A journal I guess

Servants and why they do what they do

I know you might think you're facing monsters. The soldiers have to be as bad as the ones they serve, right? IT HURTS IT HURTS :)

It's that type of thinking that divides us, that causes this prolonged nightmare to begin with. Nobody is the enemy. Nobody is the good guy or the bad guy. So why do we keep trying to fucking kill each other? Soldiers in war don't want to kill anyone either. But the fear of death is so great, that they shoot the other party first so they can't kill them. That's usually what it is; a sickening game of survival. Nobody thinks about others on the battlefield.

It's also a mixture of the infection and our worst, most primal emotions surfacing. What actually happens to a servant that's been infected? It explains a lot of behavior that would otherwise be, well, dickish.

The infection spreads to the most vulnerable parts of your mind and sets down roots there. I don't know how or why, but this causes something like another "personality" to form. The infection, or as is more well known, "Ichor," is actually kind of sentient by itself. There's a core difference between victims and servants, and that difference is the way the infection spreads and what it tries to do inside the body. Servants get the wonderful :) dose of it trying to control them constantly. But victims get the compulsion; something that tries to lead them further and further into insanity until they can't even remember their own name anymore. Their entire life, entire personality, entire identity will revolve around them.

But there's one thing it all has in common. It changes you; it turns you into a sick and twisted version of yourself. You won't quite be yourself anymore, your entire existence will be robbed from you. That's why most servants you encounter are dicks and I'll even go as far as saying, psychotic. Sitting on a high horse, not able to be reasoned with. A chaotic, but dangerous force of nature. BANG :)

Most people call the other "personality" The Mask. This is because most servants tend to wear masks to separate themselves and it. It gives them a sense of control. It puts a barrier between the infection and their sense of self, so they don't fully lose it. I don't know if this is actually effective. Maybe it is. The other "self" may also just be a sentient manifestation of the infection. Whatever it is, it causes the person to become a complete and total asshole. A dangerous asshole, mind you. It clearly serves as a way to gain control over someone. Much easier to murder people when you literally don't give a fuck. After the other "self" retreats, in a sense, you usually won't remember what happened while it was active. That's what the blackouts are, essentially. Periods of time when it's controlling you.

It's important, and even crucial to remember this, though. We were all human once. Normal people, leading normal lives. Happy people. People with family and spouses and dreams. People that used to tell scary stories around campfires and laugh. People that once went to the cinema and sneaked food in because the popcorn is expensive as fuck. It's SO easy to forget that there's a person behind that intimidating mask. A person just like you. A person fighting to survive another day. The infection may have changed them, but they were once JUST LIKE YOU. They're not monsters. WE are not monsters. Most don't even have a choice on whether they get to become a servant or not. It turns them into animals. It takes away everything they have and love. It leaves you naked and vulnerable because you won't have anything left to lose. Please understand that servants don't want to fight. They don't want to kill and hurt. But it literally forces them to. Through any means possible. Even Agents, or people that "willingly" chose to serve him, don't have much of a choice at all. I chose to do it out of survival. But we're NOT trying to be your enemy. You can't blame the entire group because of a few bad apples.

It's a lot to take in. Especially when all you used to think was, us versus them. You're not the good guys for killing us off. You're not putting us out of our misery. All you're doing is possibly hurting innocent people that probably don't even know what they're doing. Sure, survival is important in any situation. But killing is never NESSESARY. Anyway, you're not the angels saving everyone around you. Runners and gatherers think they're the good guys for fighting them. But you forget that WE are fighting them too. They just always win.

I think it's time we leave behind the mentality of good vs bad, us vs them, and instead try to fight for EACH OTHER. Find a common goal and work towards that. Is it so hard to set aside our differences for once? You don't have to force your views down someone elses throat every two seconds. We're dangerous, we kill, yes. BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD :) But that doesn't make us monsters. We're the victims just as much as you are.

To union.