A journal I guess

It can never be the same.

Now, I know what you're wondering. Rosie, is this another vent post? Are you going to whine about how hard and difficult your life is? Yes, yes I am. Because, what else is there to do?

Recently, Habit has been making deals with those who are desperate. I'm unsure of the reason, he has never done something quite like this before. Sure, he has made deals. But not this way. Perhaps you don't understand, and that's better for you, for all of us. I'm tired, far too exhausted to care anymore. I'm trapped in a never ending loop, one that I can never escape. So leave an old woman to her rambling.

I wish I had a flicker of an idea what's even happening anymore. Our timeline is falling apart at the seams like broken guitar strings; and with it, so am I. And so are we. Memories and indentities meld into one. Who am I anymore? Am I Rosie, or am I the many people who came before? Perhaps I'm nobody at all. I can never tell. I'm drifting through life, not truly alive or living, just watching days pass me by. The end is always near, and no matter how far it truly is, you can feel it looming closeby.

This makes no sense to you, I'm sure. What am I even talking about? Useless things. I wanted to say something; to warn you of the broken minds soon to haunt your dreams and nightmares. Suffering is endless and infinite. It stretches on for eternity. On and on and on. Do they think I don't want to help? I can't. If I save you, who will save me? Still you beg me to make it stop as if I didn't know it would happen in the first place! Of course I did. I knew everything, you DUMB LITTLE BITCH. I let it happen. You know why? Cause I'm not your fucking savior, no. I care about myself and ONLY myself, that's how you survive in this fucking world. Movies and stories always preach about love and kindness as if any of us are in a position to do any of that! Don't make me laugh.

Yes, so what if Habit's a little shit, and I'm being consumed by him, so what if I've become just as monstrous as he is, I want to live. I'm not stupid enough to care about useless people. It always ends the same anyway, everything goes to shit and we all die! Why does anything matter? Why are people so butthurt over me not helping them all the time? You know how it ends, you dumb fucking

It doesn't matter. Nothing ever did. If you're as far gone as I am, you'd realize that. So many lives down the gutter, yet not a single one can be spared from Them, isn't that the best? You really don't understand what the word "god" means, do you? We can't escape Them. Life is unfair, life doesn't care if you get hurt and get dragged through the mud. Life doesn't care about justice and what's right. So I SUGGEST you fucking leave now or forever hold your peace. There's no salvation for you here. Only pain, only more suffering.

Next time, don't beg me for anything. I can't stop anything They do. And you know that.