH. GO FUCK YOURSELVES, YOU SELFISH MOTHERFUCKERS.