A journal I guess

I want to survive

I don't know about you, but I sure as hell want to live and get through this shit.

I realized something. There's no way to win unless you're on the inside. I want to be on the winning side.

I'm not going to be a runner or a researcher. Even if it means possibly giving myself up permanently, I've decided on this. I'm serving them. Or, The Hollow, more specifically. I'm tired of dying. And I'm tired of seeing everyone else die because of me.

He'd say it was a wise decision. It is.

This is how it gets you. Not by physical force, just by sheer manipulation and dragging you through hell and back. Enough is enough. The only way to win the game is to not be a part of it to begin with. At least, to me.

To the people that have managed to lead normal lives and escape this, I commend and envy you. You didn't stick your nose where it didn't belong. It's better that way. Stick to the foreground, don't get too deep into shit. That's the smart move. That's what keeps you alive.

And to the young, impressionable, and naive kids on here: Leave while you still can. This isn't some quirky adventure to help you escape from your shitty life. And neither is it a cure for your boredom. Thankfully most of you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. But for those that accidentally stumbled upon the deeper, more disturbing truths, leave and never come back. You don't understand what you're dealing with. It's so dangerous, so horrific, that I'd rather serve them than get caught in the crossfire! Don't you understand that? There's pain and death and misery awaiting you either way. But becoming a servant actually gives you a fighting chance.

We're all pawns for their amusement. Like those people that pit dogs against each other so they fight. I refuse to be in the fighting ring. No more.

I get it now. I used to think the servants were stupid little shits. But most of them joined the dark side for survival. Like I will be doing. I don't know how the process even works, or if it'll even take me. But I'm willingly surrendering now. No more games. No more deaths. I'll still be posting experiences and information, but I won't try to actively fight it anymore.

This means, that maybe we're enemies from this point on. But really, it's your choice. Will you get in my way? We can work together or you can be my enemy. It's simple stuff really.

The world isn't black and white. There's no "evil" side and "good" side. Everyone on their respective sides thinks they're the good guys. That they're for the betterment of the world. And to each side, the other sides are the enemies. Why? Cause they keep getting in each others way and tormenting each other for no good reason. Also, not everyone is trying to kill each other all the time. We need to stop thinking in binary.

I still stand by the whole "let's unite" shit. But I want to have a cover of protection at least. Give them a reason not to kill me. Servants have their own enemies, sure, but their leaders are a layer of protection. Runners and researchers? They don't even have that. Everything is coming at them at once and they have nothing to keep them alive.

In my opinion, I'm doing the smart thing. Call it what you will. Call me a coward or whatever. But you'll be the one dead in a ditch.