Shift OR Drift

Amberly

Days. Ten to be exact. I have missed work and missed the strip. Missed everything. Twelve days ago, Killian was opening up to me at the hidden tree house. Eleven days ago, Killian embarrassed me in front of nearly everyone. Ten days ago, I locked myself in my room and have not come out of it. Lexy and AJ are on the outs. I only know because she tried to text him, tried to call him, even went over there and Killian supposedly kicked her out. I only know because she tries to bring food and peace offerings like she is the one who screwed up. Almost if she feels like she is the one who ruined everything yet, there was nothing to be ruined. There was never a relationship. No agreement. Nothing which said we belonged to one another. Just feelings and an unusual pull to each other.

Luckily my bosses agreed to let me keep up with the music on my own set up at home and work on it here in my room and submit it to them. Glad to know they like me enough to keep me around without having to physically be there. I listen with headphones over both of my ears to some new music which was recently adjusted by me nodding my head along to the beat. The perfect tune works in the background. I look at myself sitting on my bed staring at the mirror on the vanity ahead of me. My hair is a mess, zero makeup coats my face, and my phone has several calls and unread texts from Miranda, and even a few from Carson. I suppose Lexy is not talking to them either. A few plates decorate my nightstand with several bottles of water displayed across my floor. If I was not sitting in my own house right now, someone would look at me and assume I was homeless.

I groan and look at my reflection once more. I grab a towel and a change of modest clothes, shocking I know, and walk into the bathroom blaring Ready For War by Joznez, 2WEI, and Kataem. The beat drop in the song has to be one of my favorites of all time. I turn the shower on to a warmer temperature and not simmering hot like normal. I take my clothes off and undress, letting the water run through my hair and my whole body. My small fingers snag a few snarls as I rake them through my hair in my best attempt to get the biggest tangles out on my lonesome. This is my first shower in the last three days, for as gross as I felt, the warm water was an invitation I could not wait to climb into. I lean on the wall under me, my hands trailing all over my body but, not giving me the feeling I have craved most in the past several days. Killian's hands. The electricity and pulses they sent through my body.

Even the guy from the track was no help. There was nothing there. I did not reach for him after Killian yanked me away because Killian's scent and the buzz of his fingertips touching me was the only things that had crossed my mind. My body has not felt electrified. His touch brands my skin and yet, it has been missing for over a week. The feeling faded a few times and then came back every time, my own urges would surface. There has not even been an attempt on my part to touch myself as I feel it will not be half as satisfying as compared to when Killian touches me although, he has yet to touch my core. The taste of his lips and tongue still lingers in my mouth and on my lips.

I shake off the thought of Killian, choler sinks deep into my bones, the way he spoke to me and Lexy is nothing shy of disrespectful and distasteful. He should have never said any of that if he thought for even a second, that he was going to get a single thing from me. I have been a tad too embarrassed to even show my face around Jason who stood nearby and even offered to punch Killian for me but, from the number of times, I have seen or heard about Killian and fighting, I am afraid Jason would have had a hard time getting anywhere with that fight. Besides, he cannot degrade the tracks prize family that easily. Nearly everyone came to my rescue or at least attempted to after Killian and the little stunt he pulled yet, no one cared to help in the midst of it all. Even the guy I was talking to gave me up without a fight. Maybe I am "overused" like Killian said and no one truly wants me. It would not be the first time I have felt this way. Worthless and a waste of breath. Part of me cannot help but wonder how Killian would be if my father was still around to fend for me and I was able to continue being a child which got cut short right after he died. I grew up fast. A lot faster than the average kid.